We continue our look into the fashion sense of the Friday the 13th series by focusing on the cast of characters presented in the aptly named Friday the 13th Part 2 (please see our first article for a look at the original film). Featuring one of the best dressed final girls of the series as well as Jason in the iconic “bag-head” costume, this should be a lot of fun.

Corey: Here we have Alice, the previous film’s final girl, relaxing at home. Add a puffy, stitched Santa Claus head with blinking eyes or a bunch of candy canes to that jumper and you have the perfect Christmas outfit. For an infant. Or, if you left it as-is, maybe a terrier.

Jon: Her outfit does have a nauseatingly Christmas-green color, but I think she’s really going for the rustic pickle look, which she’s hoping will drive all the local farm boys at Camp Crystal Lake wild. Also, I think she secretly enjoys smelling her own armpit.

A GIRL: Alice has thrown herself to her bed in tears because she can’t get her Christmas Cthulhu costume quite right. The not-found-in-nature shades of green are spot on, but she hasn’t quite found the optimal balance between festivity and dread.

Jon: “Nobody will sleep with me…wah wah wah wah. My hat’s too small for my head…wah wah wah wah. Jason’s out to get me…. wah wah wah wah. So I think I’ll just stay in this here bed. ‘Cause I got the blues. I got them old Camp Crystal Lake blues again.”

Corey: I think he’s singing an unrequited love song to his hat that ends with a verse expressing a secret wish for some sleeves.

A GIRL: This hat cries out to be paired with a tweedy, leather-elbowed jacket. This hat dreams of a day it will be jauntily worn to the fox hunt or the afternoon garden party. This hat is destined for sad, grey, sleeveless disappointment, accompanied by a lonesome harmonica tune.

Corey: I’m not sure I can explain why precisely, but Paul’s outfit and stance make me imagine the phrase “Oh, Snap!” said in a sassy tone. Also, that’s not a name on that jersey, that’s a shitty Scrabble hand.

Jon: Friday the 13th Part 2 leaves us with so many unanswered questions. Why is Bo Duke holding that piece of paper? Why is Horshack in a wheelchair? Why are they both in this film?

A GIRL: This guy has a big future in romance novel covers. I can only imagine that he is helping his pal prepare for a woodsy performance of Rear Window, since those are obviously script notes in his hand.

Corey: The Friday the 13th films always feature some familiar stereotypes (e.g., the unpopular clown, the slut, the virgin, etc.). But really? Paul is the best out-in-the-woods-rugged-but-handsome-Marlboro-man character the film could muster? I don’t care how many buttons he leaves undone or how many flannel shirts he owns, no outfit is going to stop him from tripping my gaydar.

Jon: I agree. The ONLY thing preventing Paul from becoming Fred from Scooby Doo is an ascot.

A GIRL: This is a good example of how the right clothing and accessories can really let a man express his personality and mood. The first outfit, with turtleneck and rolled up sleeves, says, ‘Let’s share a bottle of wine and then I will molest you,’ while a sportier look with a convertible accessory says, ‘Let’s go for a drive and then I will molest you.’

Corey: Jordache’s amazing new “Flat Polygon Crotch” jeans. There also seems to be an armpit theme in this film that had gone unnoticed by me until now.

Jon: My god you’re right. There are really too few sleeves in this movie. It’s as if they’re all taking their fashion cues from Larry the Cable Guy.

A GIRL: She is posed as if they are about to break out into a dance routine. The other dancers are waiting just out of view, ready to bounce in and show off their high waisted jeans and multicolored tank tops. They will surround the man, and through their interpetive movements convince him to exchange his homemade, impromptu sleeveless shirt for a genuine, possibly polyester one.

Corey: While not initially apparent to everyone, Terri is one of the more sympathetic characters in the film, what with her tragic background of poverty and everything. Here you can see that she’s forced to wear the same clothes from when she was a toddler.

Jon: Who wears short shorts? SHE wears short shorts!

A GIRL: When I was A little GIRL, I had a Barbie and her little sister Skipper, and many fabulous outfits for each. This look is similar to what happened when Barbie borrowed Skipper’s clothes.

Corey: With his dreamy eyes and Tom Cruise-esque smile, Scott is letting us know that nothing says “I’m a sophisticated GQ man” like a black satin shirt, perfectly styled hair and a slingshot for launching rocks at other people’s asses.

Jon: I want to paint a pencil thin moustache on him, put him in a big Mariachi hat, and have him say: “Hello, beautiful. My name is Zorro. Women love me. Men fear the might of my slingshot.”

A GIRL: I don’t quite understand what’s going on in this shot. Is he trying to accessorize with the plant, using it as a scarf or ascot, or is he merely trying to cover up an embarrassing trouser situation?

Corey: Ted is the aforementioned “clown” character in the film, but with a twist. For some reason he’s actually fairly popular amongst the rest of the counselors. This doesn’t excuse him from the fashion rules of the clown/prankster stereotype though, which disallow the wearing of anything that doesn’t cause a loss of dignity (e.g. those white socks pulled almost to knees and the fact that he’s wearing deer skins after Labor Day).

Jon: This is like the before and after pictures of a nice suburban barbecue gone horribly awry after too many bottles of Zima.

A GIRL: Here Ted is depicted on two of his many failed auditions to become the seventh member of the Village People. Badly Dressed Chef was truly a poor concept, but I hear that Cave Boy was almost accepted, until at the last moment sailors were chosen instead.

Jon: Somewhere in the middle of the film, Ted decided that he was too conspicuous dressed up in that bright yellow shirt and those little khaki shorts. So he decided to disguise himself as a giant metal penis.

Corey: “Should I bring the steel or the copper hat to the beach in 90 degree weather?”

A GIRL: Superheroes of the 80s really had a hard time with their costumes. Bullet Head Man has a great alter ego, for who could expect such power to be hidden behind a crisp cotton plaid? Foolishly, he blew all his money on some designer chinos, and could only afford an aluminum helmet and no matching boots.

Corey: You didn’t even know there was a black character in this movie, did you? Well, there he is, looking quite a bit like Willis from Diff’rent Strokes (Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum…). The reason you don’t remember him is certainly not because the costume designer didn’t try to draw attention to him through interesting shirt and suspender choices.

Jon: Well, you have to remember that Robin Williams-style rainbow suspenders were actually in fashion in the wacky 80s, as were tennis wristbands. But they could have made it clearer that he’s an expendable, token character by at least giving him a red shirt. Also, it looks like he enjoys smelling his own armpit.

A GIRL: This young man is training for a career as a professional Let’s Make a Deal contestant. His last minute Mork outfit was not enough to attract Monty Hall’s attention, but he’s bound to find out what’s behind door number one dressed as African Jimmy Buffet.

Corey: “No, I’m fairly certain my hot pink shirt and headband out-’80s your propped Izod collar and canvas belt.”

Jon: Someday, anthropologists will look at the way people dressed in the 80s and conclude that EVERYONE back then had just finished either jazzercising or playing tennis.

A GIRL: This scene is obviously a lover’s quarrel. She has long grown tired of struggling to get close to him, only to be rebuffed by a stiff flipped-up collar. He has finally noticed that her headband is part of a matching set, and the young man above is wearing the wristbands! He jumps to the logical conclusion, and protests of innocence will soon dissolve into tears. Later, the dog will take revenge for his mistress by chewing up the offending shirt and widdling on the no-iron trousers.

Corey: I see no problems with this outfit.

Jon: I agree in the strongest possible terms.

A GIRL: I am starting to think that this is not really a movie about Jason the deranged killer. It is really a story about Jason the deranged tailor, who, after failing to secure sponsorship for Spring Fashion Week, runs around cutting off any unnecesary piece of shirting, such as sleeves and midriffs.

Corey: Jason has certianly improved his fashion sense while living in the woods. Forsaking the “naked covered in seaweed and twigs” look, he’s chosen a beautiful pair of OshKosh B’Gosh overalls and a cotton pillowcase, which is a classic look that never goes out of style.

Jon: I’ve never noticed that he actually has TWO eyeholes. I always thought there was just the one. The other eyehole is just very, very tiny and easily escapes notice. Or maybe he cut out a full-sized eyehole, and then later sewed it shut, which raises all kinds of questions about how domesticated that makes Jason. Either way, if you stare at this picture long enough, it starts to look like Jason is winking at us, which is actually kinda scary. But I can’t get over how small and soft his hands look. I mean, I’m not the most rugged guy in the world, but surely they could have found some dude with at least a little bit of dirt in his nails and a callous or two to play the part of a swampy, knife-wielding mutant.

A GIRL: Here Jason has taken a common but useless approach to a bad hair day. Instead of a deep conditioning rinse and some texturizing pomade, he has applied an old potato sack.

Corey: For someone who was in a bikini in an earlier scene, Ginny is certainly wearing a lot of layers later in the evening. That said, this is excellent “running for your f’ing life” attire which you should always strive for when camping, just in case.

Jon: I agree. Her outfit looks like it’s been stuffed with straw. And she looks much bigger than Jason here. She could have easily body slammed that little pipsqueak.

A GIRL: This outfit makes a lot of sense once you realize Jason’s true motivation. Ginny has piled on layer after layer of shirts, in the hopes that no matter how many of her garments Jason attacks, she will still be fully shirted.

Jon: I don’t know what Jason did, exactly, to his mom’s sweater since the last movie, but those stains ain’t EVER coming out.

Corey: Some hand-me-downs should just be politely accepted then discreetly thrown away. To Jon’s point, I shudder to think what he’s been doing with it the last few years.

A GIRL: It is so important to store your treasured garments properly. A well made sweater can indeed last for generations. Unfortunately for the Voorhees collection, although peat moss does have amazing preservative properties, here we see why it is not recommended for use with antique knits.