evilontwolegs.com » Art

The Horrors of Garbage Pail Kids

Corey — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:46:01 +0000

most of us discovered our love of horror early in life, and the reasons for this probably aren’t that hard to determine. apart from the obvious ‘things that traumatize us as children become sources of attraction in adulthood’ concept, there’s the simple fact that the horror genre is considered somewhat taboo, and kids love things that they’re not supposed to be exposed to. films and music are the obvious childhood battlegrounds for challenging your parent’s authority, but they are far from the only ones. toys, candy and collectibles also feature items designed to gross-out parents, teachers and sensitive classmates (here’s a good list of candy examples).

from my own childhood, the item i remember most that seemed to serve no other purpose than to gross out those around you was ‘garbage pail kids’ collectible cards. designed as sort of an “eff you” to both the baseball cards our fathers once collected and, obviously, the ‘cabbage patch kid’ mania sweeping the nation in the mid 1980s, these cards were the must-have item when i was eleven. each card featured a cartoon image of a child experiencing some sort of trauma, torture, fatal injury or performing some similarly heinous act themselves. under that picture would be the child’s name, which was usually some sort of bad pun, rhyme or alliteration. a good example of this is ‘blown joan.’

there were usually two variations of each card, each with the same image but a different name (e.g. ‘blown joan’ is also known as ‘curly shirley’). the cards pretty much grossed out anyone who saw them (including the kids who bought them). which was, of course, awesome. how they were able to release images of children either in the process of dying or already dead is beyond me, but the cards were very popular through the late 1980s and early 1990s, and have actually seen a resurgence as new cards and retro releases of the originals have been produced in the last few years. i found several sites that catalog all the cards, so this weekend i spent quite a while looking through every single garbage pail kids card ever released, pulling out those that either directly reference horror films or are based heavily on horror themes. below is the fruit of that labor, so take a stroll with me down horror-nostalgia-gross-out lane…

not many of the cards directly references slasher films, but two notable exceptions are ‘slasher asher’ (aka ‘claude flesh’) and ‘hollow wayne’ (aka ‘jacqueline lantern’).

when i was a kid, having a ‘garbage pail kids’ card with your name was the ultimate in coolness (which is probably why they released at least two names for every card). unfortunately there was never a ‘corey’ card as i was growing up (the closest thing was ‘cory on the cob’), but in the new cards there are two! now if only i was eleven again, these would both go front-and-center on my trapper keeper.

if you want to look at more cards or search for your own name, the three sites below will allow you to do both of those things.

Horror Film Ink: Six Bad-Ass Tattoos (and the Bad-Asses Who Wear Them)

Jon — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 19:50:05 +0000

One of my favorite episodes of the X-Files has always been “Never Again,” partly because it gave Dana Scully her own Mulder-free story, but also because it featured some interesting tattoos. I don’t have any myself, but I find them intriguing because they often signify something private or mysterious beneath the surface of those who wear them. In the world of film, horror films included, a tattoo often signifies that the person wearing it is a genu-ine bad-ass.

1. Lisbeth Salander in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
I never read Stieg Larsson’s novel, but the Swedish film adaptation of it is stylish and intriguing, largely because of Noomi Rapace’s portrayal of Lisbeth. She’s sexy, street-savvy, brilliant, tough, and all of this is symbolized by the full-length dragon tattoo on her back. But that’s not the only bad-ass tattoo in the film. When Lisbeth is victimized by her probation officer, she has her revenge by videotaping his attack, and then tattooing the words “I am a rapist and a sadistic pig” on his stomach.

2. Seth Gecko in From Dusk ‘Til Dawn
A picture of Seth Gecko should be printed in the dictionary under the word “cool.” Sure, he’s a cold-blooded psychopath, but he’s also confident, bold, focused, and absolutely stylish. Everything from his car, to his clothes, and his tattoo screams that he’s cooler than you’ll ever be. And I love the way we never see the full extent of his tattoo until the end of the film. In a way, this mirrors one of the film’s themes. Just when you think a bad-ass biker bar couldn’t be more dangerous, it gets more dangerous. And just when you think Seth Gecko couldn’t get any cooler, he takes off his coat and does just that.

3. Viper in Doomsday
The reviews of this film were decidedly mixed, but I thought it was a fun and stylish mash-up of conventional post-apocalyptic scenarios. Plus, it’s got Viper in it. She’s the ultimate “bad girl” in that she’s wild, dangerous, and seductive, as evident by her tribal facial tattoos. I know that Sinclair is the film’s protagonist, and I like the fact that she’s basically the female version of Snake Plissken, but I couldn’t help but wish that she wouldn’t have killed Viper. Still, it was far more entertaining to watch those two go at it than watching Snake fight that sweaty fat man with a spiked baseball bat in Escape From New York.

4. Francis Dolarhyde in Red Dragon
The “Tooth-Fairy” is a lousy nickname for Dolarhyde. Sure, he bites his victims and all that, but it’s just too silly an appellation for this far-out, cosmic-minded killer with his Blakean delusions. And the placement of this particular tattoo is rather ingenious in that he can keep it so well hidden during his workaday life. It’s a much safer route than, say, having dragon horns or something implanted in his skull, but still creepy enough to satisfy his dark, freaky urges and scare the bejeesus out of his victims.

5. Beth in Hostel Part 2
As much as I liked Paxton in the first Hostel, he’s not nearly the bad-ass that Beth turns out to be in Hostel Part 2. In a typical horror film, a girl like Beth would stumble into something she wasn’t prepared to handle, and then fight her way out. Beth goes one or two steps further and proves that she’s much more than a scared, spoiled rich girl. In one of the greatest, turn-the-tables scenes in horror cinema, Beth demonstrates that she’s the much more qualified to join Elite Hunting than Stuart, her would-be killer. And by the end of the film, she’s got an Elite Hunting tattoo, as well as Stuart’s severed genitals, to prove it.

6. Reverend Harry Powell in Night of the Hunter
Robert Mitchum had already established himself as 1940’s film-noir staple, but his role as Reverend Harry Powell, the bible-thumping, throat-slitting con-artist with the words “LOVE” and “HATE” tattooed on his knuckles, made him the ultimate bad-ass. He’s got a little story to explain the tattoos, saying that helps him illustrate the inner struggle between good and evil that all men face. But with Powell, there is no inner struggle, as he’s perfectly fine with marrying his dead prison-mate’s widow before murdering her, then bullying her brother and stalking her children.

Super-Creepy Things My Wife Found On Etsy This Weekend

Corey — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 20:31:33 +0000

etsy is a hand-made arts and crafts site where users post items for sale. apart from that the fact that my wife is kind of addicted to it, that’s about all i knew about etsy a few days ago. however, this weekend as my wife was browsing for hand-crafted soap, it occurred to me that a site that large and popular must have some stuff that would appeal to horror fans — and not just horror fans who also happen to like hand-crafted soap. with that idea in mind, i gave my wife a very important mission…

go forth and find me the creepiest, most eff’d-up things you can on etsy.

she did not disappoint. below you will find the first part of what i’m sure will become a recurring feature here at eo2l — “super creepy things my wife found on etsy this weekend.” follow the links for the full descriptions, more pictures and the option to own them for your very own. if you dare!

1974 Leatherface Mask

“a must have for fans of the classic film.”

Creepy Finger Soap Set

“would make a great gag gift, party favors, or even something special for yourself!”

I Scream Cone

“This is sure to make a great addition to your Halloween tree!”

The Human Centipede CAT TOY

“This cat toy is 100% medically accurate!”

Killer Care Bear Swamp Creature

“His tummy has a painting of a swamp.”

Freddy Necklace

“This lil Freddy only wants to play!”

OOAK Creepy Doll Head 5 Shadowbox Sculpture

“Custom painted and distressed wood shadowbox contains a hand sculpted creepy clown head.”

Mini Zombie Scary Creepy Evil Clown Head Prop Decoration

“How would you like to own your very own piece of the circus undead?”

Nun no 3 Mouth eye Vampire doll ooak creepy gothic horror art

“SHE IS A HORROR RELATED ITEM AND IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE SCARY THINGS, THEN PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT MY LISTING.”

SAW Billy The Puppet Head Earrings JIGSAW

“Billy the puppet earrings.”

My Demon Pony Shaun Zombie Pony ooak My Little Pony

“I cut the stomach area out then sculpted the guts slowly attached one gut loop at a time..was so much fun! I also felt I should up a eye pop on this one!”

AMPUTHEATRE- Crucifiend Gaming Figure

“For devouring anything warm-blooded he found within the moors of Scotland, the abomination now known as “Crucifiend” spent centuries staked to a mountainside- where scavengers picked his eyesockets and fingers clean.”

Two Ways To Kill Friends With An iPhone: Axe-a-Friend and App of the Dead

Corey — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:01:30 +0000

i was recently on a road-trip and spent a lot of time fiddling around with my iphone. between games of peggle and teaching talking carl obscenities (which is far more fun than expected), i discovered two horror film themed apps that i thought i’d draw your attention to: MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D: Axe-a-Friend and George A. Romero’s App of the Dead.

My Bloody Valentine 3D
Axe-a-Friend
FREE

George A. Romero’s
App of the Dead
$1.99

both of these allow you to depict the subject of photos in your phone as having shuffled off the mortal coil — although in the case of App of the Dead, there is additional implied shuffling since your friends and loved ones are now zombies. Axe-a-Friend allows you to choose a photo and then, by waving your phone in the air, swing a virtual pick axe into your friend’s face (complete with blood splatter).

here you can see the results of loading a picture of jon (evilontwolegs.com writer and all-around-nice-guy) into the app and giving it a few good swings.

and here’s my schnauzer, mulder…

and keyboard cat.

App of the Dead similarly allows you to depict friends as dead, but gives you much more control. you can choose various zombie scars, wounds, weapons and body parts to add to your photo, and the app allows you to resize and rotate these to your heart’s content. additionally, it also include an interactive function, as after you’ve created your perfect zombie — there’s an optional handgun button to splatter their brains.

here’s jon, again…

and keyboard cat.

use of these apps isn’t restricted solely to friends, pets and internet memes though — you can get all meta if want, and do things like…

use george a. romero’s app on george a. romero…

or use the MY BLOODY VALENTINE app on harry warden…

or kill tom atkins with an axe while tom atkins is being killed with an axe…

or, create a cross over where harry warden kills george romero…

or george romero kills harry warden!

as is true of everything related to the awe-inspiring device known as the iphone (each of which, as we all know, is lovingly hand-carved for apple by blind monks from unicorn horns) — the possibilities are endless.

Beauty Product Horrors

Corey — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:58:56 +0000

i’ve always been slightly confused and bewildered by the world of cosmetics and female beauty products (my wife’s new-found obsession with LUSH handmade cosmetics has not helped with this). however, i have never before been scared of a beauty product. that is, until i stepped into CVS earlier today and saw these hanging in the aisles.

no one should have to see something like that unprepared, yet there they are… just out in the open where anyone (impressionable children, previously sane adults) can stumble across them while searching for toothpaste, rubbing alcohol or over-priced cherry coke. i can only think of one person that this advertising campaign might be effective on…

Sparkly Dinosaurs

Corey — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:25:07 +0000

i recently found a year old forums thread on somethingawful.com unambiguously titled “screenshots from twilight with raptors photoshopped in!” you need an archive forums account at the site to view that thread, but i’ve reproduced some of my favorites of those images submitted below.

one might think that long extinct carnivorous dinosaurs might not fit into a teenage vampire love-story, but if you were that one, you would be sorely mistaken. as these images clearly show, i think raptors were the missing ingredient from the twilight saga… had they actually been included in the print and film versions of the stories, perhaps they would not have been such financial failures and so clearly alienated the critical demographic of female 12-16 year-olds.

Foreign Horror Film Posters

Corey — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:05:07 +0000

poster-iffic awesomeness from strange, foreign lands where they do things like eat mayonnaise on their french fries, brew good beer, smoke inside restaurants, wear clothes with wacky names like “lederhosen” and produce awesome flicks like [REC] …

The Birds
(Czechoslovakia)

Dawn of the Dead
(Germany)

Carrie
(Turkey)

Carrie
(Spain)

The Exorcist
(Turkey)

The Howling
(Belgium)

Friday the 13th
(Australia)

Friday the 13th Part 2
(Turkey)

King Kong
(Spain)

Psycho
(Czechoslovakia)

A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Germany)

A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Russia)

The Omen
(Czechoslovakia)

The Omen
(Turkey)

Return of the Living Dead
(France)

Scanners
(Italy)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(France)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(Italy)

Terror Train
(Germany)

Horror Community Highlights – October 23, 2009

Jon — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:30:08 +0000

Illustrations for the Poetical Works of Edgar Allan Poe
Golden Age Comic Book Stories
Edmund Dulac’s illustrations complement Poe’s work, but they’re brilliant enough to also stand on their own.
Zombie Holocaust (1980)
Planet of Terror
I’ll give a shout out to any website that rates movies according to these categories: Fear, Gore, Entertainment, Creepiness, and T&A Factor.
Visceral Visionaries: The Cloisters
The Vault of Horror
B-Sol’s photos from his tour of a collection of medieval artwork proves why the phrase “going medieval” means really horrific things are about the happen.
Horror Bloggers Reveal Their Weaknesses
HorrorBlips.Com
Read this to find out what scares even the most hardened horror bloggers.
Paradise Profiles: Mental Kavity
Paradise of Horror
This is the first in what I hope is an ongoing series that profiles the online horror community.
The Thing: Fully Sweded
Kindertrauma
They’re Norwegians, Mac.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Horror Posters: Japan

Corey — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 17:44:03 +0000

Re-Animator

House of 1000 Corpses

The Evil Dead

Dead Alive (Braindead)

Dead Silence

Cannibal Ferox (Make Them Die Slowly)

Day of the Dead

An American Werewolf in London

Tremors

Cannibal Holocaust

Friday the 13th

Dawn of the Dead

Friday the 13th Part VII

Friday the 13th Part V

Rosemary’s Killer (The Prowler)

Army of Darkness

Phantasm

The Thing

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Twilight

Horror Posters: Poland

Corey — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:55:26 +0000

i don’t know much about poland, but if their film posters are any indication, it is one wacky place. i’m particularly fond of/weirded out by the fly and the shining posters.

The Birds

The Shining

Rosemary’s Baby

Vertigo

The Omen

Nosferatu

Jaws

Jaws 2

Gremlins

The Fly

The Exorcist

Duel

Critters

Christine

The Changeling

Aliens

Alien

Angel Heart

Nintendo DSi Does Horror

Corey — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 22:36:34 +0000

i was playing around with my nintendo dsi and discovered it comes with a fairly nifty photo manipulation program. with the built in camera and a few pokes of the stylus, you can easily turn a nice picture of your favorite horror blogger like this into this monstrosity. like everything i encounter in life, i immediately began thinking “how can i apply this to horror films?” within a few minutes, i’d created the images you see below. while i’d prefer being able to load images directly into the dsi, the easiest way i found to get the images i wanted into it was just to hold the dsi up to my computer screen and take the picture.

Fan Art Field Trip: Re-Animator

Corey — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:30:00 +0000

jon’s recent snubbing of re-animator in his favorite h.p. lovecraft film adapations has inspired yet another trip into the sometimes beautiful but oft terrifying world of artistic fandom on deviantart.com. while familiar to most hard-core horror fans, i was concerned that re-animator would not have inspired as much fanart as the horror superstars we’ve looked at before (michael myers and jason voorhees, twice). i need not have worried, as herbert west has inspired hundreds of pieces of artwork in the world of fandom… some of which aren’t even super-creepy furry sex drawings.

Chibi Herbert West
by ~ gen98

‘chibi’ apparently means a small, child version of a character. i’m not sure what’s going on with the cheeks, but this is undoubtedly pretty cute… and makes me wish for a re-animator saturday morning cartoon show. maybe something in the vein of muppet babies. but with more enraged zombies.

Herbert West with Guns
by ~ Brwnelovchoclate

while herbert did go all clint eastwood at the beginning of the first sequel, i question the utility of (while, at the same time, praising the incredible efficiency of) having the gun shoot both bullets and re-animating fluid.

The Re-Animator cute’n'puffy
by = ailime

this is a rather endearing interpretation of our favorite brilliant, but misguided, medical student. i get why this is described as ‘cute’ and ‘puffy’… but ‘crispy’ seems a bit out of place. and those wee, stunted arms make me kinda sad. the same artist has done an interpretation of cthulhu as well.

hello reanimator
by ~ brigzy

that’s about the cutest thing i’ve ever seen. now if we can only get a version of dan as keroppi, we’ll be set.

Herbert West – Reanimator
by ~ benhaith

i really like this cartoon version of west. the devious, maniacal look in the eyes is fantastic and the resemblance to jeffery combs is uncanny. every medical student in the country should have this image hanging on their dorm room door.

Dr. Herbert West
by ~ lady-armstrong

this appears to be a rather simple photo manipulation, but i’m quite fond of the shadows and coloring. while most of the art here plays up the darkly humorous side of herbert, this one shows him as a far more tragic, and possibly evil, character.

Come a little closer…
by * KITTY-Z

not even the great h.p. lovecraft is immune from furrydom. one would think that an anorexic, female furry version of dr. herbert west sort of demands an explanation, but the artist’s only comment is:

“….Meh. I’ll write the description later.”

Come A Little Closer
by ~ RyuBunny

on the other hand, there is such a thing as too much explanation. this similarly themed (and, oddly, identically named) furry piece has a far too elaborate back-story for my tastes. the below is taken verbatim from the artist’s description…

“part bunny and part collie. but he looks more like his father/uncle. see his parents are both female and they wanted kids, so the mom (collie) got artfically inseminated. she ended up having twins and the one who donated came to vist. it ended up being the other feamle’s brother.”

Herbert and Dan’s Night
by ~ LieutenantSparkles

lieutenant sparkles brings us this respectful depiction of the complicated relationship between dr. herbert west and his reluctant accomplice, dan.

HACKSLASH REANIMATOR
by ~ ColtNoble

one of my favorite comics is the slasher film themed hack/slash. here’s the cover for a hack/slash and re-animator cross-over, an example of a professional comic artist showing off their work on deviantart.

Valentine’s Waltz
by ~ dr-worm

well, you knew it was only a matter of time before images of herbert and dan getting it on showed up. the artist, dr. worm, asks for our forgiveness in this piece’s description… and i can almost grant his request given a) the relative tameness of this drawing compared to much of what i run across on deviantart and b) the quirky inclusion of dr. hill’s flying head. dr. hill’s expression seems to say, “hey, don’t blame me… i’m just gonna fly over here to the right for a bit and get the hell out of frame, if it’s all the same to you.”

Urk
by ~ Boos-girl666

the description on this one does a great job explaining the impetus for this drawing and, like the description of the former image, asks for our forgiveness. i’m less inclined towards forgiveness here, but i do like the “wee!” at the end….

“May H.P Lovecraft, Jeffrey Combs, and Bruce Abbott come to forgive me. And every other Re-Animator fan out there. If you don’t particularly like this idea, don’t start flaming me for it, no one forced you to look at it mm-k? Anyway… on to an actual description. I dunno’ I see Herbert West, that once he gets going on describing a new theory of his, he would talk, and talk and talk. Dan, I imagine would get sick of hearing all the little rants and no matter what he did Herbert just would not stop, so what better way to get a person to shutup? So this doesn’t point to being an all out slashy homosexual thing, maybe Dan just wanted some piece and quiet, or he really had been wanting to do that for a long time and just needed an excuse…However you want to see it :D This was a pretty easy piece, the hardest thing was getting it to look like West was blushing!!! who would have thought that would be so difficult. Even now it’s not great, but the best I could do. wee!”

West… Herbert West…
by ~ MooreSpino

apparently i’m not the only person to think that the sims would be a hell of a lot more interesting with dr. herbert west. although, given his interest in doodling with body parts (remember that finger/eye thing he made?), herbert himself would probably be a spore man.

Jason vs Herbert West
by * Jazon19

in a scrap between jason and herbert, i’m pretty sure jason would come out on top… after all, herbert could barely handle a re-animated cat! here, however, herbert seems to have recruited some help from his experiments… i’m not entirely sure what’s up with the little green vials on their backs (maybe a constant sorce of re-animation serum to keep them going and under his control?) anyway, this isn’t a bad drawing by any means… i kinda like the spider-legged eyeball thing leering menacingly at jason from the upper right and the moxy of the guy with no legs.

Herbert East: Remanimator 3
by * Frohickey

is this just an exercise in absurdism (e.g., waiting for godot),or is there a joke in here? it’s like a möbius strip of unfunniness. i’ve read it about 30 times and i still can’t figure out where the alleged joke begins, ends or is.

Re-Animator: Reasons Why Not
by ~ ZevofB3K

the best part of this comic is that cthulhu feels the need to state his own name calmly and matter-of-factly in the last panel, as though he were some sort of depressed pokemon.

Dan and West
by ~ LadyKirk

of the images i found, this is one of my favorites. it rather perfectly captures the relationship between dan and herbert and i love the fact that, while pissed about it, herbert seems to know that dan’s statement is rather hard to dispute.

reanimator: SCIENCE, BITCHES
by * tentaclees

while not the most elegant or intellectual way of stating it, this does get across herbert’s philosophical pont-of-view rather clearly and plainly.

Childhood Horrors

Corey — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:35:00 +0000

it’s said that sources of trauma and terror in childhood become sources of attraction later in life. if nothing else, this basic tenet of human psychology goes a long way to explaining my love of horror films and, i would wager, yours as well. would i still love slasher films if i hadn’t been scared out of my seven year old mind by halloween one late october night? or, if in the years after, my grandparents had been a bit more strict and not allowed me to rent the entire friday the 13th series (only six films at that point)? i somehow doubt it.

one of the better horror blogs out there seems to be based on this simple idea. while covering many aspects of horror, kindertrauma seems primarily aimed at covering those aspects of film and television that scared you as a child. whether intentionally frightening (like sleestaks) or not (like slim goodbody), kindertrauma covers everything that made you into the horror fan you are.

with that idea in mind, i thought i’d list some of my own childhood experiences that contributed to my current love of the horror genre. (note: animated gifs may take a moment to load.)

halloween: closet scene

halloween scared the ever-living shit out of me. i was so scared that night, i couldn’t eat, sleep or walk straight. watching the film now for the umpteenth, it’s sometimes hard to appreciate the effect the film can have on its initial viewing. when i was seven, every second of that film was terrifying. even the seemingly benign scenes like the girls chatting after class held a since of dread, since you never knew when that haunting bit of music would start up, alerting you to the shape’s presence.

after laurie first “killed” michael, i was so relieved. i didn’t think i could take much more of michael leaping out of the shadows, and a sense of calm washed over me. little did i know that the single scariest moment in my movie-watching life was about to take place… i hid behind the sofa when michael appeared at the top of the stairs, not as dead as i’d hoped, and laurie ran for the bedroom. she leaves a window open and locks herself in the closet. michael’s no dummy though and doesn’t fall for her clever ruse, and begins pulling on the closet door handles. i wish i had a video tape of myself watching this scene for the first time… as best i can recall, i was crouched behind the sofa, peeking over the edge… all the while sort of bouncing up and down and yelling “oh my god! oh my god!” as michael crashed through the closet door, knocking the single light bulb swinging, i’m certain i screamed.

the sense of excitement and fear this film left me with in the hours, nights and years that followed is why halloween is still my favorite film and, at least partly, why i am a horror fan today.

bloody mary

whoever came up with this urban legend is a genius. this legend is so scary that you don’t even need to know the back story for it to work. when i was a kid i think there was some vague story about a woman named mary having her baby killed or something… it doesn’t matter. the only important part is that you’re supposed to go into a dark room alone with just a candle and say ‘bloody mary’ three times into a mirror which makes mary appear. i remember doing this with friends when i was seven or eight in our center bathroom (which had no windows) and being absolutely convinced that if i said it all three times, a woman covered in blood would be behind the shower curtain in the mirror’s reflection. i could only say her name twice before running out yelling.

the headless roommate

i recall reading daniel cohen’s “the headless roommate and other tales of terror” alone in bed, late one night while at the beach. i’d checked out the book from the school library, so it was a hardcover with no slip cover, leaving the book just a plain red with small white lettering… which somehow made it creepier. the book is basically just a collection of urban legends, many of which you’d already be familiar with (e.g., “the vanishing hitchhiker”). the story that stuck with me the most, however, is usually referred to as “the furry collar.” the gist of the story can be read here, but cohen’s version is much longer, better paced, and scarier. i remember that the room i was in while reading it was at the top of a long flight of stairs, just like in the story. what little sleep i got that night, i got with the lights on.

scary stories to tell in the dark

if you’re reading this site, then i’d bet good money you’re familiar with these books. and i doubt i need to remind you of the scariest part of these books… it wasn’t the stories (which were typically rather lame… e.g., “i’m the viper: i’m here to vipe the vindows”) — it was the pictures. the artist for these books somehow tapped directly into what nightmares look like and put it on paper. even twenty years later i could recall the four pictures that scared me the most… and it didn’t take me long to find them.

witchboard

while not a particularly scary movie, witchboard caught me at just the right time. i was spending the night alone for one of the first times and it was on hbo at midnight. i don’t recall exactly what in the movie hit me so hard, but i remember being utterly freaked out all night afterwards. i ran around the house, double-checking all the locks on the doors and windows and would jump at every floorboard creak. i watched the movie again recently, and i honestly can’t figure out how i could be so scared of a movie about a plank of wood that features a bubble-gum chewing, uber-1980s dressed psychic named zarabeth.

friday the 13th: the novel

this is a weird one for three reasons. for one, the film friday the 13th hadn’t scared me. two, while reading the book it was daylight at a friend’s birthday party. and three, the book isn’t particularly well written. regardless, somehow reading about the doomed counselors at crystal lake was somehow so much more frightening than watching. i distinctly remember annie’s (the cook) death scene, and its description from her point of view as the blood ran out her throat and everything faded to white. i was rattled for a while after reading that chapter… at least until my friend’s dad put rambo on the tv.

clowns

i don’t really understand why the circus keeps going with the whole ‘clown’ thing, since i don’t know anyone that likes them. clowns are scary, case closed. i don’t recall the moment i realized clowns were bad news, but i remember a couple contributing factors.

my mom hated circuses. she was unnaturally terrified of popping balloons and avoided the circus when i was a kid… which clearly conveyed to me that something there was to be feared.
octopussy. psycho, knife-wielding twin clowns open the film. ’nuff said.
clive barker’s “dread.” one of my favorite barker short stories, it features a psychologist obsessed with the study of fear and an axe-wielding clown.
it. tim curry. awesome.

jaws

jaws, being the sneaky little devil that it is, wasn’t content to just scare me once. like everyone else in the world, the film made me afraid of the ocean for… well, ever. the scene where the shark first surfaces in front of brody knocked me down into the seat cushions. however, it was years later that i read the book and was traumatized all over again. in particular, i remember the opening scene with the skinny-dipping girl. the book describes her feeling a slight tug from below, which she wasn’t very concerned about. she reaches down to see what it was, and feels the cleanly sliced stump where her foot should have been. that concept, of being in the black water and being cut so cleanly and quickly that you don’t even realize it, freaked me out so completely that i think of it every time i go near the beach to this day.

a lamb on elm st.

i don’t know why, but the scariest moment for me in a nightmare on elm street was during the opening credits when a lamb wanders by. while it may not sound like nightmare fuel, for some reason it got me. it’s so weirdly out of place and surreal, it strengthens the dream-like quality of the scene… and for some reason that bleating lamb in midst of the steam pipes and krueger’s laughing left me really disturbed. if tina’s immediate reaction to the shot of the lamb is any indication, this effect was intentional.

halloween: michael sits up

ending up where we began, halloween deserves another mention on this list. while michael crashing through the closet was the scariest moment in the film for me, the creepiest moment happens a few minutes later. michael is dead… again. unfamiliar with horror clichés at the time, i completely believed the killer was finally dead. then occurs the creepiest moment in film history… from over laurie’s shoulder, michael sits up and turns towards her. the action is so mechanical and unemotional, watching it still tingles my spine and heebies my jeebies to this day.

New Logo and Super Fun Contest Time

Corey — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 19:38:00 +0000

hopefully you’ve noticed that eo2l has undergone a bit of a face-lift, with the most notable change being our spiffy new logo. the caricatures of michael myers and laurie strode were drawn by a promising new artist by the enigmatic name of Raven (her deviant art page). we’re so enamored with her ultra-cute version of everyone’s favorite fall season slasher, we’ve commissioned her for some more images for the site.

jon and i liked the logo so much that we’ve decided to have it printed on a few t-shirts and miscellaneous items through zazzle. i’m not arrogant enough to think there’s a huge market for items related to this blog, but i do think the halloween caricatures are just so damn cute that maybe one or two of you would be interested in seeing the storefront i put together for jon and myself. after all, if final girl, notlp or anchorwoman in peril had a t-shirt, i’d want to see it. below is a nifty flash panel, or you can see the entire store at zazzle.com/evilontwolegs.

in addition to showing you the store, we’ve also decided to give a few items away for free in our name-that-movie-super-amazing-fun-time contest!

as you may have noticed, we have a little slideshow of images from various horror films running in our sidebar. i’ve taken eighteen of those and listed them below. all you need to do is email corey@evilontwolegs.com, naming the film that each of the images comes from. please number your answers and state the full title, including sequel number. the person with the highest number correct will receive a free item of their choice (t-shirt, mousepad, mug) from our store and a copy of clive barker’s jericho for the xbox360 (or, how about a pinhead action figure if you don’t have a 360?). in the case of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random.

edit: we’re receiving some very accurate entries, but so far no one has gotten every one right, so don’t think just because you don’t know ever single one means you couldn’t win. we’ll also be supplying additional prizes to some of the runners-up, so get those entries in. :)

#10

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#18

Fan Art Field Trip: Halloween

Corey — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:12:00 +0000

twice now we’ve gone on safari into the often bizarre but always fascinating world of slasher film fan art (see here and here). in the near future we’ll be looking into similar artistic endeavors related to an american werewolf in london, re-animator and others… but today it’s time to look at the character for whom this site is named, my favorite of the classic slashers — halloween‘s michael myers.

KILLERS at the BEACH
by ~ inkchocobo

starting off with a bang, here’s an unsurprising homo-erotic depiction of freddy, michael and jason enjoying some time off at the beach. the artist explains that freddy is flexing, michael was about to attack him until a dolphin bonked him and jason is left alone on the shore with a flower. some questions though… why does michael have a spear? why does jason have a flower? is that really the best beach background you could find? and, perhaps most importantly… why would someone be compelled to draw this?

Lets have a closer look..
by ~ Moesph

following a similar romantic theme is this rather unique idea of what a michael vs. jason film would be like. the artist explains his vision…

“michael’s burying his head into Jason’s manly boobs- er I mean pecs.

had nothing to do at my grandma’s.”

Halloween Michael Myers Mask
by ~ Nooperz

all too often the myers mask looks nonthreatening or just ‘off’ somehow (particularly after the first film). in this pencil sketch, it looks perfect.

Sleeping Myers. . .
by ~ Alptrauma

an interpretative, emotional and strangely beautiful rendering of michael…

Ghost Attempt – Michael Myers
by ~ thedemogorgon

what’s going on here, exactly? all i can figure is michael is looking for a christmas tree while marty mcfly is having trouble getting his mom and dad together at the ‘enchantment under the sea’ dance.

MicHael-myers—–
by ~ masterofstickmen

isn’t this just a screenshot from the film with the default settings on the photoshop texturizer filter?

Chibi Myers Desktop Wallpaper
by * darkravenofchaos

i have to admit it… that’s kinda adorable. this is one of my favorites.

Halloween
by ~ SarshelYam

a striking, simple and unique take on halloween. this is exactly the kind of thing i was hoping to find when i began looking into fan art for these posts. not and endless parade of ‘michael and jason making out,’ ‘michael as a sexy cat,’ ‘michael as a woman,’ etc..

FMJ -_-
by ~ MzMorgana

speaking of which… here’s how the artist describes this piece.

“ahhah.. This might be a bit weird. I dunno, I have this thing about drawing male chars I love as females.. It’s not very well done, I did it on a school lesson kinda fast.”

Snickers
by ~ pennyonthericher

michael in a dress. you may be asking, “why is a drawing of michael myers in a dress titled ‘snickers’?” well, the artist explains that’s because they found the snickers super bowl commercial really funny. makes perfect sense to me.

Michael Myers Dragon
by ~ RaptorBarry

this 14 year old artist is actually really pretty good. apparently this was requested, so one can’t really blame the artist for the subject matter… but that leaves me wondering for what purpose a person requests a picture of michael myers as a blue dragon wearing a purple shirt?

zomg
by ~ CannibalWeasel

you can’t make this kind of stuff up. yes, that’s michael myers as a skunk nuzzling up to a predator. the description of this piece is:

“Please… Don’t hurt me for this!!”

Trick… or Treat?
by * monroeart

did the world really need this? can’t you people just depict michael myers in a normal, healthy way — you know, like cutting up teenagers with a kitchen knife?

They say he hunts on Halloween
by * Kristehvampire

this is not only disturbing, but exemplifies really unsafe pumpkin carving technique.

JasonxMichael2 by MzMorgana
by ~ Hack-N-Slash-Club

the artist creepily critiques his own work in the description of this one…

What I like: See for yourself.
What I dislike: I don’t want michael to be feminine, and I don’t want Jason to be a perv.

Lethal Love
by ~ LasCamisasDeRayas

here we have the shape and annie wilkes (stephen king’s misery) married and expecting. john carpenter and rob reiner should hop on this idea quick…

Myers
by ~ Ztian

i know the shape doesn’t speak, but looking at this i can’t help but imagine him talking. take your fists and push on your cheeks from each side, towards your mouth so it’s all squooshy. now say ‘nom nom nom’ really loud… that’s kinda what i imagine him saying here.

Michael Ref. Sheet – UPDATE
by ~ data-7-panther-dude

sheesh… not another anatomically correct portrait of michael myers as a mixed-breed cat wearing gold earrings.

michael myers
by ~ fhghghjh

i chose this one just because the text made me laugh.

he’s come. and when he’s come… you die!

Michael vs. Elvis
by ~ evilchibiminion

one of my favorite of the ‘cute’ caricatures i’ve seen, i absolutely love how michael is depicted here in cartoon form. apparently this was drawn by request for a t-shirt, and again i’m left wondering what need someone had for this exact scenario be depicted visually. maybe something for a halloween and bubba ho-tep film festival?

Michael Myers .. I guess..
by * XxXAzucarXxX

this is what michael might look like if he showed up on the cartoon network. i like how fantastically mischievous he looks…

Rob Zombie’s Michael Myers
by ~ planedreamer

this reminds me of the scene where the guy gets nailed to the kitchen wall and michael looks at him puzzled, like he’s not quite sure why his toy stopped moving. here michael looks defeated, unsatisfied and a little sad, despite obviously having just killed. in a lot of ways, this is better than the remake that inspired it.

Fan Art Field Trip: Friday the 13th (part 2)

Corey — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:39:00 +0000

my previous field trip through the mysterious world of friday the 13th fan art at deviantart.com was so much fun, i thought i’d share a few more examples i found. with no further ado, i present you with part 2 of our continuing coverage…

Jason Kitty
by ~ LadyManka

the artist states that this is jason as a “maine coon cat.” having never seen one, i can’t say for sure… but i somehow doubt a maine coon cat is blue. also, my friend cara asks… is that the blood of a victim or is jason having some sort of sanitary problem?

Jason’s New Look
by ~ FreddyJasonV

given the direction the series is headed in (i.e., uber-jason from jason x and black slug jason from jason goes to hell), this may not be such a far-fetched idea for how jason will look in the next movie.

Pretty In Pink
by ~ Cheetana

jason wouldn’t be a blonde.

Miss Jason Voorhees
by ~ pinkz5

ah, that’s better. well, actually this isn’t supposed to be jason… according to the artist’s comments, this is “jason’s hott wife.”

Darth Voorhees
by ~ ZZoMBiEXIII

this is still a better idea than casting hayden christensen.

Bob Voorhees
by ~ ZackBlaze

yep.

The Masks We Wear
by ~ agonistes666

i kinda like this — particularly the eye. it seems to be saying “hey! what are you doing looking at me! there’s some really amazing crap over to your left!”

Jason Voorhees
by * lerms

this was created for the baja international film festival. in addition, it kinda kicks ass.

Jason wins a Tournament
by * evil-ed316

jason ftw!

JASON
by ~ THEvoorhees

note the mustache. and i’m really enamored by the fact that ‘grunt’ needed its own word bubble.

Stripper Jason
by ~ JesseSchwarzenfornia

i think the fact that this didn’t phase me a bit means i’ve been looking at this stuff far too long.

Jason’s little treasure
by * Genjibunbun

from the author’s comments… “before you get all weirded out, it’s not a sexual relationship (for obvious reasons). ”

before i get weirded out? that train has already left the station, my friend.

Dance of DEATH
by ~ zarla

i really like this piece. in addition to a certain undefinable adorable-ness, it made me lol.

Down Time – Ynnep
by ~ Hack-N-Slash-Club

if you imagined freddy impregnating jason, you’d probably think that this a completely original, albeit bizarre, idea. sadly, you’d be wrong.

Jason Krueger 2.0
by ~shadow-rider2

this is what i imagine when someone says “freddy and jason together.” not the situations depicted in the previous few images.

Video Nasties – Slasher Edition

Corey — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:07:00 +0000

in our third article covering artwork from the video nasty era, i’m taking a look at slasher films. click images for larger versions. for background info and more covers, check out our previous entries.

historically important but otherwise laughable, this herschell gordon lewis gore classic centers around an insane egyptian attempting to build the perfect woman out of parts attached to girls who are still using them. i’ve seen better covers for this film, but this one has the bravery to ask “what would happen if einstein went on a killing spree in a yellow suit?”

most of these covers use a barrage of small images and inane taglines in a desperate, frantic attempt to attract your attention. this cover goes the opposite route, using just one image and the film’s title… i like it. apparently this is an ultra low-budget spanish giallo featuring lots of disco. as horrible as that sounds, i’ve got to see this movie based on the cover alone.

with a name like the blue eyes of the broken doll, you just know its going to be scary. also known as the house of psychotic women and the house of doom, likely due to distributors thinking the “blue eyes” title just didn’t convey the proper sense of fear. i can’t really tell what’s going on in the bottom two photos, but the top two make this look like it might be a half-decent horror film. also — the yellow eyebrows are freaking me out.

hey! we actually reviewed this film here and here. i much prefer the covers featuring cropsy holding the shears above his head, but as is true of most of the video nasties, this cover is horribly literal. following the what-you-see-is-what-you-get philosophy, this cover presupposes that anyone interested in something called the burning wants to be absolutely sure that they will actually get to see a guy on fire.

oh! i’m glad they decided to go with such subtle cover art. i don’t have photo of the box’s back, but i’m fairly sure the warning mentioned (bottom left corner) will say “warning: holy crap! front cover has a picture of a guy with a freakin’ drill going into his forehead!”

i don’t see any of the same names here, so i’m not sure who the “people” are mentioned in the top blurb. its certainly the same cover designer as the driller killer, so perhaps that’s what they meant. the same red/white/yellow color scheme, the same red text borders… the same odd mention of traversing through “flesh and bone.” unfortunately this isn’t as successful of a cover as i have no idea what it’s supposed to represent. i think that’s an axe, but what’s that reflected in it? a kalamata olive resting on a sea anemone?

this one really reminds me of a “choose your own adventure” book from when i was a kid. the tagline (in the near illegible orange) even kind of sounds like the first page of one… “if you go down to the woods today — you might never get out alive! if you want to go down to the woods today, turn to page 113. otherwise turn to page 39…”

cliff twemlow wrote, starred in and composed the music for this shot on video crime drama. i’ve included it here because while it may not be a slasher film, it certainly looks like one based on the cover art alone. i’m particularly fond of the ‘not for the squeamish’ call-out, the odd use of caps and quotes around “MORE BRUTAL,” and the fact that the quote “more brutal than the long good friday” is attributed to no one in particular.

why indeed.

a little on the busy side, this cover leaves no room for misconceptions. in case the title and image left you wondering if this was an american splatter movie, it lets you know right in the corner there. i’m not sure what the x is doing after the title (unless that’s the rating) and what i really want is that guy to take his razor and carve a little semi-colon up there after ‘celebrating’ in the tagline.

that is a fantastic title font. and i’m not sure this neighborhood would qualify as ‘quiet’ given the reflections in his glasses… looks like it’s a pretty happening place before he converts it to a slaughterhouse. the only other noteworthy thing here is that i’m glad intervision specifies that the video entertainment they supply is recorded before-hand and not actually recorded as you watched it.

great exploitation movie title… but do you think it refers to the killer or the victims? or both? and do you really think the financial status of either relate to the plot?

i’ve always wanted to see torso, but have yet to run across a copy of it. i’ve heard it’s a classic and far better than this cover would lead you to believe. the top half seems straight-forward enough, but what’s with the bottom half and that quote? those are like super-ellipses and parts of just make no sense. “gore and gal?” and are they really trying to attribute that nonsensical quote to variety?

i own this mean-spirited exploitation slasher, and it’s pretty much what you’d expect given this cover. the cover isn’t bad except maybe the narcissistic-ally sized “from hokushin” and the clumsily phrased tagline which appears to include an extra “by bit.”

this is my favorite cover of the batch, for a number of reasons. i love the bloodless claw and the clean, corduroy jacket pulled up over it… i love that the girl appears to have been wearing a table cloth… but most of all i love the simple tagline, “he’s back…” it implies that we should be familiar with the steel claw and shocked at his return… yet this doesn’t appear to be a sequel. there’s something sort of odd and charming about a film attempting to look like a sequel to cash in on a non-existent successful predecessor. or, perhaps the title of this film is actually he’s back… steel claw… a strange title for certain, but no weirder than quantum of solace.

this actually arrived on dvd recently is waiting patiently in my netflix queue for me to get to it. the cover would lead me to believe someone goes car to car at a drive-in and kills everyone with a pirate sword, which doesn’t sound like an easy feat to pull off, so i’m looking forward to it. this one outdoes the driller killer in that not only does it have a ‘see warning on reverse’ notice… it also has a warning on the front. i’m certain on the back it says ‘see warning on reverse’ and also has the same warning printed here, so you could actually get caught for hours in the video store turning the box over and over, caught in a crappy b-movie möbius strip. in BASIC this would translate to:

10 PRINT “SEE WARNING ON FRONT”
20 PRINT “SEE WARNING ON BACK”
30 GOTO 10

Video Nasties – Monsters Edition

Corey — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 14:15:00 +0000

a few weeks ago we featured an article showcasing some of the video artwork from the so-called ‘video nasty’ era (see my previous article or wikipedia for historical context). well, it’s time to take a look at some more covers … and this time it’s all monster movies! please click the covers for larger versions (which will amaze and astound you by popping up in an ultra-cool overlay window).

if the werewolf is this terrifying, we can only imagine what the yeti looks like. i thought this was romantic comedy until i saw that the two title characters will be involved in ‘deadly combat.’

i really want to know what this guy is looking at that’s got him so riled up. also… does that woman have three arms?

i just love this film’s title. i’m also quite fond of the likeness of the snowman… he seems to be saying “hey, sorry about your picture frame, friend. this light just got in my eye and i lost my footing… i’ll clean it right up.” also… um… i question the intelligence of the college students mentioned given their apparent choice of geographic areas to conduct their search for a yeti. i haven’t seen this film but i’m certain it contains a scene where the college kids are confronted by a group of criminals who ask “what are you doing here on our island?” to which the kids undoubtedly reply… “looking for the abominable snowman.”

this cover really isn’t all that bad, although neither the ‘land of the lost’ homage nor the monster with jazz hands makes me want to go search this film out.

rarely do you hear the phrase ‘sir run run shaw presents inseminoid.’ i’m not sure what’s going on in that picture, but i’m sure it’s scandalous. i question the yellow ‘x’ that seems out of place (is that part of the title or the rating?)… and in particular, i’m annoyed by the poor use of pronouns as our alien cassanova goes from a ‘he’ to an ‘it’ in the same sentence.

sandy cobe seems a bit pretentious to demand his own badly drawn trapezoid, but apart from that… i like this cover.

*sigh*
that ‘n’ should really be capitalized. also… JOHN AGAR.

i suppose they called it that because this was already taken.

the guy in this picture seems more interested in that girl’s frazetta-esque derriere than in the giant blue occult barrier about to smoosh him.

i actually own this film. those teeth are pretty cool. the movie is not.

there are few people in my life that i trust enough to watch beast with.
be glad you are not one of them.

generally considered one of the few films to actually deserve its inclusion on the nasty list, this is the description i found of this film’s plot…

gruesome killing & cannibalism including stomping on the bellies of pregnant women so as to snack on their fetuses. as a finale, the beast dies after eating his own intestines.

andy warhol once said, “the only thing scarier than udo kier is udo kier with a heart on a pike.”