evilontwolegs.com » Friday the 13th

Horror Movie Plots That Could Have Been Defused By Someone Not Being a Douchbebag

Jon — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 16:22:02 +0000

I’ve pretty much given up on television because I can’t watch it without seeing a commercial for The Jersey Shore or some like-minded show featuring the escapades of douchebags. And knowing that “The Situation” has published a BOOK makes me want to move to outer Mongolia, live in a dark, ice-encrusted cave, and never look at a television screen again. I’d do it, but that would mean giving up horror films. And I can’t have that. For one, horror films are a reprieve against shows like The Jersey Shore because they often warn us that douchebags are not harmless simpletons. They’re a dangerous societal problem. Here are five films that prove it.

Brandon Sinclair in Witchboard (1986)

This film hinges on the fact that Brandon Sinclair is a wannabe professor of the occult with a concentration in the kooky art of the Oujia board. All of his pretentious, pseudo-academic vocabulary can’t change the fact that his beloved Ouija board is basically a child’s game popularized by Parker Brothers. But what makes Brandon a world-class douchebag is that he brings this Oujia board to a party and then dominates the conversation with it, even when it’s clear that nobody else cares about it. Douchebags like Brandon simply can’t fathom the idea that people aren’t as interested in their dumb hobbies as they are. Then, to make matters worse, he leaves it behind when he finally goes home. If he had simply left his stupid Ouija board in the car, and brought a Pepsi or a bag of chips to the party like a normal person, then Linda would have never found his Ouija board and fooled around with it, thus provoking the wrath of the evil spirit Malfeitor.

Mr. Teague in Poltergeist (1982)

One of the recurring themes in horror films is that the safety and seclusion of suburbia is an illusion. In Poltergeist, it only takes one douchebag to ruin suburban bliss for everyone when Steve learns that his swimming pool, cozy little house, and entire neighborhood was built on an old graveyard. And Mr. Teague, his boss and real estate mogul in charge of the neighborhood’s development, never bothered to move the bodies. This means that Steve has been having his blissful backyard barbecues on top of some very dead, but very angry spirits. This would be horrific enough, but it’s the callous disregard for decency that makes Mr. Teague a true douchebag of villainous proportions.

Dr. Crews in Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (1988)

This franchise really needed part 7. The previous two films were disappointing, but part 7 is arguably one of the best in the entire series. So, in a way, I guess I should be thankful that Dr. Crews was such a manipulative, selfish douchebag in the way that he treats Tina Shepard. Had he been a decent and caring doctor, and not chosen to study and exploit Tina’s telekinetic powers by taking her to the very spot where her father was brutally murdered, then Tina wouldn’t have psychically spazzed out enough to inadvertently resurrect Jason. It’s hard to say, really, who’s worse – Jason or Dr. Crews. For instance, in a shocking display of his true nature, Crews uses Tina’s mother as a human shield. Mercifully, Jason puts an end to the doctor’s evil douchebag rampage by killing him with a saw.

Billy Nolan in Carrie (1976)

Billy Nolan is greasy, mean, and stupid – the perfect douchebag. While Chris is the actual villain of the film, and the one who hates Carrie the most, she could not have carried out her plans to humiliate Carrie without the help of Billy. He doesn’t have anything against Carrie, but a douchebag doesn’t need any real or deep-seated motivation. They just go with their misguided instincts and primal urges. His girlfriend Chris tells him to kill a pig, drain its blood, and then hang it in a bucket above the gymnasium, and so that’s exactly what he does. And the resulting mayhem caused by a blood-drenched Carrie is now a horror film classic.

Juno in The Descent (2005)

Traditionally, the status of douchebag is reserved for males who take their reckless and brazen behavior to shocking new heights of selfishness or stupidity. However, Juno is the undisputed heavy-weight champ and queen mother of all douchebags. First, she has an affair with her friend’s husband, and even carries around a gift she received from him even after he’s killed in a car accident. And then she has the gall to “apologize” for not being around her friend so much after the accident. Also, when she accidentally injures another friend, Beth, she does nothing to help her, and instead panics and leaves her behind to die. In true douchebag fashion, Juno’s instinct for self-preservation trumps all other concerns. An equally audacious and unforgivable act is her decision to take an inexperienced, already traumatized group into dangerous, unexplored cave system, while lying about it and insisting that she knows exactly where she’s going. It’s the sort of wildly reckless, smug confidence that is at the heart of being a douchebag. And, of course, had she simply taken them to the cave she was supposed to, they wouldn’t have had their disastrous encounter with a murderous race of underground cave mutants.

Biggest WTF? Sequels in Slasher Film History

Corey — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 17:09:20 +0000

a common criticism of the slasher is that it is formulaic. take a group of kids and have them hunted and killed by a psycho. at the end, the least slutty of the kids fights back, then escapes and/or kills the monster. fade to black. yes, it’s a simple formula — but it’s also a formula that works. when dealing with a slasher film franchise, every sequel brings a little something new to the table by tweaking the formula slightly (e.g., picking a new location like new york or outer space, throwing in a psychic, etc.), but overall the idea stays the same. usually.

every once in a while a director or producer gets control of a franchise and decides to shake things up by trying something drastically original. this rarely ends well. below are my personal picks for the biggest “wtf?” slasher sequels that left fans scratching their heads and bewildered when walking to their cars from the theater. normally when i make these lists, the order is irrelevant — but here i’ve actually ranked them from the smallest wtf? to the biggest wtf?, based on how loud i yelled the phrase once the credits rolled.

#5 – WES CRAVEN’S NEW NIGHTMARE

this actually isn’t that bad of an entry in the NIGHTMARE series, but boy is it odd. more meta than meta, this film turns the camera around, blurring the line between fiction and reality by taking place in world where a guy named wes craven wrote and directed the original A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. the film follows the original cast/crew of the first film, as the world’s knowledge and fear of freddy krueger is actually bringing his fictional character into our world, and he’s targeting his creators. for the most part, the idea of a demon stalking people in their dreams remains intact, so this film elicited a rather meager “wtf?” from me at its conclusion, but those who went in without much knowledge of ELM STREET‘s imdb page and were expecting a more traditional freddy krueger film were probably far more perplexed.

#4 – THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE has its moments of dark comedy, but most audiences missed them due to being in shock from the overwhelming terror they had experienced from the film’s other 82.5 minutes. it also featured a surprising restraint in the gore department, showing very little on-screen violence and almost no blood — which didn’t lessen the impact of the film in the slightest (and may have actually heightened it). its sequel, released 12 years later, confused audiences by pretty much reversing everything i just said about the original. while the basic idea of a family killing and eating people remains intact, very little of the horror does. TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 is, in many ways, more of an action/adventure film than horror, with copious amounts of dark humor and political allegory thrown in for good measure. it also features some of the most over-the-top gore ever recorded on film, thanks to the work of tom savini. like most, i now love TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 as much as the original, but it took many years for that appreciation to grow because of the huge divide in tone and intent of the two films.

#3 – JASON GOES TO HELL

regardless of what you call it (JASON GOES TO HELL, FRIDAY THE 13th PART 9, THE FINAL FRIDAY, etc.), this film kinda sucks. it has its moments (e.g., creighton duke describing what he thinks of when he hears the name “jason voorhees” and the tent kill), but largely this is just a big ‘ol turd. the primary reason for this is that when you go to see a FRIDAY THE 13th film, you’re expecting to see jason. particularly when the effing title of the film starts with his name. instead, what we received was a jason-as-the-bread sandwich, with 3 minutes of jason at the beginning, another 3 minutes at the end, filled in the middle with 85 minutes of a body-hopping demon slug. i understand cunningham wanted to take the series in a new direction, but he really needed to choose a different one. because there is nothing down the road in that particular direction other than tears, pain and disappointment.

#2 – FRIDAY THE 13th PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING

perhaps the impact of the ninth FRIDAY THE 13th sequel was lessened because the series had already faced an even bigger “wtf?” moment years earlier with part five. to be fair, the subtitle does tell you right there, straight up, we’re beginning something kinda new here. what it doesn’t mention is that “something kinda new” equates to “something kinda shitty.” just look at the poster. it’s just words, and the biggest word of all on it is “JASON.” a reasonable person might think that implies that jason is featured prominently in the film… well, that reasonable person isn’t really as reasonable as you thought because they would be wrong. instead of the big triumphant return of jason voorhees, the big climax is the reveal that the killer is some guy named roy. roy, an extra who appeared in the film 80 minutes ago, who you probably don’t even remember and whose motivation doesn’t really make much sense. yeah, it was stupid in 1985 and it’s stupid now and, in all likelihood, it will be stupid for an indefinite time into the future. the producers got it right with the next sequel, by informing audiences right away in the title that “jason lives.” because i doubt they would have lined up around the block for FRIDAY THE 13th PART 6: ROY RETURNS.

#1 – HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH

now we’re to the big kahuna, the largest “wtf?” slasher film of them all. this one really bucks tradition because while the other four can at least be categorized roughly as “slasher films,” HALLOWEEN 3 cannot. it has something to do with robots and stonehenge and tom atkins screaming a lot (which is always fun to watch), but it has absolutely nothing to do with a guy in a white mask stabbing people. which, as i recall, was a pretty big part of HALLOWEEN and HALLOWEEN 2. this film has a cult following and actually isn’t that bad — but it should have been titled STONEHENGE DEATH BOTS or something, NOT HALLOWEEN 3. likely due to its financial performance, the studio learned its lesson and eventually released HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS, which is roughly the same thing as titling it HALLOWEEN 4: SORRY ABOUT THAT LAST CRAP-FEST, HERE’S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR. if you couldn’t read or were so traumatized by part three that you’d forgotten his name, they also put michael’s head on the poster so there’d be no ambiguity. it filled about 120% of the frame.

The Crazy Old Kooks of Horror

Jon — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:36:44 +0000

When it comes to character types in horror films, the final girls and their assorted sidekicks get most of the attention. But what would horror films be without the ubiquitous crazy old kook? Without them we’d all be DOOMED, I tell you, DOOMED! Here’s a list of my favorites.

Mr. Diehl, from The Children of the Corn

Aside from running the world’s worst gas station, Mr. Diehl’s purpose in this film is to warn Burt and Vicki to stay the hell away from Gatlin in the most cranky way possible. And the fact that he has no gas at his gas station, or telephone, and won’t let them use his restroom, is a clear signal that Burt and Vicki will be on their own for the rest of the film. As the last surviving adult in the area, his death symbolizes the end of any morality or normalcy that once governed the children. His death, in other words, means that the already freaky children of Gatlin are about to get a lot freakier.

Memorable quote: “Well, folks in Gatlin’s got a religion. They don’t like outsiders, and they probably don’t have a phone there either.”

Old Man Cadwell, from Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever is a strange but enjoyable mash-up of about every genre of horror and exploitation film you could think of. It feels like a slasher film (even though it’s not) in part because of the presence of Old Man Cadwell and his cohort of locals who harangue the kids partying in their woods. Cadwell is actually rather likable with his strange elfish voice, Santa Claus beard, and hillbilly-style hospitality. Still, his friendly nature is probably a thin veil for something more sinister, and it gives the film an appropriate sense of tension early on. After all, he appears to be a racist, he’s selling guns in his general store, and he seems a little detached from reality. Plus, he and his cohorts look like they know they’re way around a lynching. His main purpose in the film, however, is to provide it with a subversive sense of humor. I won’t spoil the punch line here, but the entire film is sandwiched between a bizarre joke that challenges his redneck stereotype. He is also kind enough to warn the kids about the perils of spilling the bottles of fox urine for sell in his store.

Memorable quote: “Oh Lord, don’t drop that! If you do, that’s powerful stuff! All the foxes around would come down here. You’d have friends like you’d never had before.”

Sylvia Ganush, from Drag Me to Hell

Typically, the crazy old kook in a horror film tries to warn those who refuse to listen or take their warning seriously. Other times, they provide the film with a sense of local color or sinister atmosphere. Sylvia’s character is a deliberate subversion of all that. She’s reminiscent of the classic Gypsy in films such as Dracula or Wolf Man. In those films, a wise and powerful Gypsy offers guidance and protection to the film’s protagonist. In this film, Sylvia symbolizes old-world beliefs and values in a cynical modern world, and she’ll have her revenge against those who won’t respect her. In doing so, she proves that crazy old kooks can be just as deadly as any monster or masked slasher.

Memorable quote: “I beg and you shame me?”

Mrs. Bundy, from The Birds

My favorite Hitchcock film actually has two crazy old kooks. The first is the town drunk who performs the time-honored old kook role of being the herald of doom as he drunkenly proclaims that it’s “the end of the world” throughout the film. But the more important kook is Mrs. Bundy, an amateur ornithologist. I’ve always taken her androgynous appearance to be a symbolic contrast to the more glamorous and sexualized Melanie Daniels. But more than that, she is the voice of reason in world gone crazy, and reminds everyone who’ll listen that the local birds are not capable of conspiring in an organized attack against the town. Unfortunately for the town, but fortunately for film history, she’s wrong about all that.

Memorable quote: “I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn’t stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?”

Reverend Sayer from Halloween 4

If you were to combine Captain Ahab, Jerry Falwell, and Otis the town drunk, you’d have a pretty close approximation of Reverend Sayer. Like any self-respecting kook, Sayer takes his religion very seriously, and he’s determined to cleanse the world of a rather vaguely defined evil he’s been chasing for years. He was probably a competent minister at one point, especially given the fact that he provides Dr. Loomis with solace and a much-needed morale boost. But Sayer is also tormented by his own personal demons that all the whiskey in heaven or earth will never drown.

Memorable quote: “I’ve been huntin’ the bastard for 30 years, give or take. Come close a time or two. Too damn close! You can’t kill damnation, Mister. It don’t die like a man dies!”

Crazy Ralph, from Friday the 13th

Crazy Ralph is the cloth from which all other crazy old kooks are cut. He’s got all the classic attributes. He’s bonkers and claims that God has given him a special mission to warn everyone about Camp Crystal Lake and its “death curse.” He’s eccentric and rides around on an dilapidated blue bicycle. He’s as ornery as they come and seems to especially dislike teenagers. If you want to get all fancy about it, you could argue that he symbolizes the failures of a rational, adult world that can’t protect or connect with the youngsters in the film.

Memorable quote: “Doomed! You’re all doomed!

Ki-Ki-Ki Ma-Ma-Ma

Corey — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 14:47:03 +0000

happy friday the 13th!

because i’m a giant dufus, i forgot to plan ahead and write some new content for this super-special holiday… so instead, here are a few links to some of our old friday the 13th related posts that don’t suck too much!

Naughty Bear Slasher Costumes

Corey — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:59:47 +0000

the idea of store-specific pre-order incentives for games usually annoys me and i don’t think i’ve ever been influenced to buy a game based on them — until now. i didn’t have an overwhelming interest in NAUGHTY BEAR (coming soon to ps3 and xbox360), although i have to admit the idea of being a homicidal teddy bear does sound rather intriguing. now that i think about it… it’s kinda like getting to be a serial killer that lives on sesame street. that’s about the most awesome premise i’ve ever heard — why wasn’t i more excited about this game before?

in any case, what interest i did have has been magnified x10 though by the announcement that amazon and gamestop will be offering exclusive freddy krueger (-esque) and jason voorhees (-esque) bear costumes, respectively, for use in-game on the game’s june 29th release. well played NAUGHTY BEAR… consider my pre-order through gamestop for the hockey mask slasher costume officially placed.

[link to gamestop preorder] [link to amazon pre-order]

Where Sequels Go To Die

Jon — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:37:34 +0000

Even the most illustrious horror franchise sometimes run out of ideas, and when they do, there’s apparently a rule in Hollywood that you must set your next sequel in either A) outer space or B) the Old West. I’ll admit that if they ever set a Jaws sequel in the Old West, I’d be pretty into it. And space is the place when it comes to scary ghost stories (i.e. Solaris and Event Horizon). Still, taking a sequel to either of these locales is a sure sign the franchise is scraping the bottom of the creative barrel. Here are a few choice examples.

1. BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007)
The fact that it’s based on a video game, features a vampiric Billy the Kid, and that it’s directed by Uwe Boll are all really good signs that this film is going to suck. It’s not that you can’t mix vampires and cowboys, or that you can’t alter the image of the West’s most infamous outlaw. I love the way Kris Kristofferson plays Billy as a subversive folk hero in Sam Pekinpah’s version of Billy the Kid. I even liked the way Emilio Estevez infused the western legend with a contemporary street-gang ethos. But depicting Billy as the vampire king of a horde of undead cowboys just doesn’t work. Many bad sequels will use their time in space or the Old West to reflect and gain new perspective before returning to the present. Some sequels, such as this one, should stay there and never come back.

2. Jason X (2001)
By the time we got to Jason X, it was clear that the franchise had run out of ideas. Jason had died and been re-animated countless times. He’d been to Manhattan, and he’d been to Hell. So the only thing left was to take him to space. It’s a silly premise, but it kind of works. In particular, the virtual simulation of Crystal Lake is a lot of fun to watch. Ultimately, Jason is a terrestrial creature, but his quick orbit in space did give the franchise a little more breathing room.

3. Hellraiser 4: Bloodline (1996)
My favorite review ofHellraiser: Bloodline puts it this way: “In space, um, no one, um, nevermind.” The film begins in 2127, with flashforwards within flashbacks, and it features things like a giant, laser beam shooting space station called the “Elysium Configuration.” Esoteric would be the academic term for it. Confusing as all hell is probably a better descriptor. Hardcore fans of the franchise like this film because it ties everything together and explains the origins of the various “Configurations.” I find it odd that it took launching Pinhead into orbit to explain it all, but so be it. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the franchise was far better off in that creepy attic from the first installment. Hellraiser 4 did mark the end, in a way, of the franchise, as the rest of the sequels were direct-to-dvd.

4. Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Just as it’s a sign that a franchise is in trouble when it moves to the Old West, it’s also a bad sign when a franchise resorts to “origin” stories. In particular, I’m thinking of films such as the altogether lackluster X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but even good films such as Casino Royale prove that the franchise desperately needed the reboot. Tremors 4 in no way lives up to the original, but it isn’t all that bad, and the Old West background makes far more sense and is far more believable than, say, a film that features a Leprechaun in outer space.

5. Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
A small part of me admires a franchise that so blatantly and recklessly uses every gimmick in the book—a novelty villain, a “bride of” sequel, a Vegas setting, and then the little green bastard is launched into space. And he should have stayed there, out of harm’s way in lunar orbit, or in a fiery trajectory into the heart of the sun, but in the next sequel, he’s back on earth and in “the hood,”and then in the hood again in that film’s follow up. Being a native and resident of the Appalachian mountains, I am a little bit insulted that we haven’t yet seen a Hillbilly Leprechaun.

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted

Corey — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 12:40:13 +0000

“We’ll tear your pants apart!”

~ Pinhead, HELLRAISER

“I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s pants was purely and simply…
evil.”

~ Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his pants with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

~ Dr. Hannibal Lecter, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

“The counselors weren’t paying any attention… They were making pants while
that young boy drowned. His name was Jason.”

~ Pamela Voorhees, FRIDAY THE 13th

“You bastards! Give me back my pants!”

~ Ash, EVIL DEAD II

“When there’s no more room in pants, the
dead will walk the Earth.”

~ Peter, DAWN OF THE DEAD

Evilontwolegs 2009 Movie Awards

Corey — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:12:13 +0000

as i sat down to start writing my best/worst lists for 2009, it quickly became apparent that this was a more complicated task than i first imagined. many of the noteworthy horror films of 2009 were interesting for reasons beyond simple polar categorization into ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ so, in addition to the typical best and worst lists, i’ve included a few shorter lists to best capture all of the notable films from last year. if you don’t see your favorite film (pontypool, zombieland, the house of the devil, etc.), it’s likely because i’m a slacker and haven’t seen it yet. i’ll get to it soon, i promise.

the best horror films of 2009

#8

martyrs

martyrs is an incredibly brave and shocking film. the plot drastically shifts gears halfway into the film and while many (myself included) prefer the trajectory of the first half, the direction it ends up heading is undeniably thought-provoking. more evidence that there are some really f’d up filmmakers in france.

#7

my bloody valentine 3d

one of the few remakes to surpass the film it’s based on, my bloody valentine 3d is a fun, exciting slasher with its tongue firmly planted in its cheek. best viewed in three dimensions, the theatrical experience is not simulated well at home, but the blu-ray comes far closer than the dvd version.

#6

friday the 13th

hated by many, i really dug the friday the 13th reboot. simplistic and flawed, yes — but what prior entry in the series wasn’t? i still kinda cringe at the idea of jason kidnapping people… but that’s really a small complaint against what’s really a fantastically entertaining and shockingly brutal entry in one my favorite franchises.

#5

splinter

splinter is a by-the-numbers trapped-in-an-enclosed-place monster flick, but it’s so well executed that it never feels formulaic or predictable. if i’d seen this when i was 13, i know i would have loudly proclaimed to friends and family that this was THE BEST FILM EVER and maybe even written a really crappy fanfic cross-over sequel titled splinter vs the thing.

#4

trick ‘r treat

horror anthologies have a long history… unfortunately recent parts of that history primarily involve sucking. trick ‘r treat is an extreme exception to that trend. sam, the sack hooded trick-r-treater, is one of the cutest (and simultaneously creepiest) horror villains in recent memory. the studio seemed to lack confidence in the film, but i hope its success on dvd is large enough to ensure this isn’t the last we see of sam.

#3

drag me to hell

sam raimi’s absence from horror has been sorely felt for years. any fears i harbored that raimi’s skill at creating his own unique campy brand of horror had atrophied after years baby-sitting spider-man were laid to rest with the release of this immensely stylish and funny demonic thriller.

#2

paranormal activity

like the best campfire ghost stories, paranormal activity is simple, short and terrifying. it really needs to be viewed with no distractions and, preferably, late at night. its scares will not work for everyone, but those that are susceptible to its subtle brand of horror will be creeped out long after the credits have rolled. and on dvd, since they list about fifty gajillion fans… those credits are really, really long.

#1

jennifer’s body

if you’d told me a year ago that my favorite horror film of the year would star megan fox, i would have likely backed slowly away from you and called the guys with the big butterfly nets. or maybe i would have just thought what you said was just highly unlikely to be true. regardless… that hypothetical you would have been absolutely right. many seem to have trouble getting past diablo cody’s stylized uber-cool teen speak, but unrealistic dialogue works for me when done well (e.g. heathers, clockwork orange or anything written by joss whedon, quentin tarantino or david mamet). a smart and satirical horror/black comedy, i predict this will be a cult classic years from now when the megan fox backlash wears off. i could be wrong though… as one fellow blogger (brad of ilovehorror.net) put it, “watching jennifer’s body made me want to punch a baby in the face.”

the worst horror films of 2009

#5

the haunting in connecticut

like the amityville horror, this is another new england ghost tale supposedly based on a bullshit true story. boring and far from scary, this haunted house film brings little new to the table. and i still can’t figure out what’s supposed to be happening in the poster — my best guess is that someone is vomiting on the space shuttle.

#4

stan helsing

despite a surprisingly likable cast, stan helsing is dragged down by a terrible concept and an unfortunate lack of anything approximating ‘funny.’ i picked this up because i imagined it was going to be in the vein of scary movie, but instead of being aimed at the post-modern slashers like scream and i know what you did last summer, it’d take on the 1980s slasher classics. and while leatherface, freddy and jason do make appearances (oh-so-cleverly renamed pleatherface, fweddy and mason), classic slasher situations and cliches are completely absent, replaced with a scooby-doo-esque setup and more fart jokes than i care to recall.

#3

the unborn

i should have known better than to think a movie that relies on photoshopped butt cheeks as its main draw could be decent, but i took a $20 gamble on the unborn (on blu-ray no less). new to the blu-ray revolution, my magical thinking was that seeing the film in HD might somehow improve the experience of the film… which is a lot like thinking a piece of dog crap would look more appealing because you’re using a magnifying glass. i’ve blocked most of it from my memory, but it had something to do with a dead twin, the holocaust, another dead twin and gary oldman with a funky accent.

#2

offspring

offspring begs you to be shocked by the fact that children are committing murder, which is somewhat offset by the fact that the children in question are dressed like bam-bam rubble and pebbles flintstone and the bloody entrails they’re playing in look suspiciously like rubber tubes doused in ketchup. as the tired cliches rack up and the preposterous plot collapses in on itself, you can’t help but feel bad for the kids who got to tell all their friends they were going to be in a big hollywood movie — and then had to put up with the teasing, playground bullying and dating-related rejections that no doubt occurred once this film hit dvd. it’s also worth noting that this film is based on the second book in a series, which may make it a first in the horror genre… a sequel to a film that hasn’t been made yet.

#1

the cell 2

completely ignoring the one thing that the original film got right (its stunning nightmarish visuals), the cell 2 is a cluster-f of bad writing, poor direction, crappy cgi and frank whaley. this movie isn’t just tedious and boring… if placed in close proximity to other dvds on your shelf, i fear it could cause other films to become more tedious and boring via osmosis. avoid at all costs.

the best horror documentaries of 2009

not quite hollywood

while geographically narrow in scope (not quite hollywood deals with only australian films), this is one of the best documentaries about exploitation films ever made. i could watch this thing all day long.

his name was jason

a documentary detailing the history of the friday the 13th franchise, hosted by tom savini? now if i ever run across a genie in a lamp, i’ve got an extra wish to use!

zombie girl: the movie

following 12-year-old emily hagins in her quest to make the feature length zombie epic pathogen, zombie girl is a touching and inspirational story of how one young girl somehow manages to pull off what i’m sure every horror fan dreamed of doing as a kid. don’t miss this film and be sure to read our q&a with emily and check out her site at cheesynuggets.com to see what she’s up to now.

the most surprising horror films of 2009

saw 6

the saw franchise has been in a steady decline for a while now, and no one expected that trend to change with part six. wrong we were, however, as the sixth entry in franchise proved to be far superior to the last few sequels and added in some much-needed depth by using jigsaw’s increasingly improbable exploits to comment on current politics. not the best film in the series, but a welcome change of direction that gives hope for future entries.

orphan

despite featuring one of my favorite actors (peter sarsgaard), orphan looked bad. like, really bad. i stayed far away from it theatrically, and tried my best to avoid it on dvd. however, one night the dangerous combination of having a little too much to drink and browsing the pay-per-view channel ended with me giving it a try. luck was on my side that night as orphan is a surprisingly well executed thriller, largely due to the amazingly creepy performance from child star isabelle fuhrman. a fantastic entry in the ‘evil child’ genre.

the most disappointing horror films of 2009

the final destination

the final destination films have always had fantastic deaths, an easy-to-understand (if silly) mythology and somewhat interesting characters. throw 3d in the mix, and it seems like a perfect match. unfortunately final destination 4 (bizarrely retitled the final destination) keeps the deaths but makes little sense plot-wise and features the least-defined characters in horror history. i don’t need much in terms of characterization, but these teens/20-somethings don’t appear to be high school students, college students or employed. apparently their purpose in life is to just sit around their scarcely furnished but expensive looking apartments and wait to die. which, thankfully, they do in short order.

laid to rest

i had high hopes for laid to rest. it looked to be a unique take on the slasher formula with some old-school special effects. while the death sequences are indeed impressive, there is little to like in the rest of the film (with the possible exception of a catchy song that’s entire lyrics seem to be “sexy bitches are my favorite kind of bitches”). the characters and situations are impossible to identify with because every character reaction seems disconnected from reality and contradicts common sense. like a bad sitcom, laid to rest feels like it takes place in a confined, artificial and magical world which, unfortunately, makes getting scared by or emotionally attached to anything that happens in that world impossible.

the grudge 3

after the grudge 2, i doubt many expected very much from part three. however, when i saw it was directed by splinter creator toby wilkins, i got very excited that maybe the new sequel might exceed expectations. for whatever reason, this is not the case… the grudge 3 is just more tired, poorly executed jump scares paired with an unengaging story. rather disappointing given the combination of such a talented director and a horror franchise with such potential.

my name is bruce

my name is bruce is one of those concepts that sounds impossible to screw up… bruce campbell as bruce campbell vs the undead. but they found a way. campbell somehow manages to be unlikable, unfunny and uninteresting through the majority of this film, which is shocking to anyone who’s ever met him or seen him speak. given his natural charisma, charm and improv ability, it’s shocking how poorly my name is bruce turned out. maybe with spider-man now abandoned, bruce and sam raimi can finally be reunited and produce something as good as the film this should have been.

the most bizarre horror film of 2009

halloween ii

rob zombie’s h2 is one of the strangest franchise slasher films ever made. flawed but fascinating, it is (for better or worse) the product of a singular vision and definitely the exact film that zombie wanted to make. the entire thing, from the jarring opening sequence to the inclusion of “love hurts” in the closing credits feels like a giant raised middle finger from rob zombie. unfortunately, it’s unclear to me who the finger is raised to… critics? the studio? fans? there are things i like and things i don’t about the film and i have yet to firmly decide how i feel about it as a whole (hopefully watching the unrated cut this week will solidify my feelings one way or the other). in any case, its brazen disregard for convention and unquestionably unique take on the evil in haddonfield make it a must-see for genre fans.

the biggest fumble of 2009

the last house on the left

like many films before it (the most maddening example being spielberg’s a.i.), the remake of the last house on the left is a brilliant piece of film making that falls completely and utterly on its face in its final moments and really should have just ended just a few minutes earlier. like seeing your favorite team leading through the whole game, only to lose with seconds on the clock… finishing this film is a disheartening experience that makes you wish it had sucked from the beginning instead of getting your hopes up. while spielberg had no such excuse (having final cut), the ending of the last house on the left stinks of studio interference. an unfortunate bit of interference that is solely responsible for keeping this film off many a ‘best of’ list. including mine.

Foreign Horror Film Posters

Corey — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:05:07 +0000

poster-iffic awesomeness from strange, foreign lands where they do things like eat mayonnaise on their french fries, brew good beer, smoke inside restaurants, wear clothes with wacky names like “lederhosen” and produce awesome flicks like [REC] …

The Birds
(Czechoslovakia)

Dawn of the Dead
(Germany)

Carrie
(Turkey)

Carrie
(Spain)

The Exorcist
(Turkey)

The Howling
(Belgium)

Friday the 13th
(Australia)

Friday the 13th Part 2
(Turkey)

King Kong
(Spain)

Psycho
(Czechoslovakia)

A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Germany)

A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Russia)

The Omen
(Czechoslovakia)

The Omen
(Turkey)

Return of the Living Dead
(France)

Scanners
(Italy)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(France)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(Italy)

Terror Train
(Germany)

Jason Halloween Costume

Corey — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:25:56 +0000

saw this while out shopping for an upcoming halloween party… is this really the best jason costume available to today’s youth?

Nintendo DSi Does Horror Part 2

Corey — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:55:22 +0000

a few weeks ago i defiled the images of some classic horror icons using the nintendo dsi’s photo manipulation tools. well, i got bored and took a crack at a few more…

Nintendo DSi Does Horror

Corey — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 22:36:34 +0000

i was playing around with my nintendo dsi and discovered it comes with a fairly nifty photo manipulation program. with the built in camera and a few pokes of the stylus, you can easily turn a nice picture of your favorite horror blogger like this into this monstrosity. like everything i encounter in life, i immediately began thinking “how can i apply this to horror films?” within a few minutes, i’d created the images you see below. while i’d prefer being able to load images directly into the dsi, the easiest way i found to get the images i wanted into it was just to hold the dsi up to my computer screen and take the picture.

More Horror on Blu-ray

Corey — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:58:24 +0000

let the right one in
the uk edition of let the right one in is my favorite of my horror blu-ray purchases. the dvd copy i own has the non-theatrical (read: crappy) subtitles, and all blu-ray releases in this region are the same for the moment. i took a chance and ordered the uk version from amazon and was delighted to find out it was region free. (on a related note, if anyone has a region-free player and wants a copy of silent hill on blu-ray meant for region b, let me know). additionally, this is the only release of the film to include an english language commentary track. it features the writer and director and is well worth the small extra cost to have the blu-ray imported. you can find this version from several online retailers, but here’s the amazon link i ordered from.

friday the 13th 3-d
while the 3rd installment of the friday the 13th franchise blu-ray features no extra features over its dvd counter-part, i find it well worth the purchase for the bump-up in quality of the 3d experience. be warned though — while superior to the dvd, this is still an older 3d process film and doesn’t hold up terribly well on dvd or blu-ray, particularly in day shots and when approaching the extremes of depth. still, this is the best 3d version of the film you’re likely to see apart from a screening at your local art house theater.

cloverfield
godzilla in new york shot cinéma vérité style? count me in. despite my co-writer jon’s insistence this was just an over-hyped piece of nonsense with nothing but annoying characters… i love it. the blu-ray version features an exclusive ‘special investigation mode’ which places a government interface around the film which shows you bits of info relevant to the scene you’re watching as well as the current location of the military, the film’s main characters and the ‘clover’ beastie in relation to each other on a nifty map of manhattan.

the x-files: i want to believe
the simple fact that the latest x-files movie had 0% to do with the black oil/alien invasion/magic bee plot which never made a damn bit of sense made me like it instantly. the fact that the blu-ray version of the film features a picture-in-picture commentary from chris carter and co-writer frank spotnitz and an interactive timeline covering the entire x-files history makes me like it as well.

planet terror
watching a film that was purposely made to look like crap in hd may seem pointless, but i love this disk. as ironic as it may be, all the the scratches, dust and aging have never looked as clear on planet terror as they do on blu-ray. this disk has all the special features of the dvd release, as well as a special scratch-free version of the film ‘just discovered from a thought-lost negative.’ an interesting and curious feature, but the film is probably best viewed as it was intended – beautifully flawed.

death proof
i actually prefer death proof over planet terror, but i think i’m in the minority there — in any case, they’re both beautiful films. there are no special features on this disk not included on the dvd release, but if you’re going to own planet terror on blu-ray… then you better damn well own death proof. it’s the law.

halloween (1978)
halloween is my favorite film of all time, so i am powerless not to purchase it anytime it’s released in a new version, format, or with new holographic cover art. the blu-ray version does feature a new ‘trivia track’ which features little pop-up-video-esque factoids, most of which you’ll already know. halloween is really best enjoyed grainy and dark, which makes me feel weird about buying it in hd… but if i squint real hard and push the brightness way down on my tv, it looks just like my old vhs, which is really how the film should be experienced.

halloween (2007)
apart from the original halloween and the evil dead series, i can’t think of another horror film to have more pointless re-releases and multiple versions than rob zombie’s amateur-piece, halloween. still, there are things to enjoy in this film, and this is definitely the version to own if you’re going to have one. the picture is beautiful and all the special features are here, including the commentary track and the four and a half hour long (!) making-of documentary. watch this in beautiful hd to get yourself prepared to be moderately disappointed all over again when h2 hits theaters on august 28th.

Horror on Blu-Ray

Corey — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:59:13 +0000

i recently got married (yay, me!) and, in addition to several kitchen appliances and place settings, as a wedding gift we received a super fancy blu-ray player. i didn’t know much about the format when the gift arrived, but as it turns out, several blu-ray disks offer features absent from their dvd releases (apart from the obvious bump up in picture and sound quality). rather predictably, i’ve spent the last few weeks researching and purchasing the best that the format has to offer in the horror genre, and i thought i’d share a few of the ‘must-have’ blu-ray disks that i’ve found.

friday the 13th (2009)
the friday remake has polarized horror fans, but love it or hate it — this blu-ray is definitely worth having. in addition to the features present on the dvd, it has several blu-ray exclusives, including two featurettes (one on the history of the series and another that examines each of the film’s best kills in-depth) and a bd-live sneak preview of trick ‘r’ treat. the star of the disk, however, is the mis-named ‘trivia track’ which is actually a full-length picture-in-picture commentary featuring interviews with cast and crew and alternate versions of scenes (including the scene where jason gets his mask). i’m personally a fan of the remake, but i came to appreciate it even more after watching this track.

my bloody valentine 3d
the only blu-ray exclusive feature worth mentioning on mbv 3d is ‘molog’, which allows users to create their own visual blog entries that others can view during the film. i can’t say i was overly impressed with this feature as i didn’t see many such entries online, but that was a while ago and perhaps things have changed. what i am impressed with, however, is the 3d on this disk. while still not the same as the theatrical experience, the 3d present on this blu-ray release is far superior to that of the dvd, likely due to the resolution and clarity hd offers. at least for the moment, this is the best 3d experience one can have at home.

constantine
while a bastardization in many ways of the comic it’s based on (hellblazer), i still enjoy many aspects of constantine (alas, keanu is not one of them). this blu-ray version features all the extras of the special edition dvd release plus an additional picture-in-picture commentary track that delves into the history of the project and why john constantine ended up being portrayed as he is. similar to the friday remake, this commentary is interesting if you’re a fan of the source material, even if you’re not of the film itself.

the thing
the thing is definitely worth owning just to see in hd, but the blu-ray also includes a picture-in-picture commentary. most of the material contained in it is from the ‘terror takes shape’ documentary you can see elsewhere, but seeing pieces of it spliced along-side the film is definitely worth watching even if you’ve seen the doc before.

dawn of the dead (2004)
dawn of the dead is one of the few recent remakes to live up to its source material. the dvd release was loaded with extra features, but the blu-ray goes one step further by including a behind-the-scene/documentary style picture-in-picture commentary track that goes further into the making of the film.

land of the dead
similar to the dawn of the dead disk, land of the dead also features a picture-in-picture commentary track comprised mostly of behind-the-scenes footage. in addition to the typical interviews you’d imagine, it also includes john leguizamo leading a set tour where he and dennis hopper inform a pa that they don’t feel like working and are just going to dick around for a while.

the descent
the next-gen edition of the descent can be watched in one of three ways — the r-rated version, the unrated, or ‘the underground experience.’ the latter is another excellent picture-in-picture commentary track featuring just about every cast and crew member you can think of and does an excellent job of covering the film from conception to completion.

return to the house on haunted hill
while not a great film by any means, return to the house on haunted hill does feature one of the most unique uses of blu-ray technology seen thus far. the film is cheesy and filled with expendable characters, which fits perfectly with the choose-your-own-adventure-esque ‘watch the movie your way’ mode exclusive to the blu-ray edition. at pivotal moments in the plot, you’re given control of the characters actions and can influence the way the story plays out. with 96 possible permutations, it will be a while before i’ve seen every possible version of rtthohh.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 16th, 2009

Corey — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 07:10:00 +0000

(descriptions from netflix & bestbuy)

Pick of the Week

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Deluxe Edition) (1984)
Hockey-masked killer Jason Vorhees returns to terrorize a lakeside family and their rowdy teen neighbors in this fourth installment of the long-running slasher series.

Friday the 13th: Killer Cut (2009)
A man in search of his missing sister stumbles across a deadly secret in the woods surrounding Crystal Lake as Texas Chainsaw Massacre redux duo Michael Bay and Marcus Nispel resurrect one of the silver screen’s most feared slashers — machete-wielding, hockey mask-wearing madman Jason Voorhees.

Friday the 13th, Part V: A New Beginning (Deluxe Edition) (1985)
The murderous spirit of Jason Vorhees lives on in this horror sequel, although the plot hinges on the mystery of whether the killer’s body actually survives.

Friday the 13th, Part VI: Jason Lives (Deluxe Edition) (1986)
This impressive entry in the popular horror series brings back the relentless killer Jason Voorhees, this time as a supernatural zombie.

Black Magic 2 (1976)
When an evil sorcerer wreaks havoc by raising a small army of zombies and using spells to impregnate young girls with monsters, a pair of scientists attempt to thwart the wizard by uncovering the source of his dark power in this horror flick. Along the way, they must deal with black-magic tricks involving snakes and centipedes let loose underneath their skin, nasty sores oozing with worms, and the sorcerer’s strange obsession with milk.

The Cell 2 (2008)
Maya Castaneda (Tessie Santiago) is an investigator with psychic abilities — a power which she gained during a yearlong coma, the result of her having been victimized by a notorious serial killer known as the Cusp. Now the killer is back in action, and Maya must summon her psychic talents to delve into the dark mind of this notorious maniac, in the hopes of saving his next victim — before time runs out.

Terror at Blood Fart Lake (2009)
When a clutch of college pals retreats to an isolated cabin for a rowdy weekend of debauchery and carnal pleasures, a madman dons his creepy scarecrow costume and begins to prey upon the unsuspecting youths in unusually creative ways. It’s like summer camp, but with death! Can any of the kids escape the shame of being slain at a place called Blood Fart Lake? Nicola Fiore and Josh Suire star in this outrageous lampoon of classic slasher flicks.

Stagknight (2007)
Expecting a raucous bachelor weekend for soon-to-be-wed Brian (Simeon Willis), 10 buddies and paintball team members take off for the country. But Happy Valley Paintball Park manager Fay (Sandra Dickinson) has a more malevolent celebration in mind. As the partying commences, she tricks the guys into summoning an ancient, homicidal guardian knight — whose weekend goal is to impale each of them on his huge sword in this gory British spine-chiller.

Platoon of the Dead (2009)
After narrowly escaping a terrifying zombie attack, three Marines retreat to a remote house, where they meet several mysterious women. When legions of undead descend upon their safe haven, the soldiers bravely battle to survive the vicious onslaught. But little do they know that making it through the night alive is only the beginning of this war. Ariauna Albright, Tom Stedham and Chris Keown star in this gory horror flick.

Murder Loves Killers Too (2008)
When Aggie (Christine Haeberman) and her friends head to an isolated cabin deep in the woods with plans to party hardy, they soon become the target of Big Stevie (Allen Andrews), a benign-looking backwoodsman who harbors a kinky bloodlust for sex and homicide. Now, the kids are in a fight for their lives — especially Aggie, who holds a special attraction for the demented madman. Drew Barnhardt directs this stylish, old-school slasher frenzy.

Killing Ariel (2006)
Enchanted by lusty she-demon Ariel (Axelle Cummings) and lured to a remote house for a weekend of passion, happily married Rick (Michael Brainard) tries to break free of the evil spell by killing the succubus, only to have the demon rise from the dead to keep him ensnared. Time and again Rick slays Ariel, who simply returns to life to continue her game. How can Rick escape a supernatural creature who refuses to die?

I’ll Be There With You (2006)
An idyllic spring break road trip turns into the vacation from hell as Aki (Akihiro Kitamura), Annie (Adarsha Benjamin) and their friends find themselves crossing paths with numerous dangerous characters, including a band of escaped mental patients. Kitamura also writes and directs this genre-bending thriller that features Daniel Baldwin’s menacing performance as a demented ranch owner named Constantine.

Born (2007)
When 21-year-old virgin Mary Elizabeth (Alison Brie) discovers that she’s pregnant, her family thinks it’s a miracle from God. Her sudden homicidal rages, however, portend that she’s carrying an ancient evil in her womb instead. As Mary Elizabeth falls deeper under the spell of her gestating demon-child, she unwittingly prepares the way for all hell to break loose when the creature is born. Richard Friedman directs this supernatural fright fest.

Rifftrax: The Little Shop of Horrors (2009)
Hosts Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett — formerly of “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ — take aim at B-movie legend Roger Corman’s infamous black comedy about a down-and-out flower-shop employee (Jonathan Haze) who accidentally grows a man-eating plant. Shot over the course of two days and one night, Corman’s 1960 cult classic features Jack Nicholson playing a loopy masochist in one of his first big-screen performances.

Rifftrax: Plan 9 From Outer Space (2009)
Regarded by many as one of the worst movies ever made, director Ed Wood’s infamous sci-fi “classic” starring the iconic Bela Lugosi is perfect fodder for commentators Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy. After a series of failed plans (eight of them, to be exact), a race of menacing aliens sets out to take over the world by raising an army of zombies. Released in 1959, Wood’s infamous film features Lugosi’s final onscreen performance.

Rifftrax: Night of the Living Dead (2009)
Resident wisecrackers Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy set their sarcastic sights on horror pioneer George A. Romero’s beloved 1968 classic about a small town overtaken by a league of bloodthirsty zombies. Shot on a remarkably low budget, Romero’s black-and-white masterpiece broke new ground for the horror genre, exhibiting a level of gore and graphic violence rarely seen in mainstream films.

Rifftrax: House on Haunted Hill (2009)
Former “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ host Mike Nelson is joined by cohorts Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett as the hilarious trio takes turns skewering this horror classic from director William Castle, starring Hollywood icon Vincent Price. With the allure of a $10,000 cash prize, five strangers accept an invitation from eccentric millionaire Frederick Loren (Price) to see if they can survive a full night in his spooky haunted mansion.

Rifftrax: Carnival of Souls (2009)
“Mystery Science Theater 3000″ alums Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy aim their acerbic wit at this “classic” thriller from director Herk Harvey, augmenting an already-goofy experience with their peanut gallery-style commentary. After surviving a terrible car accident that kills her two best friends, church organist Mary Henry (Candace Hilligoss) is dogged by a series of haunting visions and frightening supernatural episodes.

2009 New York Weekend of Horrors in Pictures

Corey — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:22:00 +0000

oddly placed matrix-esque power outlets on the bus to new york.

teh big sign!

ghost girl

now hanging from my car’s rear view

me & tom savini, after signing my copies of the prowler and scream greats

me, my new blood mask, and kane hodder. kane has quite the grip, which is probably why i look like that.

various masks. why do the michael myers ones have such wacky hair? rob zombie really should have gone with this look. see more horrible michael myers masks in finalgirl’s recent post.

the weekend of horrors is a strange place.

gwar & toxie

gwar!

gwar?

it’s the squirrel that makes this costume.

this place had great selection of rare and foreign dvds.

‘twisted chris,’ who ran the booth, trying unsuccessfully to sell me on a copy of gutterballs

the majority of the dvds had hand-written descriptions

holy german cover art! in addition to the no-holds-barred image, i like the quote above the title; especially the fact that it’s attributed to no one.

james marsters was an incredibly dynamic and passionate speaker

tom savini brought the house down, literally, before the costume contest by tripping over the backdrop which proceeded to fall down piece-by-piece over the next two minutes.

costume contest participants

little leatherface seems rather interested in the slightly older demoness to his left.

costume finalists (spoiler: the zombie won)

Let’s Take a Virtual Terror Tour

Corey — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:37:00 +0000

google street view is both one of the coolest and one of the creepiest things ever invented. not only can you travel instantly around the globe, you can look into the windows of people living thousands of miles away, see drunk people passed out on street corners or dead animals hit by the google car. sticking with the ‘creepy’ angle, i’ve used google maps to travel to several horror movie related locales, most of which you’ll instantly recognize. from the now almost unrecognizable and physically relocated myers’ house from halloween to the deadly steps from the exorcist located just a few miles from where i live, i think i’ve hit several of the most iconic locations in horror history. for example, here’s what the nightmare on elm street house looked like in the film, and how it looks today via google street view.

the thompson house from a nightmare on elm street

just click the links below to cyber-travel to the listed film location and see what it looks like today. if you go on your own little horror safari and find any additional locations, please add them in the comments section.

the overlook hotel from the shining

the macneil’s georgetown home from the exorcist

the long flight of stairs from the exorcist

the haunted new york home from the amityville horror

sunnydale highschool from the television show buffy the vampire slayer

camp crystal lake from friday the 13th

death shrub from halloween

the strode house from halloween

the street corner behind the title card of halloween

the doyle house from halloween

spook central — the myers house from halloween

bonus item: godzilla in tokyo

Machete Prop Replica

Corey — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 10:25:25 +0000

i’m thinking of buying this from amazon. i don’t have an extraordinary amount of teenagers
having premarital sex and smoking illicit drugs around my apartment, but perhaps enough to
warrant the investment.

No related posts.

Happy Birthday!

Corey — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:47:50 +0000

“His name was Jason…

and today…

was his birthday.”

Happy Birthday, Jason! And Happy Friday the 13th to everyone!

His Name Was Jason Contest Winner

Corey — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 10:58:00 +0000

a few weeks ago i promised to give a free copy of the friday the 13th documentary his name was jason to the person who sent me the best friday the 13th related… anything. well, all the ‘anythings’ have been read, viewed, puzzled over, eaten and/or poked at — so it’s time to announce the winner. and the winner is…

a guy named patrick!

to secure his win, patrick sent in the following story which had me giggling for days and wishing my father had owned more power tools.

When I was about 12, I started getting into horror movies. After catching several Fridays during a late night showing hosted by Joe Bob Briggs, I had some new favorite films to rave about. After continually telling all of my friends about them, my parents were kind enough to let me have a bunch of buddies over for an all night Friday the 13th movie marathon. I distinctly remember my dad asking me in the truck on the way over to the video store if there was much nudity or violence in these films. “Nah, I don’t think so.” I sure pulled one over on him!

So we came back with 2, 4, 5 and 6. As we were all young guys, we huddled up in the basement living room with a lot of popcorn and soda to take in all of the blood soaked tits that we could. We made it through just about all of the movies but we started fading about half way through 6. Just as we had all fallen asleep, I hear a loud cranking noise and an engine roar. We all bolt up to see a fucking chainsaw cutting through the wooden door. Wood chips are going everywhere. After slicing the door in two, it’s kicked in and Jason comes walking in with the chainsaw blaring and smoke shooting everywhere.

He turns off the chainsaw and takes off the mask to reveal my dad. We’re all screaming uncontrollably and he’s cracking up. As we start calming down I look over at my buddy Jason. There’s no nice way to put it, but he pissed and shit all over himself and was crying. What none of us knew was that Jason wasn’t allowed to watch TV at his house growing up, so not only had he never seen a horror movie before but he had never seen anything like this. Looking back on it now, it was safer than it seemed at the time (my dad had moved the TV to the opposite side of the room that evening for reasons I hadn’t understood, there was a bunch of furniture between us and him, my mom had scoped us out beforehand through a little window in the room, etc) but it sure seemed crazy at the time. They had wanted to remodel the room anyway so tearing it up a bit didn’t matter when it came to scaring the crap out of us. My folks had told most of my friend’s parents they were going to scare us, and all were fine with it. Jason just told his parent’s that he was coming over to hang out and strangely enough he never came back.

As my dad used to build giant mechanical monsters for haunted houses at the time, I should have expected something like that. So, while standing in line for the midnight showing of the new Friday the 13th last night, I was reminded of Jason the pansy and how crazy awesome my dad was.

congrats, patrick! your 2 disk set of his name was jason will be mailed out shortly. even nph and elmo are excited for you…

i want to give a shout out to two other notable entrants…

bloody mary outlined her earliest experience with the franchise, which she also posted at her blog, bloody mary’s movie revue.
emily sent in a very detailed argument for why jason takes manhattan is the best film in the franchise. she is, of course, wrong — but made a valiant attempt to persuade fans never-the-less, and i applaud her for it. her blog, the deadly doll’s house of horror nonsense, was just launched this year, so please stop by and give her some horror-blogging community love.

MBV Special edition and F13 Uncut

Corey — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 18:09:00 +0000

this month’s final girl film club is a 2-for-1 deal of slasher classics — friday the 13th: uncut and my bloody valentine: special edition. each includes never-before-seen footage and new special features. to participate in the film club, we’re only required to cover one of these, but since there’s two of us, jon and i decided to cover them both. for my bloody valentine, jon is passing along a new poem from my bloody valentine‘s original villain, axel palmer, written to fans of the recently released remake, my bloody valentine 3d. as for me, i’ve decided to take a look at the much-talked-about new footage in friday the 13th.

(don’t forget to take part in our ultra-fun his name was jason dvd give-away contest by sending us anything friday the 13th related. that picture of you at 11 years old with your home-made paper plate hockey mask, that story about the time you spent the night in the dryer because you were so scared after watching jason lives at a friend’s birthday party, or just a short (obviously incorrect) argument for why you think roy burns was a better jason than jason himself.)

friday the 13th: uncut corey’s ten second review

so, why am i calling this my “ten second review?” is it because this review will only take ten seconds to read? or is it because it only took me ten seconds to write it? no, either of those rationales would just be crazy talk. as it turns out, the ‘all-new uncut footage’ that has been so ballyhooed and anticipated amounts to only ten seconds of additional film (spread across four scenes). this is my ten second review because i’ve decided to only look at ten seconds of friday the 13th: uncut — those 240 or so frames in this version that we’ve never seen before.

scene 1: the killing of annie
additional time: 2 seconds

annie’s death is not only the first on-screen death in friday the 13th, it’s also one of the most startling. following the example set by psycho, there is an attempt at misdirection as we’re lead to believe that annie will be one of the film’s primary characters. pamela’s quick dispatching of annie comes as a bit of a shock and is particularly effective due to the fade-to-white that occurs as annie’s life comes to an end. the uncut edition of friday the 13th adds an additional 48 or so frames of blood spurting from annie’s throat before the fade begins.

scene 2: jack and marcie’s love scene
additional time: 2 seconds

oh, this is a fun one. in the original cut of the film, we see a brief shot of kevin bacon’s buttocks being touched. the uncut version of friday the 13th adds an additional two seconds to this shot, showing kevin’s right butt cheek being squeezed for a moment. it’s hard to imagine any film that couldn’t benefit from additional kevin bacon ass, so i definitely feel that this new cut of friday the 13th is better for it. one can only hope that these extra bacon bits will cause the film’s current 60% rotten tomato rating to jump up a few percentage points in the near future.

scene 3: the killing of marcie
additional time: 2 seconds

marcie’s death is my favorite in the film, so i’m glad it’s one of the scenes to benefit from the abundance of new footage in this special edition. staged like a magic trick, the quick cuts during marcie’s death alternately show a fake head with a real axe and a fake axe with a real head. the end result is as convincing as anything you’ll see in any slasher film before or since. this special edition adds an additional couple of seconds of marcie sliding down the wall after the axe has hit.

scene 4: the killing of jack
additional time: 4 seconds

jack’s death is one of the most famous from the film, likely because it was one of the first slasher film scenes to cause people to scream “how the hell did they do that!?!” tom savini is probably most responsible for the success of this scene, but as it turns out some of his work was cut from the r-rated version we’re all so familiar with. the new uncut scenes features an additional four seconds of footage, showing kevin bacon struggling for air a bit longer and much more blood spurting from his neck wound. that means that, of the new footage, more than half of it (six seconds) shows either the beginning (scene 4) or end (scene 2) of kevin bacon’s gastrointestional tract.

My Bloody Valentine: Special edition

Hi, I’m Axel Palmer. The REAL Axel Palmer from 1981′s My Bloody Valentine, and I want to set the record straight. It seems you’ve forgotten all about me, even though we once shared something special. The new film may be younger, flashier and have an extra dimension, but it can’t love you the way I do. Don’t you remember the poem I wrote for you? It went like this: “Roses are red, violets are blue, one is dead, and so are you.” I meant it then, and I mean it now. Forget the new film. Slasher fans, I want you back, so I’ve written another poem for you. It’s in couplets, because I think we should be a couple again. Valentine’s Day has already passed, but slasher fans, it’s not too late. Will you be my bloody valentine?

I remember the day my daddy went away
because Harry Warden made him pay
in Valentine Bluffs, the happy town
with the big, bloody heart. So it gets me down
to know my home town has changed to “Harmony.”
That’s no place for lovers. They don’t even see
the true joy in Valentine’s Day dancing.
Are you happy because Canada isn’t financing
this fake, three dimensional charade?
You know my real daddy’s dead. And I use a blade
so much better than Tom. What’s his motivation?
He’s no real slasher. Any fool can make a laceration,
but I’d chew off my one good arm and wait
all day in hell to be with you again. Don’t hate
me just because I’m two dimensional. I’m lean
and crazy, and baby, I can still splatter the screen.
I know the new film has lots of laughs and giant 3d tits,
but the original has heart, and now the DVD has extra bits
of blood and gore. Jensen Ackles has a pretty face,
but the way he prances when not on ‘Supernatural’ is a disgrace.
You know I’m the real folk singin’, axe grindin’, 80s kind of man.
You’re all gonna die. I swear I’ve got a plan.
Slasher fans, you’re breaking my heart in two,
so be my bloody valentine you bastards or we’re through.

Friday the 13th (2009)

Corey — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:01:00 +0000

jon and i wrote the following short opinions this past weekend after seeing friday the 13th (2009) without consulting each other. i’m glad to see that, at least when it comes to jason voorhees, we seem to be on exactly the same page. (don’t forget to email us your thoughts on the new film, your earliest memory of the series, your favorite jason costume photo or anything else friday the 13th related for our his name was jason dvd give-away. send it in or it’s the part 7 sleeping bag/tree treatment for you, i’m afraid.)

corey’s thoughts…

writing a review of this film would be kind of pointless, so i’ll take a different approach. however, if forced to summarize the review i might have written in two sentences, it would go like this — “friday the 13th (2009) slammed the start button on the whoop-ass machine. go see it.”

traditional critical reviews of the film are, predictably, not great. but that’s par for the course — no slasher film is ever going to win an academy award. that said though, i’m a little puzzled by the negative reactions the film is getting from people who love the friday the 13th series (see final girl’s mixed feelings on the film for an example). while i enjoyed many aspects of rob zombie’s halloween, i can easily understand why michael myers fans might not like the modern re-envisioning. in many ways, that film is not true to the series it is based on. however, i can’t really see how a jason voorhees fan couldn’t love this new version of friday the 13th. this film is a 97 minute love-letter to the franchise. it’s a great big party with no cover charge and an open bar thrown in honor of jason voorhees, and all fans of the series are invited. not all horror fans are treating it that way though.

i’m not saying this is a perfect film — it’s remarkably easy to find faults in it. the characterization is shallow at best, there are ginormous plot holes at every turn, and logic plays little part in the plot or the decisions of the characters. but since when did any of that matter in this series? jason’s very existence as a living adult has always been based on the biggest plot hole in film history — if he drowned, how’s he running around killing people? if he didn’t drown, what’d he do for the 25 years in the woods, besides not run back to the mother that was his entire world? it makes no sense… and maybe it doesn’t have to. in fact, i think i prefer that it doesn’t. if you had a time machine and could go back and tell sean cunningham in 1979 that jason would be the star of the series so they needed to write in some scenes of jason hiding in the woods and explain how he could see his mom beheaded into the first film — would that really make you enjoy the series more? isn’t part of loving friday the 13th embracing nonsensical plot devices, jason’s apparent ability to teleport and teenagers with little to no survival instinct? yeah, i know it makes no sense that there’s an underground mine underneath a camp, 20 yards from a lake. yeah, i know that no real survivor of a spree murderer would feel the need to drag jason’s body to a lake and dump it instead of leaving it for the cops. but isn’t that part of the charm of going to see a new friday? unlike most films, i don’t see plot holes and inconsistencies as flaws in this series — hell, they’re almost necessary ingredients.

the new friday is dark, gritty, and treats the original material with respect. most importantly though… it’s fun. at my showing, the audience reacted as one giant organism in a way i haven’t seen in a long time. jason was mean, fast and ferocious in a way i don’t think he’s ever been before. you can say this or that kill weren’t incredibly effective, but i think most lived up to the hype (the sleeping bag over the fire and the girl under the dock stand out in my mind). there hasn’t been a friday whose tone was this dark or a killer this scary since at least part four, and perhaps even as far back as part two or the original. i am incredibly appreciative as a fan of the series to see jason brought to life in a way that, really, he’d only existed in my childhood nightmares (which were always scarier than the campy late-series sequels that usually gave birth to them). i’ve been waiting twenty years to see a vision of jason voorhees that wasn’t treated as a joke, and for the cost of a sandwich and a soda i just got to see 90 minutes of a mean, kick-ass, “back-to-basics” version of him slaughter thirteen attractive, out-of-their-element, less than academically gifted teenagers at crystal lake. at least for me, it’s impossible to be disappointed in that.

Jon’s Thoughts…

Marcus Nispel’s remake of Friday the 13th is far from perfect, but let’s get a couple of things straight. First, this is not Jason goes to Hollywood, Jason on the moon, or Jason vs. the Wolfman. This is what slasher fans have been wanting for twenty years—a badass Jason doing what he does best, and doing it at Crystal Lake where he belongs. Second, if at least some part of you didn’t love the first 20 minutes of this film then I demand you hand in your official slasher-fan membership card. I’d argue that the first 20 minutes are the best in the film. Jason is relentless and terrifyingly efficient in killing the first wave of ne’er-do-well teenagers, and he does so before we even see the film’s title screen.

Of course, the film has its share of problems. The plot doesn’t make much sense. Why in the world, for example, would Clay and Whitney decide to dump Jason’s body in the lake? When the cops eventually show up, those kids are gonna have some ‘splaining to do, and having the body of the killer on hand would probably be a good idea. And why did Nispel put a mine in the middle of Crystal Lake? Who knows? But, really, who cares? This isn’t a franchise that’s ever stood on its tightly crafted story-arc. I’ve never cared at all that Jason is skinny lad with long hair in part 2, but a bald, beefy, he-man in part 3.

And then there’s the problem with Jason’s mom. I think most fans of the franchise will agree that writers Damian Shannon and Mark Swift handled it strangely, reducing all of the original part 1 to about 90 seconds. But I’m not sure they could have done it any other way. I’m glad they didn’t go the route of Rob Zombie and give Jason an elaborate origin story. That would have been silly. And they couldn’t simply ignore Mrs. Voorhees. So they really didn’t have many options.

I’ve read a lot of descriptions about the way Nispel has made Jason more human, which is true, but he’s still the same vengeful spirit that punishes anyone who, as the token crazy lady at Crystal Lake puts it, steps out of bounds. I don’t think this really counts as a ‘re-boot’ or ‘re-invention’ of the franchise—not in the way that Zombie re-invented Michael Myers, or in the way that Nispel re-booted Chainsaw. But, all in all, I think the new Friday the 13th is lots of fun, and a serious tribute to one of horror’s best slasher icons.

edit: I found this at the horror section and thought it was fitting…

F13 Megapost – Jason Contest – Crystal Lake Webcam – New Logo

Corey — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 01:00:00 +0000

his name was jason contest

if you were unaware, a documentary is now out on dvd covering the entire friday the 13th series titled his name was jason. hosted by tom savini and covering all twelve films, this is the definitive visual companion piece to the book crystal lake memories. if you haven’t picked up a copy yet, you’re in luck – eo2l has an extra copy to give away!

“so,” you might be heard to say, “what do i need to do to obtain this blood-soaked piece of digital swag?” well, that’s the fun part. all you need to do is send me something friday the 13th related. a story, a photo, an image you created, a joke… i don’t care. whichever we deem to be the most interesting, impressive, funny and/or entertaining will win the dvd, and even those that don’t win may end up show-cased here in a future post. so it’s win-win! some examples of entries might be…

tell me your first experience with the friday the 13th franchise
send me that picture you took of kane hodder faux-choking your girlfriend
describe that time you and your middle school friends cleverly found a way to purchase tickets to a disney film but snuck into jason lives
your favorite screenshot or quote from the series. the more obscure the better
send me a photo of yourself at twelve years old dressed up as jason for halloween
send a photo of your impressive collection of friday the 13th memorabilia
make an elaborate and passionate case for why part 5 or part 9 is clearly the best in the series

email your entries to corey@evilontwolegs.com. include how you’d like to be referred to and the link to your website (if you have one) in case we use your entry in a future blog post. this contest will run until… well, until i stop getting interesting submissions.

crystal lake webcam

a girl has setup a live webcam from crystal lake.
definitely worth checking out.

new logos

in addition to our original michael myers/laurie strode cartoon logo, we’ve also added baghead jason/ginny and jason/tina into the random rotation. all caricatures were created by uber-talented logo artist and mega-michael myers fan, raven. to see them all, hit ‘refresh’ to magically watch the logos change in our banner or, perhaps more efficiently, simply focus your vision a couple of inches below this sentence.

Victims of Jason

Corey — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:23:00 +0000

if you’ve been to the theater lately, you may have noticed the cardboard stands of jason voorhees that you can stick your head through, so it appears that you are jason’s victim (this is subtly different than, as shown above, being jason’s victim when he sticks your head through a table). you’re invited to upload photos of yourself in the stand to facebook, and hundreds have already done so. the purpose of all this is to get you hyped up for the impending release of the friday the 13th remake which, for the readers of this site, is probably unnecessary. personally, i’m about as hyped as i can get. regardless, i did check out the facebook page, and my favorite of the images i found are listed below. my friends and i added a few pics to the mix as well (the last five). visit www.facebook.com/victimsofjasonvoorhees to see the entire collection or to add your own.

If only this were real…

Corey — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:20:58 +0000

unfortunately, this is just something i put together for a somethingawful thread called “games you wish existed.” it’s been 20 years since the last friday the 13th video game… i think it’s about time we got another one.

someone in the thread asked how the game would be played… this was my reply.

In the single player game, you’d play as Jason.
Well, except in the first stage where you’d be his mother.

The third stage would be in 3D.

In the multiplayer, one player would be Jason while the rest would be counselors. Counselors can score points not by fighting Jason, but by avoiding Jason and successfully completing tasks such as “have sex with another player without being stabbed,” “smoke marijuana without being stabbed,” “go skinny-dipping alone without being stabbed,” and “check out that strange noise in the basement without being stabbed.” The last remaining female counselor is granted special bonuses (similar to perks in Fallout3), such as “Pamela’s Sweater” (confuses Jason), “Younger Brother with Shaved Head” (confuses Jason) and “Tina’s Daddy Issues” (psychic abilities).

Remakes Update

Corey — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:17:52 +0000


Night of the Demons	Friday the 13th [trailer]	The Last House on the Left	My Bloody Valentine 3D [trailer]

remakes are all the rage with the kids these days, so here’s poster art and trailers for a few upcoming horror ‘re-imaginings.’ are you looking forward to any of these? personally, i can’t wait for my bloody valentine and friday the 13th, which, oddly, i just noticed each star one of the brothers from supernatural.

Classic Horror Games

Corey — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:26:00 +0000

in addition to film, the horror genre is found in all manners of places, such as novels, comics, toys, paintings, bobble-head dolls, and video games. it’s easy enough to find friday the 13th books, action figures and artwork, but, for some reason, the slasher genre has rarely been translated into video games. certainly horror is alive and well in the interactive entertainment realm, with several successful franchises jumping from the game world to their own feature films (e.g., house of the dead, resident evil, alone in the dark, etc.).

why, then, is there no rob zombie’s halloween movie tie-in game on the xbox 360 or a jason: the crystal lake years for my wii (maybe with wiimote swinging action to move the machete around)? why, when it seems so obvious, isn’t there an elm street game where each level is a different dream world? i suppose it’s promising news that there’s a saw game in the works, but why are the true icons of the slasher genre so absent in this one medium? well, as it turns out, this wasn’t always so.

michael, jason, leatherface and freddy all made video game appearances on early home consoles. the time of pac-man and mario bros. is where you need to look to find slasher film themed games… not the current age of violent games like silent hill: homecoming and grand theft auto 4. while we may have to go back further than expected, let’s take a look at the few times that slasher films have made the jump into the video game realm.

halloween

atari 2600 — in 1983 wizard video games released halloween, “the game where HE comes home.” the pronoun is a bit ambiguous as neither the box nor the manual ever calls michael myers by name, but i think it’s safe to assume the white faced guy with the knife is michael. created for the atari 2600, the player controls an unnamed babysitter. points can be scored in one of two ways — either by escorting children to safe rooms within the house or by finding the knife and stabbing michael. five children or two michael stabs equals a level up, with each level featuring a faster incarnation of ‘the shape.’ play continues until the player loses all three lives, happily represented by grinning pumpkins at the top of the screen.

the game was controversial in its time due to its violent content. if the babysitter is touched by michael, she is decapitated, featuring a death animation complete with spurting red pixels. the game sold extremely poorly, likely because most stores kept it behind the counter due to the controversy. wizard eventually went bankrupt and, while liquidating their merchandise, eventually sold the game with only a hand printed label (copies of which are now collector’s items).

not a horrible game by any means, my favorite aspect is that it retains carpenter’s haunting theme whenever michael appears on screen. a video of gameplay can be seen below.

the texas chainsaw massacre

atari 2600 — while halloween put you in the role of victim, the texas chainsaw massacre (also produced by wizard video games) puts you in the role of mass murderer, leatherface. your goal is to “murder trespassers while avoiding obstacles such as fences, wheelchairs, and cow skulls.” each victim slain gives the player 1,000 points and a life is lost when the player’s chainsaw runs out of gasoline.

i love the inclusion of franklin’s wheelchair as one of the obstacles you need to avoid, but this game is far more flawed than halloween. it’s too easy to get stuck on the obstacles (which have invisible pixels you can get caught on), the character/chainsaw models are crude even by atari 2600 standards and the loud beep used to emulate the victim’s scream is a near constant annoyance.

friday the 13th

nes — one virtue that the previous games had is that they generally followed the plot of the films they’re based on — a babysitter did need to protect kids from michael myers and leatherface did chase people around in the woods with a chainsaw. 1988′s friday the 13th game, however, plays a little looser with its source material, but ends up being a rather interesting (if difficult) early chapter in the survival horror genre.

in the nes adaptation of friday the 13th, you control six different camp counselors of various skills as they attempt to survive three days protecting campers at camp crystal lake. while jason is certainly in the game, you spend most of your time fighting various birds, wolves and zombies (the latter are, as the instructions explain, former victims of jason’s who have risen from the grave to do his bidding). now, i consider myself fairly knowledgeable when it comes to the friday the 13th franchise, but i’m fairly certain that jason did not control an army of avian and canine wildlife and undead camp counselors. maybe that was in part 5, which i usually skip over.

jason can show up in the cabins, outside or in the lake (where he swims like an aquatic bat out of hell, chasing down your boat). fights with jason become increasingly harder each day you survive. while the jason we know from the film’s rarely threatened children, in this game he will readily slaughter your group of children if you don’t rescue them fast enough.

optionally, you can also face down the decapitated head of pamela voorhees, which flitters around like an angry rubber bat on an angry stretchy string, striking at you occasionally. defeating the head of jason’s mother gives you special items (like her sweater, which protects one of your counselors from damage).

i recall two things about this game from when i originally played it in the 80s. i remember the awesome opening animation of the hockey mask, which gets stabbed through one of the eye-holes with a knife and changes color. and i remember that this game was damn near impossible. i’m not sure i fully understood what the goal of the game was, as all i can really remember is walking around, lighting fires in fireplaces and getting smacked down by jason whenever he’d stroll by. i think i eventually figured it out, but my chief complaint against the game is that it never really did anything to feel like a friday the 13th film.

a far more in-depth look at the game can be seen at sydlexia.

a nightmare on elm street

nes — ljn, who released the friday the 13th game for the nes also released a nightmare on elm street on the same platform. as in that game, you begin by fighting off various forms of wildlife (snakes, bats, dogs, etc.), but things eventually get more interesting. once you enter a house, the enemies become nightmarish creatures like skulls on legs, giant freddy gloves, etc.

the game seems to be loosely based on a nightmare on elm street 4: the dream master since you collect “dream warrior” power tokens that grant your character borrowed abilities (magic attack, throwing star attack, hovering ability, etc.). you fight your way through each building on elm street, working your way to a freddy boss at the end of each level. one of the more interesting aspects of the game is that it employs a transformation from the dream world to the real world from time to time, presenting you with different challenges and enemies in each. this ‘alternate version of the same environment’ gameplay is later used in the soul reaver, silent hill and h.r. giger’s dark seed games.

chiller

arcade/nes — while not actually based on a horror movie franchise, no discussion of old-school horror games would be complete without a mention of chiller.

imagine hostel the video game, and you’ve basically got chiller. while most horror games put you in the role of the hero fighting the monster/s, chiller puts you in the role of a sadistic madman bent on human torture. you score points by knocking flesh and bone off helpless victims who are usually chained to some wall or device. for example, score extra points by shooting the flesh off a man’s legs before shooting the crank on the guillotine to behead him. gameplay is spread across four locales, the torture chamber, the rack room, the hallway and the graveyard. once you’ve scored enough points in a room according to the ‘monster meter’, your total score is calculated on the oddly named ‘ectoplasmic tabulator.’

i never played this on the nes, but i do remember running into it as a kid at a local arcade. my friends and i would laugh at the absurdity of it all, in particular the horrible graphics and the low-quality computer screeches that passed for the victim’s screams. however, there were a lot of “omg, did you just see that!?!” exclamations thrown around… a reaction the game can still provoke today given its blatant disregard for good taste.

bonus entry

terrordrome

pc — while certainly not a classic game since it’s still in development, i thought i’d throw in terrordrome as a bonus.

what would be the coolest game ever made? i’ll tell you — it’d be a fighter with classic horror icons as the combatants — like soul calibur but with freddy, jason and michael myers. the rights issues alone dictate we will probably never really see a licensed version of such a thing, but terrordrome: rise of the boogeymen is a fan-made version of what i’ve just described.

while still under development, characters will include michael myers, freddy krueger, leatherface, ash, chucky, jason, herbert west, candyman, ghostface and more. a playable demo which includes the first four characters can be found at terrordrome-thegame.com. while many pages are still under construction, the site also includes screenshots, videos and character models.

i’m incredibly impressed with the models, locations, sound effects and special attacks. i’ve only played on a keyboard which i found a bit cumbersome, but i plan to try it out again using a controller soon. i am indebted to our friends over at horrorfilmmagazine for drawing my attention to this amazing little project; to read more about terrordrome, check out their in-depth look at the game.

Childhood Horrors

Corey — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:35:00 +0000

it’s said that sources of trauma and terror in childhood become sources of attraction later in life. if nothing else, this basic tenet of human psychology goes a long way to explaining my love of horror films and, i would wager, yours as well. would i still love slasher films if i hadn’t been scared out of my seven year old mind by halloween one late october night? or, if in the years after, my grandparents had been a bit more strict and not allowed me to rent the entire friday the 13th series (only six films at that point)? i somehow doubt it.

one of the better horror blogs out there seems to be based on this simple idea. while covering many aspects of horror, kindertrauma seems primarily aimed at covering those aspects of film and television that scared you as a child. whether intentionally frightening (like sleestaks) or not (like slim goodbody), kindertrauma covers everything that made you into the horror fan you are.

with that idea in mind, i thought i’d list some of my own childhood experiences that contributed to my current love of the horror genre. (note: animated gifs may take a moment to load.)

halloween: closet scene

halloween scared the ever-living shit out of me. i was so scared that night, i couldn’t eat, sleep or walk straight. watching the film now for the umpteenth, it’s sometimes hard to appreciate the effect the film can have on its initial viewing. when i was seven, every second of that film was terrifying. even the seemingly benign scenes like the girls chatting after class held a since of dread, since you never knew when that haunting bit of music would start up, alerting you to the shape’s presence.

after laurie first “killed” michael, i was so relieved. i didn’t think i could take much more of michael leaping out of the shadows, and a sense of calm washed over me. little did i know that the single scariest moment in my movie-watching life was about to take place… i hid behind the sofa when michael appeared at the top of the stairs, not as dead as i’d hoped, and laurie ran for the bedroom. she leaves a window open and locks herself in the closet. michael’s no dummy though and doesn’t fall for her clever ruse, and begins pulling on the closet door handles. i wish i had a video tape of myself watching this scene for the first time… as best i can recall, i was crouched behind the sofa, peeking over the edge… all the while sort of bouncing up and down and yelling “oh my god! oh my god!” as michael crashed through the closet door, knocking the single light bulb swinging, i’m certain i screamed.

the sense of excitement and fear this film left me with in the hours, nights and years that followed is why halloween is still my favorite film and, at least partly, why i am a horror fan today.

bloody mary

whoever came up with this urban legend is a genius. this legend is so scary that you don’t even need to know the back story for it to work. when i was a kid i think there was some vague story about a woman named mary having her baby killed or something… it doesn’t matter. the only important part is that you’re supposed to go into a dark room alone with just a candle and say ‘bloody mary’ three times into a mirror which makes mary appear. i remember doing this with friends when i was seven or eight in our center bathroom (which had no windows) and being absolutely convinced that if i said it all three times, a woman covered in blood would be behind the shower curtain in the mirror’s reflection. i could only say her name twice before running out yelling.

the headless roommate

i recall reading daniel cohen’s “the headless roommate and other tales of terror” alone in bed, late one night while at the beach. i’d checked out the book from the school library, so it was a hardcover with no slip cover, leaving the book just a plain red with small white lettering… which somehow made it creepier. the book is basically just a collection of urban legends, many of which you’d already be familiar with (e.g., “the vanishing hitchhiker”). the story that stuck with me the most, however, is usually referred to as “the furry collar.” the gist of the story can be read here, but cohen’s version is much longer, better paced, and scarier. i remember that the room i was in while reading it was at the top of a long flight of stairs, just like in the story. what little sleep i got that night, i got with the lights on.

scary stories to tell in the dark

if you’re reading this site, then i’d bet good money you’re familiar with these books. and i doubt i need to remind you of the scariest part of these books… it wasn’t the stories (which were typically rather lame… e.g., “i’m the viper: i’m here to vipe the vindows”) — it was the pictures. the artist for these books somehow tapped directly into what nightmares look like and put it on paper. even twenty years later i could recall the four pictures that scared me the most… and it didn’t take me long to find them.

witchboard

while not a particularly scary movie, witchboard caught me at just the right time. i was spending the night alone for one of the first times and it was on hbo at midnight. i don’t recall exactly what in the movie hit me so hard, but i remember being utterly freaked out all night afterwards. i ran around the house, double-checking all the locks on the doors and windows and would jump at every floorboard creak. i watched the movie again recently, and i honestly can’t figure out how i could be so scared of a movie about a plank of wood that features a bubble-gum chewing, uber-1980s dressed psychic named zarabeth.

friday the 13th: the novel

this is a weird one for three reasons. for one, the film friday the 13th hadn’t scared me. two, while reading the book it was daylight at a friend’s birthday party. and three, the book isn’t particularly well written. regardless, somehow reading about the doomed counselors at crystal lake was somehow so much more frightening than watching. i distinctly remember annie’s (the cook) death scene, and its description from her point of view as the blood ran out her throat and everything faded to white. i was rattled for a while after reading that chapter… at least until my friend’s dad put rambo on the tv.

clowns

i don’t really understand why the circus keeps going with the whole ‘clown’ thing, since i don’t know anyone that likes them. clowns are scary, case closed. i don’t recall the moment i realized clowns were bad news, but i remember a couple contributing factors.

my mom hated circuses. she was unnaturally terrified of popping balloons and avoided the circus when i was a kid… which clearly conveyed to me that something there was to be feared.
octopussy. psycho, knife-wielding twin clowns open the film. ’nuff said.
clive barker’s “dread.” one of my favorite barker short stories, it features a psychologist obsessed with the study of fear and an axe-wielding clown.
it. tim curry. awesome.

jaws

jaws, being the sneaky little devil that it is, wasn’t content to just scare me once. like everyone else in the world, the film made me afraid of the ocean for… well, ever. the scene where the shark first surfaces in front of brody knocked me down into the seat cushions. however, it was years later that i read the book and was traumatized all over again. in particular, i remember the opening scene with the skinny-dipping girl. the book describes her feeling a slight tug from below, which she wasn’t very concerned about. she reaches down to see what it was, and feels the cleanly sliced stump where her foot should have been. that concept, of being in the black water and being cut so cleanly and quickly that you don’t even realize it, freaked me out so completely that i think of it every time i go near the beach to this day.

a lamb on elm st.

i don’t know why, but the scariest moment for me in a nightmare on elm street was during the opening credits when a lamb wanders by. while it may not sound like nightmare fuel, for some reason it got me. it’s so weirdly out of place and surreal, it strengthens the dream-like quality of the scene… and for some reason that bleating lamb in midst of the steam pipes and krueger’s laughing left me really disturbed. if tina’s immediate reaction to the shot of the lamb is any indication, this effect was intentional.

halloween: michael sits up

ending up where we began, halloween deserves another mention on this list. while michael crashing through the closet was the scariest moment in the film for me, the creepiest moment happens a few minutes later. michael is dead… again. unfamiliar with horror clichés at the time, i completely believed the killer was finally dead. then occurs the creepiest moment in film history… from over laurie’s shoulder, michael sits up and turns towards her. the action is so mechanical and unemotional, watching it still tingles my spine and heebies my jeebies to this day.

Friday the 13th Movie Site Goes Live

Corey — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:54:00 +0000

fridaythe13thmovie.com

behold the awesome power of advertising.

this teaser poster for the friday the 13th re-imagining/re-envisioning/remake/whatever completely changed my attitude towards the film. i went from “meh” to “omg-i-wish-i-owned-a-time-machine-and-could-send-myself-to-next-february” in about 0.05 sec. simple, stylish and elegant, it communicates everything you need to know about the film using a single image and a date. the poster implies a seriousness to the material that’s been missing from the series for far too long. in addition to the poster, i’ve read positive things about the footage shown at comic-con, so consider me converted — i’m now excited about this particular remake.

The Fashion of Camp Crystal Lake Part 2

Corey — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 20:58:00 +0000

We continue our look into the fashion sense of the Friday the 13th series by focusing on the cast of characters presented in the aptly named Friday the 13th Part 2 (please see our first article for a look at the original film). Featuring one of the best dressed final girls of the series as well as Jason in the iconic “bag-head” costume, this should be a lot of fun.

Corey: Here we have Alice, the previous film’s final girl, relaxing at home. Add a puffy, stitched Santa Claus head with blinking eyes or a bunch of candy canes to that jumper and you have the perfect Christmas outfit. For an infant. Or, if you left it as-is, maybe a terrier.

Jon: Her outfit does have a nauseatingly Christmas-green color, but I think she’s really going for the rustic pickle look, which she’s hoping will drive all the local farm boys at Camp Crystal Lake wild. Also, I think she secretly enjoys smelling her own armpit.

A GIRL: Alice has thrown herself to her bed in tears because she can’t get her Christmas Cthulhu costume quite right. The not-found-in-nature shades of green are spot on, but she hasn’t quite found the optimal balance between festivity and dread.

Jon: “Nobody will sleep with me…wah wah wah wah. My hat’s too small for my head…wah wah wah wah. Jason’s out to get me…. wah wah wah wah. So I think I’ll just stay in this here bed. ‘Cause I got the blues. I got them old Camp Crystal Lake blues again.”

Corey: I think he’s singing an unrequited love song to his hat that ends with a verse expressing a secret wish for some sleeves.

A GIRL: This hat cries out to be paired with a tweedy, leather-elbowed jacket. This hat dreams of a day it will be jauntily worn to the fox hunt or the afternoon garden party. This hat is destined for sad, grey, sleeveless disappointment, accompanied by a lonesome harmonica tune.

Corey: I’m not sure I can explain why precisely, but Paul’s outfit and stance make me imagine the phrase “Oh, Snap!” said in a sassy tone. Also, that’s not a name on that jersey, that’s a shitty Scrabble hand.

Jon: Friday the 13th Part 2 leaves us with so many unanswered questions. Why is Bo Duke holding that piece of paper? Why is Horshack in a wheelchair? Why are they both in this film?

A GIRL: This guy has a big future in romance novel covers. I can only imagine that he is helping his pal prepare for a woodsy performance of Rear Window, since those are obviously script notes in his hand.

Corey: The Friday the 13th films always feature some familiar stereotypes (e.g., the unpopular clown, the slut, the virgin, etc.). But really? Paul is the best out-in-the-woods-rugged-but-handsome-Marlboro-man character the film could muster? I don’t care how many buttons he leaves undone or how many flannel shirts he owns, no outfit is going to stop him from tripping my gaydar.

Jon: I agree. The ONLY thing preventing Paul from becoming Fred from Scooby Doo is an ascot.

A GIRL: This is a good example of how the right clothing and accessories can really let a man express his personality and mood. The first outfit, with turtleneck and rolled up sleeves, says, ‘Let’s share a bottle of wine and then I will molest you,’ while a sportier look with a convertible accessory says, ‘Let’s go for a drive and then I will molest you.’

Corey: Jordache’s amazing new “Flat Polygon Crotch” jeans. There also seems to be an armpit theme in this film that had gone unnoticed by me until now.

Jon: My god you’re right. There are really too few sleeves in this movie. It’s as if they’re all taking their fashion cues from Larry the Cable Guy.

A GIRL: She is posed as if they are about to break out into a dance routine. The other dancers are waiting just out of view, ready to bounce in and show off their high waisted jeans and multicolored tank tops. They will surround the man, and through their interpetive movements convince him to exchange his homemade, impromptu sleeveless shirt for a genuine, possibly polyester one.

Corey: While not initially apparent to everyone, Terri is one of the more sympathetic characters in the film, what with her tragic background of poverty and everything. Here you can see that she’s forced to wear the same clothes from when she was a toddler.

Jon: Who wears short shorts? SHE wears short shorts!

A GIRL: When I was A little GIRL, I had a Barbie and her little sister Skipper, and many fabulous outfits for each. This look is similar to what happened when Barbie borrowed Skipper’s clothes.

Corey: With his dreamy eyes and Tom Cruise-esque smile, Scott is letting us know that nothing says “I’m a sophisticated GQ man” like a black satin shirt, perfectly styled hair and a slingshot for launching rocks at other people’s asses.

Jon: I want to paint a pencil thin moustache on him, put him in a big Mariachi hat, and have him say: “Hello, beautiful. My name is Zorro. Women love me. Men fear the might of my slingshot.”

A GIRL: I don’t quite understand what’s going on in this shot. Is he trying to accessorize with the plant, using it as a scarf or ascot, or is he merely trying to cover up an embarrassing trouser situation?

Corey: Ted is the aforementioned “clown” character in the film, but with a twist. For some reason he’s actually fairly popular amongst the rest of the counselors. This doesn’t excuse him from the fashion rules of the clown/prankster stereotype though, which disallow the wearing of anything that doesn’t cause a loss of dignity (e.g. those white socks pulled almost to knees and the fact that he’s wearing deer skins after Labor Day).

Jon: This is like the before and after pictures of a nice suburban barbecue gone horribly awry after too many bottles of Zima.

A GIRL: Here Ted is depicted on two of his many failed auditions to become the seventh member of the Village People. Badly Dressed Chef was truly a poor concept, but I hear that Cave Boy was almost accepted, until at the last moment sailors were chosen instead.

Jon: Somewhere in the middle of the film, Ted decided that he was too conspicuous dressed up in that bright yellow shirt and those little khaki shorts. So he decided to disguise himself as a giant metal penis.

Corey: “Should I bring the steel or the copper hat to the beach in 90 degree weather?”

A GIRL: Superheroes of the 80s really had a hard time with their costumes. Bullet Head Man has a great alter ego, for who could expect such power to be hidden behind a crisp cotton plaid? Foolishly, he blew all his money on some designer chinos, and could only afford an aluminum helmet and no matching boots.

Corey: You didn’t even know there was a black character in this movie, did you? Well, there he is, looking quite a bit like Willis from Diff’rent Strokes (Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum…). The reason you don’t remember him is certainly not because the costume designer didn’t try to draw attention to him through interesting shirt and suspender choices.

Jon: Well, you have to remember that Robin Williams-style rainbow suspenders were actually in fashion in the wacky 80s, as were tennis wristbands. But they could have made it clearer that he’s an expendable, token character by at least giving him a red shirt. Also, it looks like he enjoys smelling his own armpit.

A GIRL: This young man is training for a career as a professional Let’s Make a Deal contestant. His last minute Mork outfit was not enough to attract Monty Hall’s attention, but he’s bound to find out what’s behind door number one dressed as African Jimmy Buffet.

Corey: “No, I’m fairly certain my hot pink shirt and headband out-’80s your propped Izod collar and canvas belt.”

Jon: Someday, anthropologists will look at the way people dressed in the 80s and conclude that EVERYONE back then had just finished either jazzercising or playing tennis.

A GIRL: This scene is obviously a lover’s quarrel. She has long grown tired of struggling to get close to him, only to be rebuffed by a stiff flipped-up collar. He has finally noticed that her headband is part of a matching set, and the young man above is wearing the wristbands! He jumps to the logical conclusion, and protests of innocence will soon dissolve into tears. Later, the dog will take revenge for his mistress by chewing up the offending shirt and widdling on the no-iron trousers.

Corey: I see no problems with this outfit.

Jon: I agree in the strongest possible terms.

A GIRL: I am starting to think that this is not really a movie about Jason the deranged killer. It is really a story about Jason the deranged tailor, who, after failing to secure sponsorship for Spring Fashion Week, runs around cutting off any unnecesary piece of shirting, such as sleeves and midriffs.

Corey: Jason has certianly improved his fashion sense while living in the woods. Forsaking the “naked covered in seaweed and twigs” look, he’s chosen a beautiful pair of OshKosh B’Gosh overalls and a cotton pillowcase, which is a classic look that never goes out of style.

Jon: I’ve never noticed that he actually has TWO eyeholes. I always thought there was just the one. The other eyehole is just very, very tiny and easily escapes notice. Or maybe he cut out a full-sized eyehole, and then later sewed it shut, which raises all kinds of questions about how domesticated that makes Jason. Either way, if you stare at this picture long enough, it starts to look like Jason is winking at us, which is actually kinda scary. But I can’t get over how small and soft his hands look. I mean, I’m not the most rugged guy in the world, but surely they could have found some dude with at least a little bit of dirt in his nails and a callous or two to play the part of a swampy, knife-wielding mutant.

A GIRL: Here Jason has taken a common but useless approach to a bad hair day. Instead of a deep conditioning rinse and some texturizing pomade, he has applied an old potato sack.

Corey: For someone who was in a bikini in an earlier scene, Ginny is certainly wearing a lot of layers later in the evening. That said, this is excellent “running for your f’ing life” attire which you should always strive for when camping, just in case.

Jon: I agree. Her outfit looks like it’s been stuffed with straw. And she looks much bigger than Jason here. She could have easily body slammed that little pipsqueak.

A GIRL: This outfit makes a lot of sense once you realize Jason’s true motivation. Ginny has piled on layer after layer of shirts, in the hopes that no matter how many of her garments Jason attacks, she will still be fully shirted.

Jon: I don’t know what Jason did, exactly, to his mom’s sweater since the last movie, but those stains ain’t EVER coming out.

Corey: Some hand-me-downs should just be politely accepted then discreetly thrown away. To Jon’s point, I shudder to think what he’s been doing with it the last few years.

A GIRL: It is so important to store your treasured garments properly. A well made sweater can indeed last for generations. Unfortunately for the Voorhees collection, although peat moss does have amazing preservative properties, here we see why it is not recommended for use with antique knits.

The Fashion of Camp Crystal Lake Part 1

Corey — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:27:00 +0000

Somethingawful.com used to run a fashion feature looking at clothes from old catalogs, websites and similar sources. Thinking back on that while re-watching the Friday the 13th series recently, it occurred to us that fashion is an integral, if often overlooked, aspect of the series and it deserves far more attention than it receives. To remedy this glaring oversight, we are proud to present the first part of a continuing series, “The Fashion of Camp Crystal Lake.” Additionally, in an Eo2L first, since we’re looking at fashion we’ve invited a guest writer — A GIRL. As a female, A GIRL is imminently qualified to comment on fashion, being innately given all fashion knowledge at birth, just like Project Runway mentor, Tim Gunn.

Corey: In this rustic Hazzard County-esque setting, Marcie sports a lovely maternity smock while Ned gives Jimmy Buffet’s shirt collection a run for its money.

Jon: While a bewildered Kevin Bacon gives up looking for his shirt buttons.

A GIRL: Marcie has the right idea with a casual look for a rural outing, but the execution is poor. Her top hits at the widest part of her hips, while her jeans taper from the thigh, giving her the look not of a lithe, willowy, soon-to-be viciously murdered teen, but more that of a poorly rendered statue of a lesser fertility goddess.

Corey: In the picture above and the one on the far left, his arms are closely held at his sides making him kinda look like a jack-in-the-box that just popped out of that tree trunk. I have to admit though, he looks very GQ in that last photo, what with the gold chain, Tom Cruise crazy-smile and hip swagger goin’ on.

Jon: You’ve got to give him credit for striking such a perfect Marlboro Man pose, but at the rate he’s losing those buttons, his shirt’s going to be at his ankles by the time we get to his death scene.

A GIRL: I believe Kevin is using a deep v-neck to elongate his torso, and a gold chain to bring attention toward his face. GQ indeed.

Jon: It was an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow striped Cousteau bikini, that he wore for the first time today.

Corey: I’ve always thought my crotch was missing something, and now I know what it is… yellow racing stripes.

A GIRL: Kevin is missing a few small elements that would really bring this ensemble together, such as a shirt, pants, shoes, socks, and ideally a hat to tame that shrubbery of a hairdo.

Corey: I see no problems with this outfit.

Jon: I agree in the strongest possible terms.

A GIRL: This outfit really expresses the 80s time period. I can’t believe that neither Corey nor Jon noticed that she really should be wearing a thong to avoid that pesky VPL.

Jon: Is it just me, or does Mrs. Voorhees look like she ought to be whistling the Old Spice tune, or singing a sea shantie?

Corey: I agree. Give her a corncob pipe and a yellow rain hat and she could be on a box of fish sticks.

A GIRL: What a clever halloween costume Mrs. Voorhees has created. I would never have thought of dressing up as dryer lint.

Jon: Sloppy Joes, sloppy, sloppy Joes, yeah! Sloppy Joes, sloppy, sloppy Joes, yeah!

Corey: This image of Trudy the waitress brings back many fond memories of late-nights at the Waffle House and uncontrollable feelings of the need to regurgitate. It’s also worth pointing out that Trudy’s glasses, if hit in just the right way on a sunny day by a stray beam of sunlight, can literally burn out customers retinas, leaving nothing behind but smoking eye sockets and unnatural screams of anguish and pain.

A GIRL: I believe Trudy is a fasion DO for being unafraid of bold color combinations. Too often we see women of size hiding behind drab and shapeless clothing, so it’s refreshing to see her sporting this robin’s egg blue and yellow combo.

Jon: Most people don’t realize that Camp Crystal lake is actually situated on a sacred Indian burial ground. This is Chief Chicken Leg, proud member of the Tighty-whitey Tribe and sworn defender of his ancestral lands.

Corey: Slasher films always feature the attention-whoring prankster/geek character, and I believe this trend started with the introduction of Ned, pictured here. Part 2 may have Ted, Part 3 may have Shelly, but there will always be a special place in my heart for the racially insensitive clothing, near-fatal archery pranks and horrible impersonations of Ned, the archetypal über-annoying slasher fodder character.

A GIRL: In fashion, two wrongs make me nauseated. The feathered headdress does not draw my eye away from the unnecessary display of underpants. Instead, I look back and forth from head to, er, area, more and more rapidly in a futile attempt to escape from the dastardly duo of faux pas, until collapsing in a sick dizzy heap.

Jon: It’s probably good that THIS guy was never in the same scene with the Indian Kid. I’m pretty sure the Village People would have sued over copyright infringement.

Corey: Steve, you’re going to be so embarrassed when you get home and see yourself in this movie. Except for your upper lip, you’re like completely naked… with no clothes on. For decency’s sake, hide your shame.

A GIRL: This character may have been on the cutting edge of the metro-sexual revolution, in his fearless use of an unnecessary accessory.

Jon: This is so ridiculous. I mean just LOOK at that. He’s painting that railing without even applying one coat of primer. Geesh.

Corey: I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, but whenever I look at this outfit and the expression on this guy’s face… all I can imagine is him singing the theme to “Boosom Buddies.”

A GIRL: When i see him, all I can imagine is the video for “Freeze Frame.”

Jon: Ok, now this film is really creeping me out, because I never noticed it before, but my grandmother has a big pink bath robe that looks just like that one.

Corey: Yet another insulting example of sexist film-makers dressing their female leads in revealing, unrealistic attire in order to attract their target demographic — the teenage male.

A GIRL: Industry insiders refer to this as the ‘I give up’ nightdress, worn by girls who can no longer be bothered to find something chaste yet alluring to wear in the woods. I think it comes from the same collection as Marcie’s top.

Jon: Why are the men in this film more feminine than the women? Pamela Voorhees is dressed like a sea captain, and the final girl is dressed like a gender-neutral cowboy.

A GIRL: I agree with Jon. Alice’s wardrobe seems to have been designed with her younger brother in mind. But, if anyone is a fan, I’m pretty sure you can still get those pants at L.L. Bean (I can get you a two-for-one coupon).

Corey: Alice is not just one of the worst final girls, she’s also one of the worst dressed. It’s hard to believe they went from such a horrible final girl to Ginny in just one film, but that they did. Stay tuned because we look at the greatest final girl of all time (Ginny) and her well-dressed compatriates from Friday the 13th Part 2 in the next installment.

Friday the 13th Comics

Corey — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:47:00 +0000

jason voorhees has found his way into the comic book realm many times over the last few years through various publishers. he’s become friends with leatherface, fought with bruce campbell, and even battled the futuristic jason x version of himself. i may look at some of these mini-series later, but the series i want to look at right now is the first one i found and my favorite thus far: the first 6-issue mini-series published by wildstorm simply titled friday the 13th.

can jason work on the printed page? i distinctly remember reading the novelization of friday the 13th in elementary school and being utterly freaked out by the scene where the cook, annie, gets her throat slashed… so yes, jason’s effectiveness in print can be similar to that in film. but can anyone write and illustrate a comic that properly conveys the mood of the early films and treat the character of jason appropriately? i didn’t really think so and expected to find only ridiculous plot-lines and bizarre match-ups like those mentioned earlier. and that’s exactly what i found in the majority of the comics out there… jason has become rather ridiculous in the film series and that’s doubly true in the world of comics. however, i was quite surprised to see that the latest publisher to get their hands on the rights to the crystal lake killer seems to be treating jason with an incredibly amount of respect. it’s not perfect and i’ll dig into the details shortly, but it all boils down to this… this comic should be made into a film — this story has the potential to be the best sequel in the entire series.

the comic starts off strong with jason chasing a naked, bloodied girl through the forest. the girl is rescued by an older couple in a winnebago who take her to a hospital. from there the rest of the story is told in flashback as the girl recounts how she came to be in the horrific circumstances in which she was discovered.

from there the plots hits familiar territory, echoing many things from the early films. there are some hitchhiking kids who stumble into a diner near crystal lake. there are kids smoking weed, a strange guy indicating impending doom and, most importantly, someone is trying to open camp crystal lake again. the twist this time is that they plan to use the camp’s unseemly reputation as a selling point. kids all go to camp and listen to ghost stories around the campfire… at ‘camp blood,’ the stories are true. i don’t know if kids would really be begging their parents to be sent to ‘camp blood,’ but it’s largely irrelevant since we know the camp will never actually open — not when a large group of young, attractive teens have just wandered into jason’s turf.

from there we spend a little time learning about the characters who will undoubtedly all be dead soon. there’s the gay guy, the angry jock, the tough guy, the slut, the crazy girl, etc. etc. the interesting thing about the structure of this is that it’s far more similar to a screenplay than a comic. apart from the opening scene which frames the real story, jason voorhees doesn’t make an appearance until the last page of the second issue. that’s a lot of pages of setting up characters and mood… but, just as it would be on screen, it’s time well spent and makes the final two thirds of the story work much better than if they’d rushed jason’s introduction. there’s lots of nudity and spring-loaded-cat scares to keep the audience interested, but the bulk of the time is spent setting up backstory and plot threads that will pay off in later issues.

it may start a bit slow, but by issue three jason has shown up and all the familiar plot devices start popping up. someone stole the cell phones… cars won’t start… tires are popped… the roads are washed out. all the classics are used to isolate our group of teenagers from any hope of help or rescue.

what follows is much what you’d expect — a whole lot of jason stalking and killing people. what might surprise you, however, is that there’s actually a story unfolding at the same time. there’s not much i can say without giving a lot of it away, but the story features a rather clever plot twist that i’d thought i had all figured out… until it twisted again. the story also gives a new version of jason’s origin, actually explaining how he could have drowned in the 1950s and yet be walking around killing now. i won’t say it’s the absolute perfect origin story for jason voorhees — but it is several magnitudes better than anything offered in the films thus far (yes, i’m looking right at you, part 9).

where the story fails to work is in some of the character interactions. some characters are simply annoying and there are some ridiculous moments like when two gay men have a lover’s spat while knowing full well a maniac is stalking them… or when a character decides they absolutely have to go get their medication right now, despite there being a killer outside.

as for jason’s look, he’s hidden in shadows a lot of time (as he should be) and, surprisingly, when shown fully, he actually looks scary… a rather drastic change from his appearance in most other comic adapations and in all the sequels since part 7. visually he’s shown as he should be — an intimidating and terrifying monster who cannot be stopped.

if you can dig it up somewhere, i highly recommend checking this series out. it’s structured well, it treats jason with more respect than he’s seen in decades and, since it’s obvious it can be done well, it makes me hopeful that the next film in the series (the remake currently in production) might actually have a chance at getting things right.

Strange and Bizarre Horror Collectibles

Corey — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:35:00 +0000

previously we looked at some of the coolest horror memoribilia out there. today we continue our look into horror toys, figurines, trinkets and knick-knacks — but with a focus on some of the stranger and more bizarre examples available. you may or may not desire to own these items, but with items like the texas chainsaw massacre christmas tree lights and the freddy krueger yo-yo, each should surprise you simply by their very existence.

jason goblet
price: $2.99

why would a goblet need protective face gear? and what is that on the base… it kinda looks like it’s sitting in dog feces. with the three dollar price tag, i assume this is made of styrofoam or something as opposed to the metal you’d assume ‘goblet’ implied. which means the first time you put wine in it, all that silver paint will probably flake off and give you some sort of fatal poisoning. i have to get one of these.

pinhead hellraiser teddy bear
price: $14.95

sound in theory, this just doesn’t work in practice. that’s not pinhead as a teddy bear — that’s a teddy bear with weird black sticks hanging out of his face. technically that’d make him ‘black stick head,’ which is not nearly as scary. it’d actually be easier, cheaper and more effective to make your own pinhead bear. all you’d need to do is go here with this. i do like this one’s outfit tho.

chucky cushion
price: $14.99

the price on this item keeps getting marked down as i work on this article… i don’t understand why. who wouldn’t want to rest their head on a deformed and scarred pillow which mildly resembles chucky and has weird ears and an afro?

hanging hellraiser butterball decor
price: $13.99

if there’s one cenobite that you want to be able to hang from your car’s rearview mirror or christmas tree, it’s certainly butterball.

blair witch project kubrick box set
price: $29.50

when blair witch-mania hit, it hit hard. i admit to having a blair witch branded shot glass… and during those couple of months in 1999, i might have also bought the heather, josh and mike lego-esque kubrick figures shown here.

1979 alien cookie jar
price: $99.99

a bit out of my price range, but if i had one of these i’d definitely keep dog biscuits in it. i love the look on the alien’s face here, as if he’s trying to say “hi, look what i got. an egg!”

friday the 13th air freshener
price: $3.95

perhaps the most disturbing part of the description for this friday the 13th air freshner is that it doesn’t tell you what it smells like. ponder the possibilities before moving onto…

freddy trick arm
price: $6.99

a freddy arm! the description lists the arm as ‘full-length,’ which is lucky because anything less simply wouldn’t have served my needs. the box is not included… which is a shame. i like the idea of freddy climbing into a steamer trunk, only to have the lid close and crush his armpit… as depicted here.

cthulhu plush fanny pack
price: $18.74

well, if you must wear a fanny pack…

this would have made a great movie prop for finalgirl.blogspot.com’s latest short-film, the devil’s bum bag.

michael myers mask with hair
price: $34.99

i have seen some crappy halloween masks before, but at thirty-five dollars — this isn’t just a horrible reproduction of the original mask, it’s a rip-off too. also… worst. hair. evar.

freddy matchbox car
price: $5.99

so… piecing the story together just from what i can see here… freddy is fifty feet tall and attacking the springwood boiler maintenance van. wouldn’t that be counter-productive? who’s he gonna call when his pipes stop shooting out mood-steam or he loses one of his sheep behind a furnace?

cthulhu christmas wreath
price: $34.99

cthulhu christmas wreath. ’nuff said.

jason snowglobe
price: $43.99

this is probably the item on this list i’d be most likely to actually purchase. ‘snowglobe’ is an odd market for horror to branch out into, but the result isn’t too bad… and i just realized that the girl looks quite a bit like my fiancée. i don’t know whether that’d make her like it or hate it more if it was in our living room.

jason guitar picks
price: $3.99

i almost want to learn guitar just so i can use these. will they work with rock band or guitar hero?

freddy vs. jason battling game
price: $29.99

even if you ignore the fact that the two combatants seem to be facing away from each other, this just looks ridiculous. like a horribly boring version of hungry hungry hippos… with really fat hippos.

freddy yo-yo
price: $6.99

i never fully understood the marketting for a nightmare on elm street. while i imagine there are adults who like yo-yos, this is obviously primarily aimed at children… children who want a yo-yo branded with a burnt, psychotic child molester/murderer’s image? is that a big market? i say this knowing i would have bought it if i’d seen it when i was 13… so i guess the answer is ‘yeah.’

japanese freddy plush doll
price: $49.99

we all know the japanese are weird with their karaoke bars and host clubs and used panty vending machines… but this is going a bit far. a cross-eyed freddy krueger doll that wears a blue sweater and a pirate hat? blasphemy.

michael mask in a bottle
price: $9.00

who wouldn’t want an itty bitty michael myers mask in a jar? that can (as the description informs us) be filled with water. the description also says that this is a “gotta have” for michael myers fans. count me in.

jason spitballs
price: ???

i couldn’t actually find these for sale anywhere. that’s too bad, cuz… well… look at ‘em. friday the 13th spitballs… that possess a “scary 18 foot squirt!” i like that they actually took the care to put the proper cut mark in the hockey mask… but the look on the victim’s face cracks me up.

jason matchbox car
price: $5.99

i can’t really see what the truck says on it, but i assume it’s a camp crystal lake counselor vehicle. unlike the freddy version, the story here obviously makes sense… a fifty foot jason voorhees is attacking counselors. that, or a normal size jason is attacking 5-inch tall counselors. i’d readily watch either one.

horror candle set
price: ???

i don’t really understand how you use this. is every one of these things a separate candle? so five candles… a hockey mask, an arm, a leg, a chainsaw and an axe. jason doesn’t really use a chainsaw, so i don’t completely get that one… but this hardly looks like an officially licensed product anyway.

saw 400% be@rbrick
price: $59.99

ok, i was just getting used the whole ‘kubrick’ thing (the lego-type figures)… but now it turns out there’s a whole other subdivision of them, where the characters are bears… known as be@rbricks. i thought saw was a pretty good movie, but i’m not sure i’m prepared to spend sixty dollars for a blocky saw puppet with bear ears. and yes, even if it glows in the dark.

custom nike jason sneakers
price: ???

as a teen unfamiliar with what females actually found attractive, i absolutely would have worn these high top sneakers, had they existed in 1990. hell, on the right occasion, i might wear them now.

monster freddy doll
price: ???

ok, here’s another unlicensed piece-of-crap depiction of a sexual predator marketed to children. it’s obviously freddy krueger, but they changed the color of the sweater. although they got at least one color right, and his eyes are relatively straight, so they’re a step ahead of the japanese doll seen earlier.

camp crystal lake room rolls
price: $21.59

this is the worst officially licensed product on this list. mainly because there’s no reason for it to be licensed. i suppose you put this on your wall to give the illusion of you being at camp crystal lake… but there’s no camp crystal lake sign, no jason hiding behind a tree (unless he’s really well hidden), or even a creepy reflection of a hockey mask in the water… there’s just some trees and some water. that’d hardly make it the crown jewel of your horror memorabilia collection. the description even hints to such as it clearly states “combine with other jason products (sold separately) for the perfect scene.”

friday the 13th and texas chainsaw christmas lights
price: $34.95

i greatly desire to see a christmas tree decorated solely in these lights. perhaps a nice lament configuration or pinhead figurine up on top? after all, he’s a demon to some, angel to others

The One Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins

Corey — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:24:00 +0000

hannibal lecter once said:

How do we begin to covet, Clarice?
Do we seek out things to covet?
No, we begin by coveting what we see every day.

i humbly disagree. the only thing i can see from where i’m sitting right now is a half full cherry coke bottle and an empty tape dispenser. those aren’t really the kinds of things i’m aching to possess… so i usually need to go out looking for objects of envy. like all genre fans, i collect dvds and books… but one of the more frivolous pursuits most of us horror fans have in common is the love of horror-related toys. i love movie collectibles — my desk and home are littered with things like posable michael myers action figures, a plastic hellraiser puzzle box (or ‘lament configuration,’ if you want to sound all knowledgeable and stuff) and a giant jason voorhees that screeches “ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah” when you push a button on his back. like all obsessive collectors though, there is always room for more and i often find myself searching ebay and online toy stores for the latest horror chotchke to place on my desk at work or around my tiny apartment. i rarely actually order anything, but i almost always find cool and interesting things that i just can’t quite justify spending so much money on but would buy in a second if there was no longer a need for things like food, shelter, dog biscuits or socks. so, that’s what i’m going to share with you today… some of the bitchin’-est models, action figures, replicas and horror-related odds & ends i’ve recently run across, so that we may collectively salivate over them together.

the exorcist spider walk regan action figure
price: $16.99

those who haven’t seen the exorcist: the version you’ve never seen (and really, with a name like that there’s likely to be a few) will probably wonder why you have a doll of a 12-year old girl in a night-gown doing a back-bend in your room… but screw it. that scene was freakin’ creepy and so is this figurine.

cloverfield movie monster
price: $99.99

a bit pricey at $100, but damn this toy version of clover is cool. it stands 14″ tall, comes with 10 parasites, the head of the statue of liberty and features ‘authentic sounds.’ i only hope those sounds aren’t what makes up most of the dialogue in the film, which would just be a constant loop of “rob, dude. dude. rob, hey. rob. we gotta go. rob. dude.”

alien pile statue
price: $234.99

ok, like many of items listed here — this defies any description other than “awesome!”

and they’re so cute… i imagine if these guys were your pets, they’d sit in front of the door just like this while you were at work… waiting anxiously for you to come home.

alien 400% kubrick figure
price: $67.49

i’m not sure why these lego-type versions of characters are called ‘kubricks’ (i assume it has nothing to do with stanley), but they sure are adorable. most are rather small, but this one stands almost a foot high and is based off the original giger designs for alien. this would make a terrific present for any adult sci-fi/horror fan… or a really crappy one for your five-year old nephew.

alien 18-inch classic figure
price: $49.99

ok, i’m completely getting one of these when they’re released. so few of the alien toys feature the clear dome skull (most go for the crinkly, less interesting heads used in cameron’s film). at 18-inches tall, this guy will be able to do mock-battles with my giant new blood jason voorhees, which is a big plus.

alien warrior life size replica
price: $4500.00

ok, i’m completely not getting one of these… but not for a lack of desire. the price is a bit out of my range, but holy god… when people came over to your place they’d either think you were the coolest guy in all the land… or the creepiest.

movable lament configuration
price: $419.00

one of the disappointments of owning a hellraiser puzzle box is that it’s never going to move around and make all the crazy shapes it does in the movie, nor will it open a doorway to hell. the latter is probably ok, but the former would be frickin’ awesome… well, this box comes the closest in that it will actually make the first two moves of the puzzle. hand-crafted from mahogany and etched in brass, it’s rather amazing looking as well.

puzzle box signed
price: $129.99

i’m quite fond of this box because while it may not move, it does come in the nifty display case… which would really be the only way to display it in your home. get a couple of them like dr. channard did in the film and display them next to a bloody mattress for added creepiness.

hellraiser paperweight
price: $19.99

for the budget-minded or those looking for a more modern take on the classic lament configuration, here’s a clear version. it seems to have the words ‘hellraiser’ printed on it though, which i’d prefer it didn’t.

frank figure
price: $13.99

who wouldn’t want a tiny skinnless frank in a suit, and it appears to come with frank’s trademark cigarette and switchblade as well. now if they’d only make a ‘frank strung up on hooks & chains emanating from the depths of hell’ christmas tree ornament, i’d be set.

dr. channard statue
price: $239.99

i don’t know that dr. channard was one of my favorite characters, but those tentacles coming out of his hands making flowers and razors and stuff were pretty cool. as far as mobility, he’s sorta limited by this tentacle thing attached to his head leading him around which sorta makes him hell’s yo-yo, i guess — but he’s still pretty cool.

brundle-fly statue
price: $194.99

of all the tiny statues of jeff goldblum that are out there… this is the one to have.

american werewolf 2-pack
price: $22.49

i have wanted this toy for over 20 years now… i absolutely love the design of the werewolf in an american werewolf in london, but he’s never been in toy form before. i was so disappointed when i heard years ago they’d released a figure from the film and it just ended up being one of those nazi guys from the dream sequence — what were they thinking? anyway, they finally did it right and created a werewolf/meatloaf jack two-pack, which i promptly accidentally let my fiancée know was something i couldn’t live without. inspired by pure love, i’m fairly certain that she rushed out and pre-ordered it for my birthday… over a year ago. the release date has been pushed back more times than i can remember, but i am certain that it will arrive in time for one of my birthdays in the coming years.

american werewolf life-size prop
price: $5500.00

if i won a million dollars, this would be the first thing i’d buy. not a car, house or speedboat… this. i’d sit it next to the couch and use it as an arm rest and sit my soda in its mouth… and see how many years it’d be before my dogs (and possibly my fiancée) came out from hiding under the bed.

dog soldiers figure
price: $6.93

while not as cool as the above werewolves, i quite liked the dog soldiers design as well. and at 5,493 dollars and 7 cents cheaper than the previous item… it’s quite the bargain.

trilogy of terror zuni figure
price: $88.00

while most toys are a pale imitation of what they’re based on, it’s not all that hard to make a doll version of a doll… so this is an almost perfect version of the tiny, angry dude from the 70s made-for-tv-movie. if this was sitting on my bookcase i’d have to install motion sensors in the living room to be able to sleep. just in case.

the new blood scream scene statue
price: $179.99

jason in friday the 13th part 7 has always been my favorite incarnation of the crystal lake killer. i have two figures based on him already, but i’d be happy to have another showing how he begins the film… still trapped at the bottom of crystal lake, bobbing around like a fish aquarium treasure chest.

bag head jason figure
price: $14.99

scary bag-head jason is scary. i really need to pick one of these up sometime so that i have a itty bitty version of the creepiest version of jason voorhees.

jason plush
price: $27.99

plush jason is just way too cool for school. i actually couldn’t resist and ordered one of these while working on this article…. he’s just so cute!

jason animated maquette
price: $80.99

friday the 13th: the animated series is just too fabulous of an idea to ever actually exist in our reality. this statue is likely as close as we’ll come to seeing it.

silver shampain final chapter mask
price: $110.00

these masks seem to be the best compromise between quality and price that i’ve found. this site offers versions of jason’s mask from every film… i’m seriously considering getting a final chapter or new blood one from this site or the next one.

ruste dowg new blood mask
price: $170.00-$200.00

this site also offers masks from every film and more variations as well. these seem to be higher quality than those on the previous site, and the price reflects that. another option is ordering a mask from frightstuff.com and painting it yourself… or hiring one of the artists in their forums to paint it for you, which is where i found ruste dowg’s site.

ultra cthulhu statue
price: $224.99

who wouldn’t want a statue of one of ‘the great old ones’ on their mantle? standing 14″ tall, this is probably significantly smaller than the actual cthulhu, but looks fantastic regardless.

freddy krueger glove replica
price: $134.99

i’ve never loved freddy quite as much as jason or michael, but i have to admit that the glove is rather stylin’. far more realistic and menacing than the golf glove/plastic knife/duct tape combo i created in middle-school, this thing would look great in the living room or stuffed in your basement furnace.

texas chainsaw massacre: the beginning set
price: $24.74

you would not want this out when the in-laws stopped by. few of these toys are truly grotesque, but this one breaks that trend by being just as disturbing as the scene it was based on. i’m not sure i’d actually want to own this, but i have to admit it makes an impression and is making me want to go back and revisit the film.

day of the dead dr. tongue figure
price: $16.18

apart from the american werewolf, this is the toy i always dreamed of… but never thought would actually get made. dr. tongue is my favorite zombie of all time, but he’s only on-screen in day of the dead for five or six seconds. based on some of savini’s most imaginative work, this is the next action figure i’ll end up ordering… just as soon as it’s released later this year (or, if it follows the release schedule of the american werewolf figure, sometime around 2014).

Fan Art Field Trip: Friday the 13th (part 2)

Corey — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:39:00 +0000

my previous field trip through the mysterious world of friday the 13th fan art at deviantart.com was so much fun, i thought i’d share a few more examples i found. with no further ado, i present you with part 2 of our continuing coverage…

Jason Kitty
by ~ LadyManka

the artist states that this is jason as a “maine coon cat.” having never seen one, i can’t say for sure… but i somehow doubt a maine coon cat is blue. also, my friend cara asks… is that the blood of a victim or is jason having some sort of sanitary problem?

Jason’s New Look
by ~ FreddyJasonV

given the direction the series is headed in (i.e., uber-jason from jason x and black slug jason from jason goes to hell), this may not be such a far-fetched idea for how jason will look in the next movie.

Pretty In Pink
by ~ Cheetana

jason wouldn’t be a blonde.

Miss Jason Voorhees
by ~ pinkz5

ah, that’s better. well, actually this isn’t supposed to be jason… according to the artist’s comments, this is “jason’s hott wife.”

Darth Voorhees
by ~ ZZoMBiEXIII

this is still a better idea than casting hayden christensen.

Bob Voorhees
by ~ ZackBlaze

yep.

The Masks We Wear
by ~ agonistes666

i kinda like this — particularly the eye. it seems to be saying “hey! what are you doing looking at me! there’s some really amazing crap over to your left!”

Jason Voorhees
by * lerms

this was created for the baja international film festival. in addition, it kinda kicks ass.

Jason wins a Tournament
by * evil-ed316

jason ftw!

JASON
by ~ THEvoorhees

note the mustache. and i’m really enamored by the fact that ‘grunt’ needed its own word bubble.

Stripper Jason
by ~ JesseSchwarzenfornia

i think the fact that this didn’t phase me a bit means i’ve been looking at this stuff far too long.

Jason’s little treasure
by * Genjibunbun

from the author’s comments… “before you get all weirded out, it’s not a sexual relationship (for obvious reasons). ”

before i get weirded out? that train has already left the station, my friend.

Dance of DEATH
by ~ zarla

i really like this piece. in addition to a certain undefinable adorable-ness, it made me lol.

Down Time – Ynnep
by ~ Hack-N-Slash-Club

if you imagined freddy impregnating jason, you’d probably think that this a completely original, albeit bizarre, idea. sadly, you’d be wrong.

Jason Krueger 2.0
by ~shadow-rider2

this is what i imagine when someone says “freddy and jason together.” not the situations depicted in the previous few images.

Fan Art Field Trip: Friday the 13th

Corey — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:00:00 +0000

when you mix fandom and the interwebs, the results are unpredictable. you may end up with a beautiful work of fiction or visual art which transcends the very piece of shared pop culture that inspired it. of course, you could also end up with a crudely drawn depiction of r2-d2 having sex with chewbacca. you take your chances when you delve into the world of fan art, and this is true even with the slasher film genre. i recently took a safari through deviantart.com, using the search term “jason voorhees” as my guide. it turns out our favorite machete-wielding, hockey-obsessed psychopath has served as the muse for hundreds of visual art compositions. below you will find a few examples i found particularly awe-inspiring.

Wolvering vs. Jason
by ~ BurnZig

putting characters from vastly different universes together seems to be a common practice in the fan art sections of deviantart. apparently, so are weird pelvic positions and the misspelling of your favorite characters’ names.

JasonVsVenom
by ~ ShinJason

another marvel character vs. jason, but executed a bit better. my money would be on jason… hey, are those jason’s intestines?

Maskie
by * faillace

wtf? if you had a nightmare the first night you ate peyote and injected lsd into your eyeballs, it wouldn’t be this weird or disturbing.

Fridays Child CAMP
by ~ sicklilmonky

this reminds me of dave mckean’s work, but it’s weird and cool and i kinda like it.

Jason Love
by ~ Tyrine666

it’s almost valentine’s day, and jason needs love too. in the comments section, the artist ponders the question we’ve all asked ourselves… ” Why are sexy/sweet scenes so much easier to do with Jason than with Freddy?!”

3 Kisses for the Horror Kings
by ~ Tyrine666

another valentine’s day image from the same artist, this time with michael and freddy too. i like that jason’s mask can blush.

Jason Voorhees
by ~ data-7-panther-dude

my little jason voorhees pony? well, i think we can safely say no one ever thought of that before.

Jason Voorhees
by ~ customlpvalley

i stand corrected.

is it weird that i find it disconcerting that the the face appears to be jason from part 7 but the outfit looks like part 6?

.:He doesn’t like the water:.
by * Kristehvampire

…

words fail me.

SlashColored
by * BloodThirstyZompire

yes, that’s michael myers snuggling up to jason in bed.

that is wrong on so many levels.

Jason Voorhees Died For Sins
by ~ ScreamerClauz

???

Contest Entry: Jason Tomato
by ~ CheungKinMen

jason as a tomato. absolute genius.

Head ON a SticK
by ~ SDX-800

lol.

why didn’t i think of this when i was a kid and my sister had all those barbies?

I love you this much
by * Genjibunbun

this is what you’d dream if you did that lsd/peyote thing from earlier.

Voorhees, a Jolly Good Fellow
by * BryanBaugh

i really like this one. i particularly like that jason looks more surprised than anyone else in the picture.

Jason Voorhees
by * Unknown-person

this is my favorite of the fan art i’ve seen so far. this sooooo makes me want to see friday the 13th: the animated series.

Savini on Jason

Corey — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 19:02:07 +0000

while working on a piece about the burning, i came across this interview clip from tom savini. it seems i’m not the only one a bit confused by how jason came to be walking around killing people in part 2… his creator is as well.