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The First Victims in Horror Cinema: A Tribute

Jon — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 17:50:10 +0000

Every horror fan knows the symbolic importance of the final girl. She’s a resilient, sympathetic counter-force to the film’s antagonist. But what about those unlucky few who die first? They may not always demand our attention or stick in our memory, but they, too, have an important role to perform. If I had a 40oz adult beverage anywhere in my house, I’d pour it on the floor in their honor. Since I drank the last one last night, and it would make a mess anyway, I’ll offer this post as tribute instead.

Marion Crane, in Psycho (1960)

Hitchcock’s masterpiece has been thoroughly analyzed, reviewed, and critiqued for half a century now, but it’s still as subversive as ever. This is due in part to Hitchcock having the film’s leading lady and most recognizable star murdered halfway into the story, and after he’s made sure that we feel the appropriate amount of concern and sympathy for her plight. She’s a woman on the run, and she’s done some morally questionable things, but we want her to make it to California, put the past behind her, and start a new life. Of course, all of that becomes irrelevant after she meets Norman Bates, and her death signals a major shift, as the story now belongs to this creepy mama’s boy.

Corporal Cynthia Dietrich, in Aliens (1986)

Dietrich doesn’t command a lot of attention amongst her more demonstrative marines. Hudson is the team’s loud-mouth clown, Vasquez is their sharp-tongued badass, and Dietrich is the quiet but confident medic. After she examines Newt and declares her perfectly healthy, she ironically becomes the first victim of the aliens. The fact that the team’s medic is the very first to go is a clear sign of things to come. Soon after, they lose their commander and their pilot and are left to fend for themselves with no expectations of help or reprieve.

Jack Goodman, in An American Werewolf in London (1981)

One of the many things I love about An American Werewolf in London is the fact that it works on so many different levels. It’s a romance, a comedy, a monster movie, and a buddy film, even if one of the buddies happens to be dead and decaying at an alarming rate. Jack dies early in the story, but he is nevertheless the film’s moral conscience and its chief source of humor. His ghostly and increasingly grotesque presence reminds David not only of the tragic loss of his best friend, but of David’s own dwindling humanity.

Tina, in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The original Nightmare is, at its core, about vengeance . It’s about concerned parents taking the law into their own hands, the victim of vigilante justice having his revenge, and all sorts of past and present sins coming to light. Freddy is a pedophilic, murderous ghost, but he’s also, in some ways, a puritanical scourge who calls attention to Elm Street’s dirty little secrets and dark underbelly. It’s therefore not surprising that the sexually promiscuous Tina and her trouble-making, thug of a boyfriend are his first victims.

Judith Myers, in Halloween (1978)

The fact that Carpenter’s famous opening scene to this film is one continuous shot, that it’s from the point-of-view of the killer, and that the camera seems to probe and zoom with disembodied ease and penetration all speak to its lurid brilliance. And then there’s the way young Michael so inexplicably murders his sister. It’s a clear sign that the ordinary rules that govern character and plot have just been abandoned for something far more sinister and horrifying.

Unnamed Worker in Jurassic Park (1993)

It’s a sad, but well known fact that in the horror genre, the black guy rarely makes it to the end of the film. Visionary director Stephen Spielberg bucked this tradition in Jurassic Park by not letting the black guy make it out of the first four minutes of the film, as he’s almost immediately sucked into a metal crate by a velociraptor. Still, it’s an effective moment in the film because it’s a clear indication that those dinosaurs just aren’t going to make practical pets for rich, bourgeois tourists.

The Horrors of Garbage Pail Kids

Corey — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:46:01 +0000

most of us discovered our love of horror early in life, and the reasons for this probably aren’t that hard to determine. apart from the obvious ‘things that traumatize us as children become sources of attraction in adulthood’ concept, there’s the simple fact that the horror genre is considered somewhat taboo, and kids love things that they’re not supposed to be exposed to. films and music are the obvious childhood battlegrounds for challenging your parent’s authority, but they are far from the only ones. toys, candy and collectibles also feature items designed to gross-out parents, teachers and sensitive classmates (here’s a good list of candy examples).

from my own childhood, the item i remember most that seemed to serve no other purpose than to gross out those around you was ‘garbage pail kids’ collectible cards. designed as sort of an “eff you” to both the baseball cards our fathers once collected and, obviously, the ‘cabbage patch kid’ mania sweeping the nation in the mid 1980s, these cards were the must-have item when i was eleven. each card featured a cartoon image of a child experiencing some sort of trauma, torture, fatal injury or performing some similarly heinous act themselves. under that picture would be the child’s name, which was usually some sort of bad pun, rhyme or alliteration. a good example of this is ‘blown joan.’

there were usually two variations of each card, each with the same image but a different name (e.g. ‘blown joan’ is also known as ‘curly shirley’). the cards pretty much grossed out anyone who saw them (including the kids who bought them). which was, of course, awesome. how they were able to release images of children either in the process of dying or already dead is beyond me, but the cards were very popular through the late 1980s and early 1990s, and have actually seen a resurgence as new cards and retro releases of the originals have been produced in the last few years. i found several sites that catalog all the cards, so this weekend i spent quite a while looking through every single garbage pail kids card ever released, pulling out those that either directly reference horror films or are based heavily on horror themes. below is the fruit of that labor, so take a stroll with me down horror-nostalgia-gross-out lane…

not many of the cards directly references slasher films, but two notable exceptions are ‘slasher asher’ (aka ‘claude flesh’) and ‘hollow wayne’ (aka ‘jacqueline lantern’).

when i was a kid, having a ‘garbage pail kids’ card with your name was the ultimate in coolness (which is probably why they released at least two names for every card). unfortunately there was never a ‘corey’ card as i was growing up (the closest thing was ‘cory on the cob’), but in the new cards there are two! now if only i was eleven again, these would both go front-and-center on my trapper keeper.

if you want to look at more cards or search for your own name, the three sites below will allow you to do both of those things.

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted Part 2

Corey — Mon, 10 May 2010 17:04:30 +0000

“Darling. Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your pants in.”

~ Jack Torrence, THE SHINING

“I have come here to chew pants and kick ass… and I’m all out of pants.”

~ Nada, THEY LIVE

“He doesn’t want us to cut through our chains. He wants us to cut through our
pants!”

~ Dr. Gordon, SAW

“We traced the call! It’s coming from inside the pants!”

~ Police officer, WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

“She might have fooled me, but she didn’t fool my pants.”

~ Norman Bates, PSYCHO

“A naked American man stole my pants.”

~ Little boy, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

“We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner! We are talking about pants on two legs.”

~ Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS

part one

Bella and Jacob and the Magical Twilight Pizza Wrench

Corey — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:43:45 +0000

at this point the phrases “TWILIGHT series” and “ridiculous bullshit” are pretty much synonymous. last year i listed the top five silliest things about TWILIGHT, but that didn’t begin to scrape the surface of the levels of absurdity in that film — and didn’t even take into account the second film in the series, NEW MOON.

while NEW MOON may lack vampire baseball, it more than makes up for it in teenage angst, crappy cgi werewolves and a disturbing lack of shirts. much like TWILIGHT, the second film in the series is a bottomless barrel of foolishness, but one moment in particular stands out in my mind above all others — the magical pizza/wrench cut.

shown above on a constant, mind-numbing loop is one of the strangest editing choices i’ve ever seen. director chris weitz may have intended this as a homage to the “hey, that bone turned into a spaceship” shot from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but kubrick’s famous transition was relevant to the story, having what some might refer to as “a point.” NEW MOON‘s bizarre mid-flight transformation of a piece of pizza into a tool cannot make the same claim. while i’m guessing the intention was to show the passage of time (this shot occurs at the beginning of a montage, depicting bella and jacob’s summer long motorcycle-repair-fueled romance), why pizza turning into a wrench would signal that we’re no longer in the same day is beyond me.

i can’t help but find both film entries in the TWILIGHT saga to be “so bad they’re good.” i don’t enjoy them in spite of confusing moments like that depicted above — it’s because of them. so keep it up, TWILIGHT movies… ECLIPSE better damn well contain such bizarre interpretations of the language of film that no one can tell what the hell is going on and enough sparkly vampires to leave me optically and neurologically damaged. that is my dream, and i am confident it will come to pass.

Movies Every Horror Fan Has Seen (Except Me)

Jon — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:38:00 +0000

I’d like to think that I’m fairly well-read, but whenever I come across one of those recurring lists of “greatest books of all time,” I invariably find myself amazed at how many important milestones of literature I’ve completely neglected. Sadly, the same is true of horror films. So, in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, I present my list of films that I’m embarrassed to say I have not yet seen. Feel free to chastise me, make fun of me, or, if you feel so inclined to join me, mention a film that YOU hate to admit you’ve never seen.

1. Anaconda (1997)
I’m not sure why I’ve never seen this movie, as I recall seeing a pretty cool trailer involving a lithe and wicked-looking snake whipping around a boat. And I know that it stars some venerable actors, including Jon Voight, and that rapper who sang “Mama Said Knock You OUT.” Maybe it’s this connection to rap music that’s kept me from seeing it. Don’t’ get me wrong, I like rap as much as the next guy, but being a child of the 80s, I can’t help but think of the lyrics to “Baby Got Back” whenever I hear the word “Anaconda.” It’s just part of my subconscious now. So thank you very much Sir Mix-A-Lot. You’ve kept me from seeing what I’m sure is one of the better films ever made about a giant reptile eating Angelina Jolie’s father.

2. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
I like The Omen, The Exorcist, The Prince of Darkness, The Ninth Gate, The First Power, The Car, The Devil’s Advocate, Before the Devil Knows Your Dead, and I even kind of like Bedazzled and My Demon Lover. The first song I remember loving as a kid is Charlie Daniels’ “The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Let’s face it, the Devil is just plain interesting. Add in the fact that this is one of the seminal films from legendary and controversial director Roman Polanski, and it’s ludicrous that I haven’t seen Rosemary’s Baby. I know little about the film except that it stars Mia Farrow, so if Woody Allen is the demonic father of her onscreen hell baby, I’ll kick myself even harder for not seeing this.

3. An American Werewolf In Paris (1997)
One of the things I love about An American Werewolf In London is its strange and unsettling mixture of horror and comedy. I imagine that the Parisian sequel has even more hijinks than the original, with plenty of characters comically slipping on banana peels and whatnot. I’ll wager that the story goes something like this: a romance develops between an all-American wolf-boy and a young French waif, but their relationship is doomed after an inane but tenacious French detective stumbles upon the mutilated, half-eaten body of a well-loved mime.

4. Stir Of Echoes (1999)
This is a film I’ve had in limbo at the bottom of my Netflix queue for years now. I’ve always heard that it’s a pretty good ghost story featuring Kevin Bacon. If I remember correctly, I think the film is about an all-American town haunted by the tragic deaths of some high school kids who were drinking and driving after their box social. Kevin Bacon plays the part of a strange newcomer who must cleanse this town of its ghosts through the power of rock ‘n’ roll and the sheer force of his furious dancing.

5. Dog Soldiers (2002)
The only reason this film is on my list is because my co-writer, Corey, suggested that I include it. I have never seen a trailer for this film, read any reviews of this film, or even heard anyone mention this film until he did. So I figured it must be a film along the lines of Ginger Snaps—a really good film that somehow never got the mainstream attention it deserved. But Corey seemed amazed I’d never seen it, so it must be some kind of mega-hit that I just somehow missed. Apparently, you can even buy Dog Soldiers action figures. And, as Corey pointed out to me, there are no Ginger Snaps action figures (but I say there should be).

6. Dead Alive (aka Braindead) (1992)
Before Peter Jackson made the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I knew him from Heavenly Creatures, his superbly crafted film about the tenderness and cruelty of adolescent obsessions. Apparently, he also made splatter films about zombies and aliens, and one of them, so I’ve been told, features muppets. I REALLY hope it’s Dead Alive, because I think undead muppets would be a wonderful way to introduce kids to the delightful world of re-animated corpses ushering in the apocalypse.

7. Cujo (1983)
I’ve loved gore films since I was a kid, but I can’t stomach the idea of a dog being injured or hurt in a film. I just about had to stop watching I Am Legend because of that terrible scene involving his dog. So maybe that’s why I‘ve avoided Cujo. I also haven’t read Stephen King’s novel, so I’m really in the dark about this one. Of course, “Cujo” has now become a synonym for “vicious dog,” so I think I’ve got the gist of the story: man’s best friend turns out to be not so friendly after all. I’m pretty sure they used a St. Bernard for the film, and I imagine it’s pretty scary, as they’re big dogs, and usually very friendly and trustworthy. However, I think it would be even scarier to be attacked by a gang of very small dogs, say, beagles or pugs.

8. White Zombie (1932)
I love classic black and white horror films. I think James Whale’s Bride of Frankenstein is just as savvy and sophisticated as anything being made today. I also love zombies. So, once again, I’m at a loss as to why I’ve not yet seen what is credited as being the first zombie film. And it features the original bad-boy of horror, Bela Lugosi. I don’t know exactly what his particular role in the film entails, but I’ve seen stills of his character, and those big, bushy eyebrows and fu Manchu beard are strangely hypnotic. I’m also pretty sure that Rob Zombie’s band White Zombie took its name from this film, so I bet the immaculately coiffed Lugosi is the real inspiration for Rob’s ongoing fascination with long-haired villains, heroes, and every other character type.

9. Prom Night (1980)
I’ve heard the remake of this film really stinks. But I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t seen either one. I know that it’s an important slasher film, and I’ve heard it described as the unofficial sequel to Halloween, largely due to the fact that it features Jamie Lee Curtis as its final girl. I’m sure this film is as good as everyone says, but I don’t think you need to throw a homicidal maniac into the mix to make prom night scary. They’re inherently terrifying events, what with all those awkward teenage boys in their ill-fitting tuxedos and girls in their big, poofy, southern antebellum prom dresses. And I think 1980, in particular, must have been really tough on proms because it was a lousy year for music. Disco was still around, and a lot of music’s best and brightest tragically died in 1980, including Ian Curtis of Joy Division, Darby Darsh of the Germs, Bon Scott of AC/DC, John Bonham of Led Zeppelin, and, of course, John Lennon. And that’s horrifying enough.

10. Black Christmas (1974)
I’m especially embarrassed that I haven’t seen this one, as it’s one of those films that slasher fans constantly reference. I suppose it’s kind of like being a football fan who never watches the Superbowl. I have, however, seen Silent Night, Deadly Night, so I’m not completely in the dark when it comes to violent yuletide films. I know that Olivia Hussey stars in Black Christmas, and I think it must have killed her career. She was brilliant in her portrayal of youthful naiveté and unabashed sexuality in Franco Zeffirelli’s iconic 1968 film adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. But I don’t think her career ever really went anywhere after 1974. And this makes me wonder all the more about what horrible things Santa must have done to her in Black Christmas. I bet it involves something nasty from that big sack of toys he carries around and the repeated use of the phrase “naughty.”

The One Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins

Corey — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:24:00 +0000

hannibal lecter once said:

How do we begin to covet, Clarice?
Do we seek out things to covet?
No, we begin by coveting what we see every day.

i humbly disagree. the only thing i can see from where i’m sitting right now is a half full cherry coke bottle and an empty tape dispenser. those aren’t really the kinds of things i’m aching to possess… so i usually need to go out looking for objects of envy. like all genre fans, i collect dvds and books… but one of the more frivolous pursuits most of us horror fans have in common is the love of horror-related toys. i love movie collectibles — my desk and home are littered with things like posable michael myers action figures, a plastic hellraiser puzzle box (or ‘lament configuration,’ if you want to sound all knowledgeable and stuff) and a giant jason voorhees that screeches “ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah” when you push a button on his back. like all obsessive collectors though, there is always room for more and i often find myself searching ebay and online toy stores for the latest horror chotchke to place on my desk at work or around my tiny apartment. i rarely actually order anything, but i almost always find cool and interesting things that i just can’t quite justify spending so much money on but would buy in a second if there was no longer a need for things like food, shelter, dog biscuits or socks. so, that’s what i’m going to share with you today… some of the bitchin’-est models, action figures, replicas and horror-related odds & ends i’ve recently run across, so that we may collectively salivate over them together.

the exorcist spider walk regan action figure
price: $16.99

those who haven’t seen the exorcist: the version you’ve never seen (and really, with a name like that there’s likely to be a few) will probably wonder why you have a doll of a 12-year old girl in a night-gown doing a back-bend in your room… but screw it. that scene was freakin’ creepy and so is this figurine.

cloverfield movie monster
price: $99.99

a bit pricey at $100, but damn this toy version of clover is cool. it stands 14″ tall, comes with 10 parasites, the head of the statue of liberty and features ‘authentic sounds.’ i only hope those sounds aren’t what makes up most of the dialogue in the film, which would just be a constant loop of “rob, dude. dude. rob, hey. rob. we gotta go. rob. dude.”

alien pile statue
price: $234.99

ok, like many of items listed here — this defies any description other than “awesome!”

and they’re so cute… i imagine if these guys were your pets, they’d sit in front of the door just like this while you were at work… waiting anxiously for you to come home.

alien 400% kubrick figure
price: $67.49

i’m not sure why these lego-type versions of characters are called ‘kubricks’ (i assume it has nothing to do with stanley), but they sure are adorable. most are rather small, but this one stands almost a foot high and is based off the original giger designs for alien. this would make a terrific present for any adult sci-fi/horror fan… or a really crappy one for your five-year old nephew.

alien 18-inch classic figure
price: $49.99

ok, i’m completely getting one of these when they’re released. so few of the alien toys feature the clear dome skull (most go for the crinkly, less interesting heads used in cameron’s film). at 18-inches tall, this guy will be able to do mock-battles with my giant new blood jason voorhees, which is a big plus.

alien warrior life size replica
price: $4500.00

ok, i’m completely not getting one of these… but not for a lack of desire. the price is a bit out of my range, but holy god… when people came over to your place they’d either think you were the coolest guy in all the land… or the creepiest.

movable lament configuration
price: $419.00

one of the disappointments of owning a hellraiser puzzle box is that it’s never going to move around and make all the crazy shapes it does in the movie, nor will it open a doorway to hell. the latter is probably ok, but the former would be frickin’ awesome… well, this box comes the closest in that it will actually make the first two moves of the puzzle. hand-crafted from mahogany and etched in brass, it’s rather amazing looking as well.

puzzle box signed
price: $129.99

i’m quite fond of this box because while it may not move, it does come in the nifty display case… which would really be the only way to display it in your home. get a couple of them like dr. channard did in the film and display them next to a bloody mattress for added creepiness.

hellraiser paperweight
price: $19.99

for the budget-minded or those looking for a more modern take on the classic lament configuration, here’s a clear version. it seems to have the words ‘hellraiser’ printed on it though, which i’d prefer it didn’t.

frank figure
price: $13.99

who wouldn’t want a tiny skinnless frank in a suit, and it appears to come with frank’s trademark cigarette and switchblade as well. now if they’d only make a ‘frank strung up on hooks & chains emanating from the depths of hell’ christmas tree ornament, i’d be set.

dr. channard statue
price: $239.99

i don’t know that dr. channard was one of my favorite characters, but those tentacles coming out of his hands making flowers and razors and stuff were pretty cool. as far as mobility, he’s sorta limited by this tentacle thing attached to his head leading him around which sorta makes him hell’s yo-yo, i guess — but he’s still pretty cool.

brundle-fly statue
price: $194.99

of all the tiny statues of jeff goldblum that are out there… this is the one to have.

american werewolf 2-pack
price: $22.49

i have wanted this toy for over 20 years now… i absolutely love the design of the werewolf in an american werewolf in london, but he’s never been in toy form before. i was so disappointed when i heard years ago they’d released a figure from the film and it just ended up being one of those nazi guys from the dream sequence — what were they thinking? anyway, they finally did it right and created a werewolf/meatloaf jack two-pack, which i promptly accidentally let my fiancée know was something i couldn’t live without. inspired by pure love, i’m fairly certain that she rushed out and pre-ordered it for my birthday… over a year ago. the release date has been pushed back more times than i can remember, but i am certain that it will arrive in time for one of my birthdays in the coming years.

american werewolf life-size prop
price: $5500.00

if i won a million dollars, this would be the first thing i’d buy. not a car, house or speedboat… this. i’d sit it next to the couch and use it as an arm rest and sit my soda in its mouth… and see how many years it’d be before my dogs (and possibly my fiancée) came out from hiding under the bed.

dog soldiers figure
price: $6.93

while not as cool as the above werewolves, i quite liked the dog soldiers design as well. and at 5,493 dollars and 7 cents cheaper than the previous item… it’s quite the bargain.

trilogy of terror zuni figure
price: $88.00

while most toys are a pale imitation of what they’re based on, it’s not all that hard to make a doll version of a doll… so this is an almost perfect version of the tiny, angry dude from the 70s made-for-tv-movie. if this was sitting on my bookcase i’d have to install motion sensors in the living room to be able to sleep. just in case.

the new blood scream scene statue
price: $179.99

jason in friday the 13th part 7 has always been my favorite incarnation of the crystal lake killer. i have two figures based on him already, but i’d be happy to have another showing how he begins the film… still trapped at the bottom of crystal lake, bobbing around like a fish aquarium treasure chest.

bag head jason figure
price: $14.99

scary bag-head jason is scary. i really need to pick one of these up sometime so that i have a itty bitty version of the creepiest version of jason voorhees.

jason plush
price: $27.99

plush jason is just way too cool for school. i actually couldn’t resist and ordered one of these while working on this article…. he’s just so cute!

jason animated maquette
price: $80.99

friday the 13th: the animated series is just too fabulous of an idea to ever actually exist in our reality. this statue is likely as close as we’ll come to seeing it.

silver shampain final chapter mask
price: $110.00

these masks seem to be the best compromise between quality and price that i’ve found. this site offers versions of jason’s mask from every film… i’m seriously considering getting a final chapter or new blood one from this site or the next one.

ruste dowg new blood mask
price: $170.00-$200.00

this site also offers masks from every film and more variations as well. these seem to be higher quality than those on the previous site, and the price reflects that. another option is ordering a mask from frightstuff.com and painting it yourself… or hiring one of the artists in their forums to paint it for you, which is where i found ruste dowg’s site.

ultra cthulhu statue
price: $224.99

who wouldn’t want a statue of one of ‘the great old ones’ on their mantle? standing 14″ tall, this is probably significantly smaller than the actual cthulhu, but looks fantastic regardless.

freddy krueger glove replica
price: $134.99

i’ve never loved freddy quite as much as jason or michael, but i have to admit that the glove is rather stylin’. far more realistic and menacing than the golf glove/plastic knife/duct tape combo i created in middle-school, this thing would look great in the living room or stuffed in your basement furnace.

texas chainsaw massacre: the beginning set
price: $24.74

you would not want this out when the in-laws stopped by. few of these toys are truly grotesque, but this one breaks that trend by being just as disturbing as the scene it was based on. i’m not sure i’d actually want to own this, but i have to admit it makes an impression and is making me want to go back and revisit the film.

day of the dead dr. tongue figure
price: $16.18

apart from the american werewolf, this is the toy i always dreamed of… but never thought would actually get made. dr. tongue is my favorite zombie of all time, but he’s only on-screen in day of the dead for five or six seconds. based on some of savini’s most imaginative work, this is the next action figure i’ll end up ordering… just as soon as it’s released later this year (or, if it follows the release schedule of the american werewolf figure, sometime around 2014).

Corey’s 11 Favorite Werewolves

Corey — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 03:54:00 +0000

*click images to enlarge*
*click text links for images*

of all the classic movie monsters, i’ve always felt the werewolf to be the least well represented in modern cinema. while abundant, the visual representations of lycanthropes in movies have usually left me disappointed. they’re either not monstrous enough (wolf), too cgi’d (van helsing, cursed), or just too damn silly (silver bullet, big bad wolf, werewolf, etc.). there are a few exceptions however, so below you will find my 11 personal favorite werewolves. this is not a list of my favorite werewolf films… it’s a list of my favorite visual representations of the monster itself. therefore, some good werewolf movies didn’t make this list since they contained a mediocre creature and some not-so-great films are on the list solely due to their quality lycanthrope design. i’m no authority on the genre, so please leave a comment if a particularly interesting werewolf instance seems to be missing; it’s exclusion is likely because i just haven’t seen it yet.

11. the nightmare before christmas

it was going to be a top 10 list, then i remembered this guy. the wolfman look (human physique, clothes, bipedal) almost always looks silly, but when rendered in clay it really works and comes far closer to being scary than most live-action wolfmen. in burton’s masterpiece the wolfman barely gets any screen time, but he’s always been one of my favorite characters in the film… and right now i’m wondering why i don’t have an action figure of the little guy.

10. waxwork

waxwork is one of those rare franchises where the sequel is actually superior to the original. however, this little horror/teen comedy combo still has a lot going for it. the werewolf sequence in the film is only about 5 minutes long, but i always found it memorable because it showcases john rhys-davies, the guy who played bobby on twin peaks and a kick-ass monster. the scene is a perfect mix of comedy and grotesque horror that the rest of the film rarely lives up to. the werewolf itself isn’t particularly unique and often appears a bit rubbery, but there’s just something about it i like. perhaps its the menace it shows as it towers over the other characters or the attitude it shows when it brushes off its shoulder after getting hit with a chair… but most likely it’s because i always have to audibly say “ooooh! damn!” when it rips that guy in half (see below).

9. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban

in the third harry potter movie we meet the first werewolf in the series, professor lupin (you could argue that sirius black, who can transform into a dog, might qualify but my girlfriend informs me that you would be wrong). the irony of a guy named lupin getting bit by a werewolf seems lost on the other characters, but i suppose ‘professor wolfmanlonchaneylunarhairgrowth’ might have been a bit too on the nose.

some have criticized the wolf design as being too lanky and i’ve even seen it compared to a elongated chihuahua, but i find lupin rather unique and beautiful among lycanthropes. there’s something gothic and sad about his look and body movements, and while he’s not the most terrifying of monsters, he’s certainly a fastincating and tragic take on the werewolf legend.

8. thriller

it speaks to the quality of this video that no matter what depths michael jackson sinks to, thriller remains one of the greatest music videos ever made. featuring the team of director john landis and fx master rick baker (both fresh off american werewolf), it’s no surprise the werewolf/zombie designs are amazing even 25 years later. the transformation sequence is legitimately scary and the resulting monster is surprisingly effective given the letter jacket wearing wolfman design highly reminiscent of michael landon’s creature form from i was a teenage werewolf.

7. fright night

oh, how i love fright night. i love roddy mcdowall as the vampire killer, peter vincent… but nothing can top the scene-chewing performance by evil ed (played by future gay porn star, stephen geoffreys).

“oh, you’re so COOL, brewster.”

now some may challenge my assertion that evil ed is a werewolf because the movie is obviously about vampires and ed clearly is one. he was bitten by the disco-loving dracula-esque metrosexual vampire, jerry dandridge… crosses hurt him… and he calls himself a vampire. however, he does have the ability to turn into a wolf and goes through a rather dramatic de-transformation scene from his wolf form. i don’t know if that qualifies him as a traditional, lunar scheduled, died-in-the-wool werewolf… but, as they say, it’s good enough for government work. regardless of what you call it, i love the look of the monster as ed is dying and i wish we could have seen more of that creature in the film.

6. bad moon

it’s been a long time since i’ve seen bad moon, but what i remember is that the story was pretty good and the werewolf was great. i prefer quadraped wolf designs, but those are rare and bad moon uses the common bipedal design to great effect. the wolf is big, scary, physical (not cgi except briefly during the morph sequence below) and it has a really really big mouth. the film itself was also obviously made by dog lovers (like me) since we get lots of dog vs werewolf battles where the dog puts up a good fight and isn’t just a snaugage on legs (see next film).

5. ginger snaps

ginger snaps is probably my second favorite werewolf film due to its metaphoric storytelling, engaging actors and unique monster design. the story does seem to have something against dogs though as more canines are killed in the film than anything else and none seem remotely capable of standing up to a werewolf. the film itself is a coming-of-age story dealing with femininity, puberty and social pressures told through the prism of a classic monster movie (the sequel follows a similar trend but instead uses the werewolf legend as a metaphor for addiction). the character of ginger may be cuter in human form than the other werewolves on this list (mostly due to her innate talent at not being a hairy, sweaty man or michael jackson), but as a wolf she’s terrifying. the creature is a quadraped, bizarrely hairless and almost albino looking; all of which is a refreshing change from the typical brown hairball look we’re used to.

4. dog soldiers

unlike most movies dealing with werewolves, this one delivers exactly what you want. the premise is ‘soldiers vs. werewolves’ and you get that and so much more. action, laughs and scares are all delivered at a feverish pace… and the lycanthropes look great on top of all that. again the monsters are bipedal, but it works here since, despite being monstrous and bloodthirsty, the creatures seem to be as intelligent as the soldiers they’re fighting. the movie itself is surprisingly good, remarkably well-executed and incredibly british. it leaves you wanting more but thankfully there’s a sequel (dog soldiers: fresh meat) currently in the works…

3. the company of wolves

this is another one i haven’t seen in years but remember liking quite a bit. the surreal fairy-tale mood may not appeal to all, but this film has the best transformation sequences from any film i’ve seen. in one the wolf literally crawls out of the mouth of its human form while in another (shown below), the creature rips off its human skin and then changes form with all of its bones, sinew and muscle tissue showing. rewatching that scene, its actually better than i remember and its definitely something i plan on netflixing up soon to see again in its entirety.

2. the howling

despite numerous sequels and imitations, the original the howling still contains the best instance of the bipedal werewolf. this isn’t surprising given it lists both rick baker and rob bottin in the effects credits and its directed by joe dante. the transformation scene is (in my opinion) superior to the one shown in next film on our list, although that’s probably contrary to popular opinion. the werewolves themselves are ferocious and possess a certain demonic presence (with the exception of the yorkshire terrier version from the film’s final moments). it’s worth noting that the film’s sequels contain some of the worst instances of werewolf designs, particularly the bigfoot looking wolfman from part 2 and bizarre marsupial and nun versions from part 3.

1. an american werewolf in london

ah… an american werewolf in london. my favorite werewolf and my favorite werewolf movie. john landis’ unprecedented combination of horror and comedy likely shocked audiences expecting something in the same tone as animal house… but after growing a cult following once released on vhs, few horror fans can hide their affection for this film now. rick baker’s monster design is, in my mind, the perfect werewolf. far closer to wolf than man, it runs on all fours and seems to lack any human compassion or reasoning ability, instead relying on pure instinct and an insatiable appetite. the much-discussed transformation sequence is startling and brilliant, but i must admit to occasionally finding it a bit silly (particularly when david is lying on his back, covered in fur everywhere except his face, looking more like a brown teletubby than anything else), but once the wolf features begin showing in his face it drops any comic effect. the kills are bloody and the monster itself is the scariest animal monster i’ve ever seen. if hell needed a guard dog, this is what it would look like. i only wish the technology had existed to see the monster more mobile, but the quick cuts to close-ups of its face and upper torso are effective regardless. its a shame the sequel abandoned this design and went for something more traditional and far less effective.

Honorable Mention:

“give me a keg of beer… and these.”