My name is Russ Thorn. You probably know me as the driller killer from Slumber Party Massacre, but lesser known are my many, many works of poetic literature, including Taladro Bella, my collection of Petrarchan love sonnets. Petrarch liked to compare love with warfare and affliction, and he dedicated all of his sonnets to Laura, the object of his unrequited love. Petrarch knew that while noble, love isn’t for the faint of heart. My sonnets are dedicated to Trish, the beautiful slumber party hostess. It takes a lot of love to write something like this. You know you want it. You’ll love it. Yes…
Sonnet #929, by Russ Thorn (for Trish)
I thought of you, my dear, after today’s horoscope:
“Your power with the opposite sex will get you ahead.”
This is wonderful, because I love your pretty head.
So this is the day, the hour, the moment when my hope
in love will be found, as if seen through the scope
of a high-powered rifle. I see your friends asleep in bed.
But you’re the prettiest by far, so I choose you instead.
Now my heart, my darling, is racing, as if down a slope.
Think of me as your love burglar. I’ll enter your heart,
as if it were a low-rent apartment. With my steel-tipped quill
I’ll write my poems across your skull. It takes lots of skill
to love this well. Even while flowers are ripped apart
by clippers, they know they want it. Affection can sometimes kill.
Any man can make love to you, but only I can do it with a drill.