I admit that I’m really an old-fashioned kind of guy. I listen to the radio, I teach poetry using an old-fashioned chalkboard, and I even get most of my news from the newspaper. Some days, I feel like an analog fossil. So I’ve been racking my brain about how to reconcile my love of all things linear and static with the expediency of blogging in a fast-paced, hyperlinked Web 2.0 world. And I think I’ve found the solution: haiku. It’s an art form that is perfectly suited for combining the durability of print with the ephemeral nature of digital media. I am therefore presenting my first of many “haiku reviews” of contemporary horror films. I’ve got a substantial backlist of films that I’m eager to review, but I’m happy to take any requests left in the comment field.

Michael needs a hug
after killing dad. He’s still
evil on two legs.

Halloween (2007)

Special forces dad
turns tables with dogs and bow.
In woods, bullies die.

Wilderness (2006)

“They all taste the same”?
Cheerleaders, convicts, who cares?
Andre is boring.

Andre the Butcher (2005)

Johnny Cash sings. Hell
has no room. Zombies are back,
better than before.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)