Review – Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

2007

theatrical trailer

ok, wrong turn 2: dead end. we’re going to look at this film in a bit of detail, but if you want to save some time — here’s the short review:

wrong turn is a good movie because it was created by people with interesting ideas who should be commended for their efforts. wrong turn 2 is a bad movie because it was created by people with horrible ideas who should be poked with poking sticks until they’re really annoyed and promise to never ruin another horror franchise again.

do you remember those little star wars read-a-long record books from when you were a kid? you’d put the record on your fisher price player and read along with it in the book… and they’d always start with “turn the page when you hear r2-d2 make this sound … boop beep boop boop.” i loved those things.

anyway… here’s an analogy. wrong turn is to wrong turn 2: dead end as star wars the film is to a star wars read-a-long book. that may require some unpacking, so here it is. the star wars book is essentially the same story as the film… but it’s fundamentally a different experience. you don’t get anywhere near the same atmosphere, acting talent, special effects or (most importantly) emotional impact as you do in the film despite all the characters and plot being present and accounted for. the same holds true for wrong turn 2.

let’s start with our protagonists. below you can see the primary groups of kids we’re to identify with in each film. on the left we have the unfortunate band of travelers from the original wrong turn; on the left the group that serves the same purpose in wrong turn 2.

** click screenshots for larger versions **


wrong turn

wrong turn 2


despite the goofy look (which i love) on the far right guy’s face, it may be hard to discern the fundamental difference between these two groups from just a screenshot. if so, let me just tell it to you. when watching wrong turn, you will genuinely care about the characters on the left (well, maybe not jeremy sisto’s whiny fiance). i can think of few other slasher films where the characters are so likable and intelligent. instead of screaming “no, don’t go down in the basement!”, you’ll be cheering them on, applauding their resourcefulness and actually hoping they’ll survive at the end. contrast this with the characters on the right. from the moment they’re introduced you won’t just become happy at the thought of their untimely deaths… you’ll be actively annoyed with each second that passes where someone doesn’t flay them alive and then jump up and down on the squishy bits that remain. and at the top of that list is jonesy.


jonesy


oh, how i hate this character. he makes borat seem like a realistic and sympathetic portrayal of the typical male. he makes stiffler seem like holden caulfield. my god, jonesy… if only these inbred cannibalistic hill-billy’s could have killed and eaten you more than once.

you may have noticed that jonesy has a little thing-a-ma-jig on his ear. that stylish ear-piece brings us to one of the more ridiculous aspects of this film — its premise. not only are these characters horribly unlikable, they’re also contestants on a reality tv show. that thing on jonesy’s ear is supposed to be a camera/microphone used in filming a show called the apocalypse. this show is exactly like survivor except for the fact that it’s lame. the only thing it has going for it is its host, henry rollins. which means…



they get a bad-ass truck with a huge photo of henry rollins on the side! hell yeah! this truck is my favorite thing about this movie. i covet this truck. i can just imagine truckin’ around the dc beltway in this bad boy… wind in my hair… envy of all that see me. i’d have some kickin’ song on the radio (something with a really rad bass line) and as people passed by i’d point my fingers in their direction, make a little ‘chk chk’ clicking sound and give ’em a little wink.

anyway, yeah. the apocalypse. if this show actually existed, it would be horrible. perhaps worse than this movie. maybe even worse than moonlight. first of all, i understand that the common film viewer doesn’t have intimate knowledge of how reality shows are produced — but i think we all know they’re not done like this. to shoot a full episode of survivor, you don’t put cameras on each contestant’s head. can you imagine a show cut together almost exclusively from footage shot from people’s ear lobes?

ignoring the technical logistics, the show still makes little sense. the premise, as best i can figure, is this. the six contestants are let loose in the west virginia wilderness with the goal of surviving for 5 days. each person is given a little radiation badge (see below left), one of which is actually ‘radioactive’ (you cannot tell which without sticking it into a little electronic doohickey). there are also dozens of little devices called ‘twists of fate’ (see below right) spread throughout the woods which have a proximity sensor. if you set one off, you have a time limit to complete the goal it gives you or you are eliminated from the game. if you complete the goal, you are allowed to give your radiation badge to another player therefore ensuring you survive the day.



in the one example the film gives us, a girl sets off one of the sensors and is given 2 minutes to crawl to the end of a log and retrieve a flag (see below).

thrilling.

i can only imagine how exciting that would if i could see her crawling unfold all from the point of view of her hair barrette. and i get chills just thinking about the elimination round at the end of each episode as each contestant steps forward to place their plastic badge in a cheap plastic card reader to see if they’ve been sent packing. that’s such a better idea than the survivor tribal council… or flavor flav’s “you know what time it is” clock distribution ceremony.



of course, very little of the game show actually gets played out as it’s not long before a bunch of cannibalistic humanoid above-ground dwellers descend upon our contestants (and host, henry rollins) and ruin the whole damn shooting schedule. since all but one of the monstrous creepy dudes was killed in the first movie, for the most part we’re treated to a whole new family of good, god-fearing southern folk.


brother
wrong turn 2

sister
wrong turn 2


are we really supposed to be scared by these two? are these really the replacements for those terrifying monstrosities from the original film? and it’s not just them. we get a whole clan of lame imitations of the horrors stan winston so convincingly brought to life in the original film.


saw-tooth
wrong turn

dad
wrong turn 2

3-finger
wrong turn

3-finger
wrong turn 2

old timer
wrong turn

old timer
wrong turn 2


if you look at the screenshots above closely, i think you can begin to see what i believe is the biggest flaw of the film.

the atmosphere.

wrong turn had a rather mediocre plot accentuated with likable characters. but what it really had going for it was it oozed atmosphere in a way few films do. look at the picture of ‘old timer’ on the left. that guy is dirty. dirty in a way few humans ever achieve. everything in the shot just screams “do not touch” in a way only things in the deep south can. apart from the opening scenes where we see our characters in the safety of their clean, modern automobiles, every moment in wrong turn feels like this.

now contrast that with the guy on the right — the same character, but in the sequel. compared to the one on the left, this guy is the epitome of hygiene. maybe not the guy you want to see sitting at the table when you show up for a blind date, but certainly a guy you wouldn’t mind showing you the best fishing spots in the area. you can see the same thing in the pictures of 3-finger from each film. it seems that in the years since almost being burned alive in the first film, 3-finger has discovered the power of hair conditioner and moisturizing.

i actually found it hard to find close-up shots of the monsters from the original wrong turn dvd, while it was an easy exercise with the sequel. only after going through the dvds looking for images did i realize how carefully constructed the original film is and how long they take to reveal (even partially) what the creatures look like. in contrast, the sequel is thrown together clumsily, showing the monsters early and frequently with no attempt to use lighting or camera angles to convey a sense of menace.

for whatever reason (art design, direction, writing, or acting), the monsters just don’t have the same fear-inducing capacities as in the original film. remember how creepy it was when 3-finger would laugh and hold his knife out at an odd angle, dancing towards eliza dushku like a demented marionette? or how scared you were during the scene where they’re hiding under the bed while the family returns home to finish dismembering lindy booth’s character? or how anxious you were when the spring on the screen door is cutting our hero’s hand to ribbons as he holds it in an effort to stop the noise as everyone else sneaks out? this sequel will elicit none of those emotions, despite using basically the same plot and even raising the level of violence. it reflects poorly on this film that what i gained most from watching it was a new appreciation for its predecessor.

that isn’t to say there’s nothing to enjoy here. unlike the original film which relied heavily on realistic violence, the gore here is taken to ridiculous, comical levels. you won’t find the intensity or suspense of wrong turn here… but you will find yourself gasping and laughing as what you know of biology and physics is completely disregarded in (often successful) attempts to grab your attention. below is an example of what i’m referring to. this short sequence is taken from the first five minutes of the film, so little of the plot will be ruined by watching it. beware though… this is some gruesome (albeit implausible) wackiness.



in defense of the film’s script, it does attempt some clever ideas. the rather stereotypically-wholesome nuclear family of the cannibals (mother, father, children, grandchild) is contrasted with the completely dysfunctional “family” of the contestants who all despise each other. the contestants are forced to pull together and understand each other in order to survive while the cannibals family begins to disintegrate. while somewhat interesting, this idea quickly falls apart as the contestants are quickly whittled down to a number less than family-sized due to the innate structure of this genre (only 1 or 2 characters can survive according to the typical slasher formula).

the script also tries to play against expectation, to occasionally disastrous results. the girl that’s setup as the sympathetic and wholesome “final girl” is killed almost immediately while the hateful bitch character becomes the focus of the story. as happy as i am to have a film refuse to be predictable, there is a reason the likable girl we spend time getting to know usually survives far into the movie — people enjoy watching likable people. they also like cheering for the uber-bitch character to get decapitated as soon as possible. what they don’t like is watching a character they’ve begun to identify with die unceremoniously and then being forced to watch a character they have no affection for trudge through the final hour of the film.

for the most part, the script sticks to less original ideas and either puts forward unwanted explanations or blatantly steals from better films. for example…



wow, i’ve never seen a dinner scene where a girl is bound to a chair at the head of the table and tortured by an insane family. and…



i really needed to know that our cannibal family wasn’t simply the results of a century’s worth of inbreeding and seclusion from the rest of society as i’d assumed… they were actually created in the 1970s when a paper mill dumped a few cannisters of chemical waste into the nearby stream! in case it wasn’t obvious, they helpfully spelled it out (literally) by having it state ‘warning: may cause birth defects’ on the cannister.

additionally, there are really odd moments reflecting back on the reality tv show angle that seem out of place or just don’t work. at one point henry rollins (playing an ex-marine) discovers the dead body of one of the female contestants. his reaction is to kneel down and snap off her ‘radiation’ badge necklace and put it in his pocket. i assume this is a reference to removing dogtags in a time of war… but apart from that, what the hell is he doing? i think it’s safe to say the game is over and her fake game badge won’t really be all that useful.

then there’s the scene where (also, with little reason) one of the cannibals removes a contestant’s camera headset and wears it around his neck. while this does lead to a briefly effective scene where we can see that the killer is coming up behind a technician on his own monitor, for the most part it ruins the suspense in the scenes in which it’s used. how suspenseful would it be if the shark in jaws had a camera mounted on its head so you could always see where it was?

while i would say wrong turn 2 is well worth watching for the over-the-top kills and henry rollins running through the woods like a bad-ass, blowing people up with arrow-mounted dynamite… i have to say my favorite part of the dvd was the seeing the trailer for lake placid 2. a sequel to another film i love that i hope won’t be as disappointing as this one.



Corey on The Burning

1981


theatrical trailer

i like the burning. hidden in the shadow of friday the 13th, it’s often overlooked and certainly underrated. this is partly because it’s always been a difficult film to find, something that still holds true to this day. despite pre-ordering it, it still took me two weeks to actually obtain a copy through any of the big online retailers and i have yet to see a copy on the shelves of any brick/mortar store in my area.

obtain it i did, however. as is often the case, the film is not nearly as remarkable as i remember it from my youth, but that isn’t to say it isn’t still quite a good film. there are a few reasons this film will never be on the same level as some of the more well known slashers from the same era, but it may not immediately be apparent why. after all, it has quite a few things in its favor.

for one, tom savini turned down friday the 13th part 2 to do the effects for this film. the importance of his involvement can’t be overstated, although the producers did make a valiant attempt to do so by giving him two separate credits in the film (“special make-up effects by” and “horror sequences by”). while the burning may not exemplify the absolute best of savini’s work, it certainly does showcase him at the top of his game as each death is more effective and gruesome than the last. each sequence leaves you wondering just how it was accomplished, a quality that few other makeup artists accomplish in their work as regularly as savini.

talent is also in no short supply when it comes to the cast. brian backer (‘rat’ from fast times at ridgemont high), fisher stevens (hackers, short circuit, and … super mario bros.) and jason alexander (seinfeld) all have starring roles. holly hunter even pops up in the supporting cast. perhaps none of those are as impressive as kevin bacon (friday the 13th) or johnny depp (a nightmare on elm st.), but together that’s more acting talent in one place than can be found in any other slasher from this era.

giving it a bit of reality-based creepiness, the film is based on an actual urban legend, that of the cropsy maniac. just like friday the 13th and elm st., it’s a simple, classic revenge tale of a particularly nasty variety and the simplicity of the story serves the film well.

finally, the film does something that few other campground slashers attempt — it actually has kids at the camp. with the exception of part 6, none of the friday films feature actual campers (and none actually harm children) — most commonly we see counselors prepping for the kid’s arrival. sleepaway camp is another example where actual campers are used, but even that keeps the majority of the violence away from the children. this is not true in the burning. while the ‘children’ killed in the film are actually portrayed by actors older than most real-life counselors, they are killed rather mercilessly. other, much younger campers do ultimately escape cropsy’s sheers but are frequently shown very much in harm’s way or sobbing in mortal terror.

given all the blood, sitcom stars and crying children, one would think this has to be the greatest slasher film ever made. one would be wrong. while the film has many notable qualities, it fails to deliver some of the more basic ingredients of the slasher film formula.

for one… the killer’s name. there are many names that have the potential to instill fear… ‘cropsy’ is not one of them.

secondly, while it would be ludicrous to demand a completely logical back story and motivation for the killer in such a film as this, we do expect a certain degree of consistency and logic to the killer’s actions. there is little of that here. in a typical revenge story one would seek revenge on the person or persons who had done the wrong-doing… here cropsy seems to simply blame anyone within a 10 mile radius of where the event occurred. jason follows a similar pattern when it comes to crystal lake, so i can’t criticize cropsy too much for this behavior, but that’s not the only pattern of killing he shows. the very first kill is bizarrely out of place for a campground slasher such as this as it takes place in the city, detouring more into taxi driver territory than friday the 13th. cropsy kills a prostitute for no discernible character reason. the only possible explanation is producer interference in an attempt to keep the bodycount high.

the kills themselves are usually well executed, and some even seem to contain some intentional subtext such as the image below which, when this angle was shown (i.e., garden shears being thrust at kneeling female victim from between the attacker’s legs), jon stated “it doesn’t get much clearer than that.”

** click screenshots for larger versions **



despite the effectiveness of the kills, i question the pov shots which accompany them. in all of the shots from the killer’s point of view, the camera gets an odd blur around the edges, perhaps in an attempt to show the killer’s vision is obstructed from burn scars. regardless, i’m not sure it’s effective at conveying anything other than ‘oh, the camera guy smeared some vaseline on the lens – that must be hard to get off.’



the film still fails to deliver in other essential aspects of the genre beyond the killer himself. a film such as this does not require multi-dimensional characters nor david mamet-ian dialogue, but it does demand likable (if ultimately superficial) characters. despite the talent of the cast, these characters are as unlikable as they come. the film asks that you most closely identify with a awkward peeping tom, an attempted date rapist and a counselor whose most intriguing character trait is not being able to keep his shirt buttoned. any chance these characters could be interesting is lost when the film seems to forget its genre for about 45 minutes and turns into an pale imitation of a slap-stick summer camp comedy (e.g., meatballs), complete with peashooters, teen boys mooning, canoe races set to banjo music, and a camper’s bizarre refusal to pay another camper for condoms due to their lack of lubrication.

apart from the lubed rubber transaction, one of the oddest dialogue exchanges occurs between the peeping tom and the irritatingly wooden counselor. the peeping tom has just been caught stealing a look at a naked co-ed in the showers, and the counselor demands to know why. one would think such behavior would require no explanation, but the peeping tom launches into two possible explanations for his desire to look at boobies. 1) revenge on the girl’s boyfriend and 2) everyone picks on me. the counselor seems to accept the logic that being made fun of by one’s peers leads to uncontrollable leering in the girl’s shower room, and the scene ends with a healthy pat on the back and smiles all around.

after someone reminds the director that he’s making a horror film, the film does make up for the previous hour’s banality with what is commonly known as ‘the raft sequence.’ through the magic of dvd this very effective scene is made far more so by the inclusion of the gorier bits that were cut out of most previous releases. in isolation, the scene is far less frightening than in context, but i include it here regardless for those that wish to review it. i’d suggest not watching it if you’ve yet to see the film in its entirety and plan to do so.



the film’s biggest break from the slasher formula comes in the last act. i would like to suggest that the burning contains the worst ‘final girl’ from the early days of slasher films, and quite possibly the worst ‘final girl’ in all of slasher history.

todd.

imagine if bob from halloween had survived being nailed to a cabinet with a kitchen knife and had taken laurie strode’s place in the final third of the film. furthermore, imagine bob wearing really tight pants and losing another button from his shirt every ten minutes. imagine bob running around expressionless, his hands on hips while the haunting halloween theme has been replaced by cheesy 80s keyboard music. finally, imagine that an aggressively ill sea turtle with mild to moderate epilepsy was hired to edit the last 20 minutes of the film. if you can keep all that in the transit of your mind simultaneously, then you’re pretty close to envisioning the finale of the burning.

below you can see todd chronologically throughout the last third of the film as his neckline plunges lower and lower. in the first picture we see counselor todd yelling at one of his less obedient campers. it’s worth noting that in this scene the actor playing todd is 28 years old; the actor playing the camper is 29. while it’s obvious from the photos that todd is not unattractive, he is no jamie lee curtis. nor is he amy steel. not only does he lack the anatomical parts to qualify as a final girl… he was apparently also last in line for charm, likability and common sense. as you can see in shots 2 and 3, todd’s belt possesses far more charisma than todd could possibly muster.

in addition to being a rather boring male, i’d also like to point out one more large (although easily missed) flaw in the character of todd. if you read the film carefully, you must accept the conclusion that todd isn’t just uncharismatic — he’s likely a sociopath. while this might normally make a character more interesting, in todd’s case it just makes him unbelievable in addition to being uninteresting. let me explain…

cropsy was burned alive accidentally by a group of campers 5-10 years prior to main story of the burning. by this time, cropsy has become an urban legend. we get to see counselor todd telling cropsy’s story to the young campers around a campfire in an attempt to scare them…

only problem was, the gag went wrong. the next thing anyone knows, cropsy’s trapped alive and burning in his bunk. they try to get him out but the fire’s so fierce they can’t reach him. all they can do is stand outside and listen to him cry out in agony. they say he smashed his way through the bunk room door, just a mass of flames. and as he screamed out, burned alive, he cried out, "I will return, I will have my revenge." they never found his body. he survived. he lives on whatever he can catch. eats them raw. alive. no longer human. right now, he’s out there. watching. waiting. don’t look, he’ll see you. don’t move, he’ll hear you. don’t breathe… you’re dead!

with that last line, one of the other counselors jumps out in a mask and scares all the little kids poopless. this same scene occurs almost verbatim in friday the 13th part 2, and variations of it occur frequently in slasher films since. the problem i have with this scene is that in the film’s climax we learn that todd isn’t just some random counselor… he’s one of the kid’s that burned cropsy alive. that means that just a few years after setting another human being on fire, todd not only decides he wants to work where the tragedy occurred — but he uses the story that he not only knows is real, but was personally responsible for, as entertainment (going so far as to include the actual name of the victim). unless todd was so traumatized by the event that he blocked it out (there is no evidence supporting this idea within the film) and honestly believes it is nothing more than a story, then i see no explanation other than todd feels no guilt for almost murdering an innocent man.

ok, so the final girl is a lame, uninteresting sociopathic man with a fuzzy chest and the killer is a crispy critter with goop around his eyes… but the ending is still exciting, isn’t it? well, not really. savini’s sculpture for cropsy is certainly nice, as is cropsy’s final demise… but the editing of the final scene is so distractingly confusing and contains so many continuity mistakes that it castrates any effectveness the scene may have potentially had. for example:

in what is obviously a producer’s tinkering to add more ‘jolts’ to the climax, the scene has been cut together as to give the impression that when todd looks though a doorway in the abandoned mining building, he sees one of cropsy’s earlier victims nailed to the wall. unfortunately, it’s clear that all they’ve done is intercut a shot of todd looking with a still image from the earlier death scene. further, since the image is of a girl nailed to a tree (and there are no trees inside this concrete building), they’ve simply blacked out the sides of the image in an attempt to obscure the forest. anyone who’s seen a still image cut into a film knows how poorly it matches… but the black edges leave you with the impression that todd just got really scared by a poorly lit poster hanging on a dorm room wall.



in another part of the scene cropsy is seen advancing towards todd holding a flame thrower with both hands. then it cuts immediately to a reaction shot from another character across the room who has been secured to the wall with cropsy’s shears. the problem is that the reaction shot is obviously being reused from earlier in the scene as cropsy’s gloved hands are still very clearly around the character’s neck… we then cut back to cropsy, easily 20 feet away, still holding the flame thrower with both hands and still slowly advancing on todd.



i’ve spent a lot of time pointing out some of the flaws that keep cropsy from joining the prestigious ranks of jason, freddy and michael… but don’t get me wrong. the burning is a fine film. when it works, which is more often than not, it works well. it’s also interesting from a historical perspective as it is one of the earliest slashers, created during a time when the slasher film formula was incredibly popular but still a bit malleable. so, if you’re fan of vengeful burned up caretakers, guys who wear unbuttoned denim shirts with jeans or jason alexander with hair, throw the burning into your netflix queue.

The Burning (1981)

THE END

note: this article was written for the final girl film club. see more reviews of “the burning” there… as well as all the other fantabulous-ness that is stacie’s final girl blog.

Review of The Burning (1981)

While I’ll grant that Tony Maylam’s The Burning doesn’t deserve the same iconic status as Friday the 13th, it certainly warrants the attention of slasher fans who have never seen the film, or perhaps reconsideration by fans who have forgotten it. And in some ways, I think it’s actually a more interesting film.


Of course, The Burning is not without its problems. For instance, many of The Burning’s plot devices are obviously derivative of Friday the 13th — namely, a lakeside summer camp full of awkward youngsters discovering their sexuality while being methodically stalked and killed by a vengeful staff member. And The Burning does not have the same sense of terror or dread. This is partly due to The Burning’s soundtrack, which includes too much synthesized keyboards and bluegrass, and partly due to the odd pacing of the film. The now famous raft sequence is brilliantly edited, but the buildup seems too slow. But perhaps I’ve fallen victim to the MTV-generation’s demand for rapid-fire editing. Also, Cropsy may have one of the most charming names in all of slasher-dom, but he’s no no Jason. He’s no Pamela Voorhees either. I’ve always found the original Camp Crystal Lake slasher all the more terrifying because of the fact that she’s a deeply wounded mother with a grotesque sense of moral hygiene. Cropsy’s wounds, on the other hand, are really only skin-deep. They do not explain nor really punctuate his pathology. We may assume that as the camp caretaker, he’s been the frequent object of ridicule, and that his alcoholism makes him socially dysfunctional. And, of course, he has plenty to be angry about since he’s been horribly disfigured because of a teenage prank. But the film seems to deliberately go out of its way to ignore all but a rudimentary, cardboard characterization. For instance, after a long convalescence, Cropsy emerges from the burn ward of the hospital and heads straight to the nearby red light district. He didn’t have to. The film could have just as easily had him go straight to camp. The fact that the film deliberately undertakes this detour could have been the perfect opportunity to explore, if only superficially, the psychological nature of his wound. But it never develops beyond anything more than the simple fact that he’s burned and pissed off and ready to kill. Granted, that’s all motivation needed to get the film going, and I suppose there’s no need to put Cropsy on the proverbial therapist’s couch, but the film ignores possible avenues for his character development that might have added extra menace to the overall tone of the film.

However, in terms of the actual summer camp to which Cropsy naturally returns, The Burning’s Camp Stonewater is far more interesting than Friday the 13th’s Camp Crystal Lake. At times, the film gave me the impression that its writers had actually spent time at such camps—especially during the dialogues that captured that odd mix of naiveté, bravado and sexual desperation that defines teenage male psychology. And, of course, there are nude teens aplenty at Camp Stonewater, but I was startled by the number of actual children at the camp. This gave the film a certain edginess that was sometimes lacking at Camp Crystal Lake. The presence of so many children not only provided a more dramatic sense of danger, but also added the thinnest bit of realism. In fact, the premise for the film is supposedly “Cropsy the Maniac,” a story that originated at an actual summer camp and is still being told to scare youngsters around the camp fire to this very day. So the story goes, anyway.

Aside from what is actually an intriguing origin, the other interesting aspect of the film is its departure from the standard punishment themes at work in most slasher films, including Friday the 13th. First, everyone knows that slasher films feature sexually promiscuous teens who are punished by a maniac with a knife, or some other appropriately phallocentric implement of death. Fans and film critics alike have long argued that slasher films are a parody of our culture’s puritanical drive to punish. In The Burning, the title may refer less to Cropsy’s seared flesh, and more to the sexually frustrated teenagers at Camp Stonewater. They’re painfully, awkwardly, and sometimes absurdly frustrated. For instance, Glazer, the camp’s token bad boy bully, spends a good deal of the film bragging about how he can only use lubricated condoms. It turns out, however, that he can’t actually perform. Even more shocking, however, is the fact that his partner, after a few rounds of obligatory teen ridicule, actually shows the sort of compassion and concern for her partner that few maniacs would warrant punishable by slashing. Cropsy kills them both anyway. Likewise, even though Karen undoubtedly draws attention to herself as an appropriate slasher victim by engaging in some full-frontal nudity before skinny-dipping, she actually refuses to have sex with her partner Eddy. Eddy gets violent, Karen sulks off into the woods, Karen is killed, and Eddy lives. This defies all slasher logic.

Even more intriguing, however, is the absence of a final girl. Michelle is the leading candidate for that distinguished role in the film, but she’s absent in the film’s climactic final scenes. The final-role honors actually belong to two final boys. At the film’s end, Todd, Alfred, and Cropsy form a bizarre triangle that I’m still trying to fully decipher. Cropsy and Todd form a bond, of course, because it turns out that Todd was one of the children responsible for Cropsy’s accidental burning. This, I suppose, is standard revenge-theme fare, but to make matters much worse, Todd has been telling the story of Cropsy to entertain the children at camp. The fact that Todd reduces what should have been the most horrible and life-alterning moment of his life to a cheesy campfire yarn could mean that Todd has been so wounded that he’s blocked out his memories of the incident. This would also help explain his annoying and sometimes creepy “father knows best” meets "Marlboro man" attitude. He’s overacting the “good guy” role because of his repressed guilt. He does seem startled by the revelation that he’s responsible for Cropsy’s disfigurment as it all comes back to him in a series of flashbacks. But I’m inclined to believe that in actuality, Todd is as badly damaged, and just as deranged as Cropsy. And the pathology seems to be contagious. Consider, for instance, the fact that the film’s second final boy, the voyeuristic camp kid Alfred, becomes a Stonewater counselor at the film’s end and once again reduces the tragedy of Cropsy to a cheap campfire scare. Todd and Alfred can’t be called the film’s protagonists. Todd is too guilty. Alfred is too plain weird. In other words, no final girl emerges, bloodied and scared, but morally pure. Instead, The Burning offers as its partial resolution the fact that the ambivalent and strange camp culture at Stonewater will undoubtedly keep perpetuating the story of Cropsy for the sake of a good scare and campy cornball fun. And precisely because of that fact, I’d argue that Camp Stonewater embodies the essence of slasher films just as well as Camp Crystal Lake.

The Faces of Jason Voorhees: A Visual History Part I

i heart friday the 13th.

my love of these films is largely illogical. i was first introduced to them twenty years ago, which i think explains my affection to a degree. there’s something special about the films you see in the pre-teen years. regardless of how awkwardly hayden christensen delivers lines or how many gungans scream about poo-doo… i will always love star wars. there’s a part of my brain that simply won’t accept that han, leia and luke weren’t real people living in a real world filled with jedis and primitive teddy bears with spears. i imagine it’s the same part of my brain responsible for me ordering optimus prime action figures and not being able to forget the reading rainbow theme song. it’s certainly the same part that makes me love jason voorhees. i doubt i could sit through friday the 13th part VIII: jason takes manhattan if i watched it for the first time today but as it is, watching it reminds me of a time when i would defend to the death my position on who would win in a fight — jason, freddy or michael myers. a time when me and my friends would anxiously await each month’s issue of ‘fangoria’ magazine just so we would know how long until we could try to sneak into another ‘friday’ sequel at the local mall cinema. basically… a time before i discovered girls.

i recently sat through a friday the 13th marathon — every film, in order (plus one fan film). one day i’ll likely discuss each of these films in detail, but for now i’d like to focus just on the character of jason himself. i thought it’d be interesting to look at how each film treats jason physically and emotionally and how consistent his character is across the series. for each film i’m also including the original poster, trailer, miscellaneous tidbits of information, photos of jason (masked and unmasked) and my own highly subjective and easily-swayed-by-nostalgia rating.

so buckle up… this is going to take a while. i’m splitting this into several different posts because we’ve got eleven movies to trudge through here. our first visit to camp crystal lake begins in 1980 with the introduction of a little film called…



poster1
1980
part1

Friday the 13th


Taglines:

  • You may only see it once, but that will be enough.
  • A 24 hour nightmare of terror.

Jason Kill Count: 0

Story Timeline: June 12-13, 1979

Dialogue Samples:
Steve Christy: Well, hi. What are you doing out in this mess?
[Pamela stabs him]

Pamela Voorhees: [seeing Brenda’s dead body] Oh, good Lord! So young. So pretty. Oh, what monster could have done this?
Alice: Bill’s out there.



theatrical trailer
jason1nomask

The Film:
in 1957, eleven year old jason voorhees allegedly drowned in crystal lake due to the negligence of camp counselors. 22 years later jason’s mother, pamela voorhees, kills nine people at camp crystal lake who were attempting to reopen the camp. the lone survivor (alice) decapitates pamela and is then attacked by jason in the lake. it’s fairly clear this last attack is a dream/hallucination given that jason still appears to be eleven years old and alice wakes from the sequence in the back of an ambulance.

as for jason’s motivations, well… he’s dead. i’m not sure how much motivation he has. we gather that pamela raised him herself and they were both outcasts to some degree. she was very attached to him and we can assume he was completely dependent on her as well. we learn jason wasn’t a very good swimmer. we know he was horribly disfigured and likely mentally challenged. he also had a funky shaped head with no hair.

jason only appears as a flash-back and a dream in this film, and he kills no one. i imagine kids who watch this film for the first time now are a bit surprised by this as jason is not the killer — he’s a victim and serves only as a plot point. this isn’t the time for a full-blown discussion of how to define the term ‘slasher film,’ but one of the key ingredients in any definition would be the ‘past traumatic event.’ in friday the 13th, this event is jason’s drowning. it’s hard to reconcile this with where the story eventually goes in the sequels, but there is a very simple explanation for the discrepancy. no one really expected there to be sequels.







poster2
1981
part2

Friday the 13th Part II


Taglines:

  • The body count continues…
  • The day you count on for terror is not over.

Jason Kill Count: 10

Story Timeline: July 10-11, 1984 (pre-credit sequence occurs August, 1979)

Dialogue Samples:
Ginny: No, what if there is some boy-beast running around Camp Crystal Lake? Let’s try to think beyond the legend, put it in real terms. What would it be like today? Some sort of out-of-control psychopath? A frightened retard? A child trapped in a man’s body?



theatrical trailer
jason2
jason2nomask

The Film:
this one is definitely a contender for my favorite of the entire series. not only does it have some of the most creative death sequences and a very scary incarnation of jason — it has ginny, perhaps the greatest ‘final girl’ of all time. if you can ignore that the premise makes no sense and that the story contradicts almost everything that came before (and most of what comes after)… this is actually an above average sequel.

most of the action during the film takes place in 1984 (which would actually be in the future since the film was released in 1981). however, the pre-credit sequence takes place in 1979. this scene makes little effort to explain exactly what any of what we’re seeing means, but i’ll give you my best interpretation.

it’s 2 months after the events in the original friday the 13th. alice has returned to the crystal lake area in an attempt to conquer the psychological and emotional effects left from the events in june. this isn’t spelled out, but it’s really the only explanation that makes any sense (unless we wish to posit that jason walked across the country). what we see looks like a fairly developed suburban neighborhood, but it must be near crystal lake. in a phone conversation alice says that she understands her mother disagrees with her, but she’s dealing with this the only way she knows how. presumably this means returning to crystal lake.

we then see a man standing outside with rather clean shoes and jeans. back inside, alice takes a shower and the phone rings. she answers it, but hears only silence. after a rather ridiculous red herring scene with a spring-loaded cat, alice opens her refrigerator and finds pamela voorhees’ head sitting next to the milk. then jason stabs her in the head with an ice pick, moves a steaming tea kettle off a hot burner and the opening credits roll.

these events show jason as a different kind of character than the one we find in the rest of the series. this jason apparently:

  1. tracks down and finds a specific person
  2. travels across town carrying a human head
  3. makes a prank phone call
  4. sneaks into a person’s second story window
  5. hides a human head in a refrigerator so the victim knows why they are being killed
  6. moves a tea kettle off the burner

is this the same hockey-mask wearing psychopath we all know and love who seems barely capable of rudimentary reasoning? would that jason even know what a tea kettle was, let alone have the reasoning to move it off the stove so the sound doesn’t attract attention? would he know how to use a telephone or a phone book? would he be able to splinter cell himself across town without being seen while carrying a human head? is this really the same character that is fooled into thinking his mom has been resurrected when a teenager pulls on his mother’s sweater later in the same film?

for the rest of the movie, jason follows the typical behaviors we will come to expect from him. lots of stalking and killing, not a lot of thinking. he’s a great white shark… not a hannibal lecter. for this reason, the opening scene has always troubled me despite its effectiveness.

far more problematic than jason’s tracking abilities is the simple fact that he’s alive at all. he should be dead. really dead. like 22 years ago his internal organs became fish food dead. if the creators were attempting to extend the series by making the final dream sequence from the previous film be an actual event… well, that doesn’t really work. jason was 11 years old when he hopped out of the lake like a spastic zombified jack-in-the-box, and this character is clearly a grown man just two months later. i think what we are being asked to accept is this: jason did not drown in the lake. he survived and has been living alone in the woods, eating what he can find and building a rather sophisticated little cabin from what he could scavenge. for no apparent reason, he neglected to go back to his mother or anyone else for 22 years. further, we’re asked to believe that he was actually watching from the woods when pamela was beheaded and later snuck down and stole her head (while everyone was eating lunch or something) and built a little shrine around it.

given that the rest of this movie kinda rocks, i’m kinda willing to go along with all that. jason’s hockey mask is iconic, but i’ve got to say that the bag-head look is rather terrifying. i gather that many find it silly, but it always gave me the willies. jason’s actual face (only glimpsed for a moment) is less effective. despite being completely bald as a child, he now seems to be having a serious bad-hair day. apart from the hair, he does look quite a bit like the original design, so at least there’s some attempt at consistency there.

part 2 offers a drastically different kind of jason than we’re now used to, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. i think he starts to lose some of his fear-inducing abilities if we imagine him using a pay phone or struggling to carry a toilet through the woods to his shack, but if you can try to not think too hard, this ends up being one of the scariest films in the franchise.





poster3
1982
part3

Friday the 13th Part III


Taglines:

  • A New Dimension In Terror…
  • Camp Crystal Lake’s bloody legacy!

Jason Kill Count: 12

Story Timeline: July 12-13, 1984

Dialogue Samples:
Andy: God dammit, Shelly, why do you always have to be such an asshole?
Shelly: Sorry, and I’m not an asshole, I’m an actor.
Andy: Same thing.

Vera: Hey cut that out, that’s not funny!
[Jason shoots her with the speargun]



theatrical trailer
jason3
jason3b

The Film:
as friday the 13th part 3 begins, we’re still a few years in the future as this film’s story takes place in the 2 days following the previous film, making it actually take place on saturday the 14th and sunday the 15th, 1984. it’s also worth noting this is the only film in the series where no one uses the name ‘jason.’

this is the movie that kick-started that wacky 3-D craze that lasted about a month in 1982, and time has not treated it well. i recently watched it in its 2-D format as well as the headache inducing 3-D laser disc print, and neither fares very well. i’d love to see it in the theater with the original 3-D processing, but alas, i have yet to hear of such a thing being screened anywhere near me. (let me know if you’re aware of one anywhere near washington dc.)

jason’s undergone some changes here — which is strange since it’s been less than 24 hours since we last saw him. all of his hair seems to have magically disappeared (even his eyebrows), and he’s given up on the bag-head look. this is the film where we first see jason with the hockey mask, which he steals from one of the more irritating victims, shelly.

with or without the gimmicky 3-D effect, this is not a frightening film. the kills are mostly uninspired and are often just rehashes of effects tom savini did far better in the original film (e.g., the knife from under the bed). the characters aren’t just shallow and uninteresting — they’re annoying. jason’s look, from the doughy bald skin around his head to the shambling walk is less frightening than anything seen in the previous films. the only notable moments for jason are when he steals a new set of clothes (showing that he obviously cares about his appearance), his first moment donning the hockey mask he’ll forever be associated with and his death at the film’s climax. in the final scene, an axe is buried in jason’s head (placing a rather large gash in the hockey mask). as it begins to look like this has finished him off, his arms suddenly leap forward towards the final girl. this moment is very effective regardless of how many dimensions you see it in, which makes it all the more tragic that the rest of the film had to be bogged down in ridiculous, unsympathetic characters and failed attempts at suspense and scares.

there has never been a time in my life when a hockey mask did not represent friday the 13th. i’ve always been curious if audiences at the time found the mask comical initially or if it always elicited the emotions it does now. after all, if leatherface suddenly reached down and put on a football helmet, i’m not sure ‘terrifying’ is the adjective that would jump to mind.



in the next post…
hey, maybe it won’t take as long to get through this series as i thought! it looks like we only have one more to go; the aptly named conclusion of the series, friday the 13th part 4: the final chapter.

Nazi Zombies!

i recently came across a rather amazing book, shock! horror!: astounding artwork from the video nasty era. i think i’m fairly knowledgeable of ’70s and ’80s horror, but it appears i missed a rather interesting piece of history from the early 1980’s in the UK – the era of the video nasties.

when the VCR first appeared in the united kingdom, there was plenty of regulation to control the content of films during theatrical display — but little to control content when films were displayed in the home. due to a fear of piracy, major studios were reluctant to release films in the new format (similar to what we’re seeing now with downloadable video), so to fill the void low-budget studios flooded the new market producing primarily horror and soft-core porn. the laws finally caught up with the VCR in 1985, but in the preceding years neither a film’s content nor its cover art had to conform to any clear set of standards. the DPP (director of public prosecutions) list was created, which was a constantly changing list of banned tapes. seizures and destruction of tapes became a frequent occurrence.

to a large degree, the content of the films on this list is unremarkable. most are imported US or italian films and surprisingly, many of them don’t contain anything modern audiences would find particularly shocking (although there are exceptions). what is remarkable is the cover art of many of these films. to attract rentals through controversy, many of the tapes use cover art meant to titillate and shock and are usually far more effective than anything contained on the tapes inside.

shock! horror! contains a huge number of covers from this era, and i thought it would be interesting if we took a look at some of them. there are so many, however, that i’m going to break this into several posts over the next few weeks and group them into genres.

first up: zombie films


who is charles hamm? and why does he get better billing than j.r.? it’s an italian film so i’m pretty sure ‘chuck hamm’ is unlikely to be a common name. unlike a lot of the covers we’ll be looking at, i actually remember seeing this as a kid and it wasn’t bad.

that is really… gross. flesh eaters x… or maybe that x is the rating? or punctuation? regardless, that’s a pretty groovy cover. i question the choice of font colors, particularly against that background image, but then again they did warn me… nothing will prepare me for what i’ll SEE.

there is so much to love about this. every thing about it just screams ‘this forest will very likely cause you to experience fear to some degree.’ the slack-jawed fellow is really selling it. i think what i love most though is that this is a zombie movie — and i’m not sure i would have ever guessed that without looking it up.

ok, winner. hands down. i love the image of the zombie… he’s got the whole ‘hostel-asian-girl eyeball’ thing working for him. but the tagline is the clincher. ‘death was the only living thing.’ it takes a lot of talent to come up with something that poetic and nonsensical. and if that weren’t enough, it’s filmed in DEAD colour! how can anything presented in DEAD colour be bad?

another fulci zombie epic, but i haven’t seen this one. the title reminds me of the hannibal lecter line… ‘what do we covet? do we seek out things to covet? no. we begin by coveting what we see every day.’ these zombies didn’t crawl from their graves and go traveling caravan-style across the countryside to find a big city to invade… no, they were lazy and just went for the first place they saw. the house next to the cemetery.

i’m not really sure what i’m supposed to take away from this. 1879 was a really important year? bloody hands really leave a mess? rope is coming back as a fashion accessory?

blonds have more fun. and they’re dead. and they don’t center their titles very well.

this one kind of plays into the next genre i plan to tackle… nazi movies. at least i think it has something to do with nazis, since they put that swastika up there. i really feel sorry for the poor guy stuck in the middle of the desert at the brink of death who thinks he’s found salvation only to find the living dead sitting under a tree next to the pool.

are those 3 supposed to be the zombies? they look more surprised than anything else, like they just woke up and found someone stealing their stereo. in the ocean. and what’s with the tagline? we’ve already established the flesh is creeping. now you’re going to claim the flesh is living but the dead are creeping? this film is also known as zombi 4… and zombi 5.

i didn’t notice until now that there’s definitely a water theme in all these. i never knew zombies loved the water so much (altho i do have fond memories of that zombie/shark fight from zombi 2). also — zombies lake? is that possessive (i.e., this lake was bought and paid for by a zombified corpse)… or is it a lake inhabited by zombies? if the latter, wouldn’t it just be ‘zombie lake’ then? still… i really like the eric stoltz look-alike in the back, who seems to be the only one with functioning eyeballs.

i do believe someone took inspiration from a slightly more well-known zombie film’s tagline. however, i would love to see the earth ‘spit out’ a zombie. the rainbow in the corner is a nice touch… it’s comforting in a way and will probably take the edge off whatever that ‘warning’ is on the reverse. i also admire the usage of ellipses… and the sporadic use of capitalization. this is actually an alternate cover/title to fulci’s occasionally brilliant zombi 2.

The Hair of Halloween (2007)


danielle harris then & now, bloody & non-bloody

given the name of this site, it seems fitting that the first real entry be about halloween. the 1978 version is my favorite film, so i was anxious to see what rob zombie would do with it. i’m not one of those people who hates remakes… i can always go and watch the original regardless of how carelessly hollywood may treat source material that i love. while blasphemous to some, i occasionally even prefer the remakes despite my affection for the original, as in the case of dawn of the dead. therefore i went into halloween (2007) with an open mind and an honest desire to enjoy the film.

two things immediately become apparent while watching rob zombie’s re-imagining of halloween.

  1. danielle harris is really, really naked in this movie.
  2. rob zombie thinks girls like to have sex with guys with gross hair

i have to say it’s rather disturbing to see danielle harris nude in a halloween film. she was tiny 11-year old jaime in parts 4 and 5, and i’m not sure how i feel about her progressing from playing with crayons while michael tries to kill her to begging some guy for sex while michael tries to kill her. it’s also going to be very confusing and play havoc with series continuity if they decide to make halloween 9 and bring back jaime lloyd’s character.


1978 2007

young michael

young michael

old michael

old michael

boyfriend



boyfriends

dr. loomis

dr. loomis

rob zombie


those guys in american movie

as for the other thing… well, apparently rob zombie thinks that what teenage girls really want is a scrawny guy with long, greasy hair. given his own hair style, this is not a huge surprise. yet it’s a little distracting that this film apparently takes place in a reality where having hair like those guys in american movie is a prerequisite for getting laid. maybe michael had previously broken out of smith’s grove on an earlier halloween and killed all the barbers? three of the four boyfriends in this movie have ‘zombie hair’. old michael has it… young michael has it… even dr. loomis has it for half the movie (while in the 1978 film he had no hair at all). over there on the right in tabular format is a comparison of the male hair styles in both versions of the film. keep in mind that the original was made in the 1970s… a time when long greasy hair was quite common due to the still lingering hippie culture and the lack of pert plus.


the internet is currently flooded with reviews of this film, so i’ll avoid a traditional review and just focus on a few points that seem particularly salient to me. i can say that i’ve seen both the theatrical version in a packed theater and the so-called ‘work print’ easily available at the torrent tracker of your choice, and i’m sad to say that i’m rather disappointed in both versions.

i had heard that the film spent a rather large proportion of its running time explaining michael’s back story, and i was very skeptical about this approach. i can happily say that this aspect of the film surprised me, and the first hour of the film, for the most part, actually works quite well. still, there’s a lot to be said for the lack of explanation for michael’s psychosis in the 1978 film. part of the reason that opening scene is so effective is it’s clear michael’s family is your typical middle-class family whose young son just snapped and became a monster one night for little to no reason. however, seeing exactly how michael was created makes him more comprehensible and (in some ways) scarier than the emotionless evil stalking haddonfield in carpenter’s vision.

explaining michael does have a rather profound effect not just on the plot of the film but on its meaning as well. in the original film michael can be read as a metaphor for the evil that hides behind the leave it to beaver fascade of suburban america. when you remove michael’s middle-class beginnings and instead make it clear that his abusive environment is largely responsible for his psychotic break, carpenter’s metaphor breaks down and your film is fundamentally a different story. this is one of the many reasons that the last third of the film fails. the first two thirds dictate a different direction than where the original film went, yet the director attempts to force the same story where it doesn’t belong. due to the length of the back-story, the last third of the film is an accelerated version of the original film. this is a horrible idea when the material you’re trying to condense relies almost completely on slow building suspense and a sense of dread.

ultimately the film fails to deliver because rob zombie can’t direct suspense. he’s a fantastic visual artist and can direct action sequences fabulously, but he doesn’t understand how to elicit fear. he resorts to staccato, music video editing when the scene calls for something more hitchcockian and he forgets the importance of conveying geography during a chase scene. in the theatrical version’s climax, it’s difficult to tell where the threat is in relation to the victim. the result is that what should be an exciting sequence becomes frustrating and tiring.

today’s audiences are more sophisticated than hollywood gives them credit for, partly due to rise of the dvd format. we’ve all seen ‘deleted scenes’ and ‘alternate endings’ to our favorite films on dvd and we’ve all seen different versions of the same film, even if only by seeing a film in the theater and then seeing the ‘director’s cut’ or ‘unrated version’ when it hit dvd. i’d like to suggest that modern audiences have a unprecedented knowledge of film structure and editing that filmmakers need to be aware of. it was painfully obvious while watching halloween (2007) in the theater that scenes were missing, characters had been trimmed and the whole thing was stitched together rather carelessly. for example, udo kier shows up for about 5 seconds in the film and it’s distracting that this is his only appearance (as expected, he shows up in the ‘workprint’ far more). in both versions of the film it appears that you can call 911 from one house, run down the street into another house… and the cops will magically know to show up at your new location. while no masterpiece, the ‘work print’ is better in this respect and has quite a few scenes and snippets of dialogue that make the story of the film easier to understand.

if you’re curious you can see a list of the differences between the theatrical and ‘work print’ versions of the film here. the key differences are a rape scene and a radically different ending.

i do discuss the end of the film in detail in the next section, so if you wish to avoid spoilers you will want to stop reading now.

the ‘work print’ ends with loomis talking michael into releasing laurie and dropping his knife. after a few seconds pause, the cops decide to kill him anyway and shoot him with about 10,000 bullets. the theatrical version of the film ends with michael chasing laurie though the myer’s house. he grabs her, throwing them both out of a window. a struggle ensues, and laurie apparently kills michael by shooting him in the face. it’s unclear to me what one is supposed to take away from either of these endings, but i am glad they didn’t try to just replicate the 1978 film’s conclusion.

my interpretation of this film is hindered by confusion over michael’s motives. if you’ve seen the film (either version), i’d like to know what you think. why was michael stalking laurie? was it to kill her? apparently not, given that he puts his weapon down and attempts to make some sort of connection with her by showing her the picture of them together. not even loomis is convinced that murdering laurie is michael’s goal. when asked by the sheriff what michael wants, he says “i don’t know. but it’s not good.” in the end of the ‘work print’ he lets laurie go… in the theatrical version while he does reach up and grab the barrel of the gun that she’s pointing at him, it’s not clear to me whether he was trying to stop her from killing him or indicate that he wanted her to kill him or intimidate her so that she’d kill him in self defense. if his intent was for laurie to stop him… why?

i’d originally thought that michael wanted to kill her because she represented the last bit of humanity in him (after all, he didn’t kill her as an infant when he could have) and maybe now he was trying to fix that mistake, completing his journey to the ‘dark side’ or whatever. that doesn’t seem likely given the photograph scene, so it seems the options are:

  1. michael’s just crazy and wants to kill everyone and would have continued until someone stopped him
  2. michael wanted laurie to kill him, thus michael was effectively trying to commit suicide
  3. michael wanted to reconnect with his sister but decided to just kill her after it was obvious she wasn’t interested in a family reunion
  4. michael wanted to kill laurie originally, but changed his mind after finding her

in my mind, none of these options are completely consistent with everything else in the film and the more i think about it, the more i think that rob didn’t even know. the majority of the film is told from michael’s perspective, yet his motivations are never even remotely clear. if his only goal was killing the rest of his family, what was with the photograph scene? and why did he need to kill everyone else? laurie’s friends and family were not blocking his path to laurie. it seems that rob wanted to humanize michael, giving him legitimate feelings and making him somewhat identifiable on a human level… but this is in direct opposition to the rest of the movie where rob tries to keep michael as the senseless killing machine he was in the original film. he can’t be Norman Bates and the great white from Jaws simultaneously. it’s a shame this rob zombie couldn’t find a focused vision for material he obviously cared a great deal about. at times the film seems to be finding its way, only to collapse under its own weight. ultimately, the film cannot stand on its own and is best viewed as an interesting companion piece to a far superior film. with a lot more hair.



edit 9/13/07: if you’ve seen the film, you’ll probably like this.

Welcome

When looking for a phrase to summarize the spirit of slasher films, I’ve always been partial to “death on a cracker” (from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2). I even tried to convince Corey to name this blog after Chop Top’s immortal lines. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think Corey’s instincts are probably correct. “Evil on two legs” is a one-liner that perfectly summarizes all of the characteristics that embody the iconic knife-wielding villain. They are abstractly human, absurdly evil, and darkly funny. Fans of the genre know that this is an irresistible mixture. One of the subtexts for this project will be the exploration of the not-so-simple question: What makes slasher films such a guilty pleasure?

Another reason for this blog is that right now is an especially exciting time for slasher films. Of course, slasher films have been a constant presence in American cinema since its inception with films such as Hitchcock’s Psycho. But the genre, I would argue, suffered in the 90s, as chronicled by the deterioration of the Halloween films series, which Corey mentioned. And then there were the countless high-school melodramas masquerading as slasher films. You can drop a masked maniac in the middle of Dawson’s Creek and call it Scream, but you’ll still have all the post-pubescent schmaltz of Dawson’s Creek. Whether or not you enjoyed films such as Saw, Wolf Creek, Hostel, or The Devil’s Rejects, it is clear that the genre is reinventing itself. So an even more not-so-simple question is: What makes slasher films culturally relevant, now more than ever? I’m not sure exactly how, or even IF, we can begin to answer that. But at the very least this blog will be a testament to the fact that it’s an interesting time to be a fan.

Welcome to Evil On Two Legs

greetings and welcome to evil on two legs dot com. it’s likely you have two questions for me right now. 1) what is this site and 2) why’s it called that? shockingly, i have the answers to both those questions and i present them to you in a particular order (the order you asked).

evilontwolegs.com was originally launched in 2001 as a site dedicated to slasher films on dvd. after a short-lived run as a site mainly cataloging reviews and information about such films, i am now resurrecting it as a blog (a format that barely existed in 2001). my friend jon and i (and maybe a few other guest writers) will discuss various aspects of the horror genre. the focus will primarily be on slasher films and their impact over the last 30 odd years, but given our varying interests i can foresee us frequently veering off topic for various excursions into other aspects of the genre. i’m just an average horror enthusiast with little formal training in film criticism and an over-fondness for ellipses and lower-case letters, so there’s no real reason you should listen to what i have to say – but maybe you’ll you’ll give me a chance anyway. jon holds a PhD and currently teaches literature and film studies, so you’ll want to pay close attention when he speaks as there may be a pop quiz. he’s also a talented writer, which might help as well.

as for the name of this site… in halloween 4: the return of michael myers, dr. loomis utters these cryptic words:

We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner! We are talking about evil on two legs.

as the series wore on, loomis resorted to sillier and sillier descriptions of michael’s inhumanity, but this one always stuck with me… at least partially because it opens the door to consideration of all sorts of new types of evil such as evil on one leg, evil on a pogo stick, evil on a tricycle, etc.

in the coming weeks we hope to present several new articles and discussions on horror films and related topics, so i hope you’ll check them out and leave us some comments letting us know what you think. tonite is the release of rob zombie’s halloween, so i imagine we’ll start with some impressions of that once we’ve seen it. after that i have a detailed look at the many faces of jason voorhees in the works, a look at the so-called video nasties from the UK in the early 80s and quite a few more ideas i’ll keep to myself for now. i’m not sure what jon and others may have up their sleeves, but i’m sure we’ll all discover soon enough. until then…