previously we looked at some of the coolest horror memoribilia out there. today we continue our look into horror toys, figurines, trinkets and knick-knacks — but with a focus on some of the stranger and more bizarre examples available. you may or may not desire to own these items, but with items like the texas chainsaw massacre christmas tree lights and the freddy krueger yo-yo, each should surprise you simply by their very existence.
why would a goblet need protective face gear? and what is that on the base… it kinda looks like it’s sitting in dog feces. with the three dollar price tag, i assume this is made of styrofoam or something as opposed to the metal you’d assume ‘goblet’ implied. which means the first time you put wine in it, all that silver paint will probably flake off and give you some sort of fatal poisoning. i have to get one of these.
pinhead hellraiser teddy bear
sound in theory, this just doesn’t work in practice. that’s not pinhead as a teddy bear — that’s a teddy bear with weird black sticks hanging out of his face. technically that’d make him ‘black stick head,’ which is not nearly as scary. it’d actually be easier, cheaper and more effective to make your own pinhead bear. all you’d need to do is go here with this. i do like this one’s outfit tho.
the price on this item keeps getting marked down as i work on this article… i don’t understand why. who wouldn’t want to rest their head on a deformed and scarred pillow which mildly resembles chucky and has weird ears and an afro?
hanging hellraiser butterball decor
if there’s one cenobite that you want to be able to hang from your car’s rearview mirror or christmas tree, it’s certainly butterball.
blair witch project kubrick box set
when blair witch-mania hit, it hit hard. i admit to having a blair witch branded shot glass… and during those couple of months in 1999, i might have also bought the heather, josh and mike lego-esque kubrick figures shown here.
1979 alien cookie jar
a bit out of my price range, but if i had one of these i’d definitely keep dog biscuits in it. i love the look on the alien’s face here, as if he’s trying to say “hi, look what i got. an egg!”
friday the 13th air freshener
perhaps the most disturbing part of the description for this friday the 13th air freshner is that it doesn’t tell you what it smells like. ponder the possibilities before moving onto…
freddy trick arm
a freddy arm! the description lists the arm as ‘full-length,’ which is lucky because anything less simply wouldn’t have served my needs. the box is not included… which is a shame. i like the idea of freddy climbing into a steamer trunk, only to have the lid close and crush his armpit… as depicted here.
cthulhu plush fanny pack
well, if you must wear a fanny pack…
this would have made a great movie prop for finalgirl.blogspot.com’s latest short-film, the devil’s bum bag.
michael myers mask with hair
i have seen some crappy halloween masks before, but at thirty-five dollars — this isn’t just a horrible reproduction of the original mask, it’s a rip-off too. also… worst. hair. evar.
freddy matchbox car
so… piecing the story together just from what i can see here… freddy is fifty feet tall and attacking the springwood boiler maintenance van. wouldn’t that be counter-productive? who’s he gonna call when his pipes stop shooting out mood-steam or he loses one of his sheep behind a furnace?
cthulhu christmas wreath
cthulhu christmas wreath. ’nuff said.
this is probably the item on this list i’d be most likely to actually purchase. ‘snowglobe’ is an odd market for horror to branch out into, but the result isn’t too bad… and i just realized that the girl looks quite a bit like my fiancée. i don’t know whether that’d make her like it or hate it more if it was in our living room.
jason guitar picks
i almost want to learn guitar just so i can use these. will they work with rock band or guitar hero?
freddy vs. jason battling game
even if you ignore the fact that the two combatants seem to be facing away from each other, this just looks ridiculous. like a horribly boring version of hungry hungry hippos… with really fat hippos.
i never fully understood the marketting for a nightmare on elm street. while i imagine there are adults who like yo-yos, this is obviously primarily aimed at children… children who want a yo-yo branded with a burnt, psychotic child molester/murderer’s image? is that a big market? i say this knowing i would have bought it if i’d seen it when i was 13… so i guess the answer is ‘yeah.’
japanese freddy plush doll
we all know the japanese are weird with their karaoke bars and host clubs and used panty vending machines… but this is going a bit far. a cross-eyed freddy krueger doll that wears a blue sweater and a pirate hat? blasphemy.
michael mask in a bottle
who wouldn’t want an itty bitty michael myers mask in a jar? that can (as the description informs us) be filled with water. the description also says that this is a “gotta have” for michael myers fans. count me in.
i couldn’t actually find these for sale anywhere. that’s too bad, cuz… well… look at ’em. friday the 13th spitballs… that possess a “scary 18 foot squirt!” i like that they actually took the care to put the proper cut mark in the hockey mask… but the look on the victim’s face cracks me up.
jason matchbox car
i can’t really see what the truck says on it, but i assume it’s a camp crystal lake counselor vehicle. unlike the freddy version, the story here obviously makes sense… a fifty foot jason voorhees is attacking counselors. that, or a normal size jason is attacking 5-inch tall counselors. i’d readily watch either one.
horror candle set
i don’t really understand how you use this. is every one of these things a separate candle? so five candles… a hockey mask, an arm, a leg, a chainsaw and an axe. jason doesn’t really use a chainsaw, so i don’t completely get that one… but this hardly looks like an officially licensed product anyway.
saw 400% be@rbrick
ok, i was just getting used the whole ‘kubrick’ thing (the lego-type figures)… but now it turns out there’s a whole other subdivision of them, where the characters are bears… known as be@rbricks. i thought saw was a pretty good movie, but i’m not sure i’m prepared to spend sixty dollars for a blocky saw puppet with bear ears. and yes, even if it glows in the dark.
custom nike jason sneakers
as a teen unfamiliar with what females actually found attractive, i absolutely would have worn these high top sneakers, had they existed in 1990. hell, on the right occasion, i might wear them now.
monster freddy doll
ok, here’s another unlicensed piece-of-crap depiction of a sexual predator marketed to children. it’s obviously freddy krueger, but they changed the color of the sweater. although they got at least one color right, and his eyes are relatively straight, so they’re a step ahead of the japanese doll seen earlier.
camp crystal lake room rolls
this is the worst officially licensed product on this list. mainly because there’s no reason for it to be licensed. i suppose you put this on your wall to give the illusion of you being at camp crystal lake… but there’s no camp crystal lake sign, no jason hiding behind a tree (unless he’s really well hidden), or even a creepy reflection of a hockey mask in the water… there’s just some trees and some water. that’d hardly make it the crown jewel of your horror memorabilia collection. the description even hints to such as it clearly states “combine with other jason products (sold separately) for the perfect scene.”
friday the 13th and texas chainsaw christmas lights
i greatly desire to see a christmas tree decorated solely in these lights. perhaps a nice lament configuration or pinhead figurine up on top? after all, he’s a demon to some, angel to others