Stuff I’ve Been Watching (documentary edition)

not quite hollywood: the wild, untold story of ozploitation!
currently available via netflix watch instantly, i watched not quite hollywood on a whim, knowing nothing about it and little about its subject matter (australian exploitation films of the 70s and 80s). having watched it twice now, i can’t believe i hadn’t heard of this documentary before. much like the 32nd street trailer compilations, this is a must-see for fans of horror and exploitation cinema. unlike those compilations though, this documentary is a highly polished and has an interesting story to tell as it traces the history and influence of australian exploitation films. interviews with directors like quentin tarantino, greg mclean, james wan and leigh whannell show the influence of “ozploitation” on modern classics like death proof, saw and wolf creek. go watch it. like, right f’ing now. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

hardware
i remember seeing hardware as a kid and really liking it but thinking “there’s something going on here i’m not old enough to understand.” almost twenty years later i can see what that was. there’s a surreal “i just graduated from art-school” style to many scenes in the film that didn’t resonate with my fifteen year old self. ironically, those aspects of the film don’t do much for my thirty-four year old self either as they make a relatively simple horror story occasionally come across as pompous and self-indulgent. i really should have seen this film in my early twenties when i was eating up ‘self-indulgent’ and ‘pompous’ like it was my job.

that said — i really liked hardware as a kid, and i really like it now. the story is both simple and unique. in an unspecified but decidedly crappy vision of the future, a scavenger brings home a piece of mechanical junk to his girlfriend for use in her sculptures. unfortunately for her and everyone she knows, the piece of junk turns out to be part of a murderous robot that rebuilds itself from pieces of surrounding junk and begins killing everyone it encounters. imagine a horror version of bladerunner with a healthy sprinkling of fallout 3 on top (right down to the over-the-top post-apocalyptic radio dj). the robot looks a little silly at times by today’s standards (and, given its low-budget, even by 1990 standards), but this is definitely a sci-fi/horror gem worth seeking out… if no other reason, to hear the ‘wibberly-wobberly’ song sung by the creepy/chubby/peeping-tom/stalker guy.

Oh we all walk the Wibberly-Wobberly walk.
And we all talk the Wibberly-Wobberly talk.
And all we all wear Wibberly-Wobberly ties.
And we look at all the pretty girls with Wibberly-Wobberly eyes.

spine tingler! the william castle story
spine tingler! is a documentary showcasing the life of famous horror film director/producer william castle. viewed as the poor-man’s alfred hitchcock, castle’s films are generally remembered for their gimmicks rather than their quality. for example, the house on haunted hill was filmed in “emergo” (an elaborate film process involving a rubber skeleton on a string that floated above the audience) and the tingler featured “percepto” (wherein castle famously rigged certain audience seats with electric buzzers). lovingly told from the perspective of family, friends and fans, spine tingler! is a fascinating look at both william castle’s life and his contribution to the horror genre.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of December 1st, 2009

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

Pick of the Week

Deadline (2009)
When Alice (Brittany Murphy), a fragile scribe, seeks peace so she can complete her screenplay before a deadline, she moves to a remote, deserted country house. Soon, baffling noises ignite her imagination and pursuit to discover the force behind the mind games. Will she meet her deadline or end up dead? Sean McConville writes and directs this psychological thriller while Thora Birch, Tammy Blanchard and Marc Blucas co-star.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Boxset (1989, 1990, 1991)
Includes:
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker

New to Blu-ray

Horror Community Highlights – November 27, 2009

olga


email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Golden Turkey: Top Five Silliest Things About Twilight

there is a lot of hatred in the horror community for the film adaptation of stephenie meyer’s tale of brooding, day-walking and oh-so-glittery vampires. but, i have a confession to make. i like twilight. before you strip me of my horror blogger/movie fan/y-chromosome cred, let me explain why.

when john at zomboscloset sent out a call for “golden turkeys” (movies so bad, they’re good), twilight is the first thing that jumped to mind. for the horror fan, twilight is a near non-stop work of comedic genius. where else are you going to see vampires playing baseball in the day and watch people base an entire romantic relationship around how the girl’s blood smells? what other vampire movie posits the cure for getting bit by a vampire is to get bit by another, slightly nicer vampire? you may call this film vapid, silly, dumb and insulting… all of which it is. but it’s also a near-perfect mix of unintentional humor, ed wood quality dialogue and self-satirizing views on romance.

my apologies to any twi-hards or hard-lights or whatever twilight fans are called… but wow, this movie is bad. in my mind, it’s so horribly silly and overdone that it actually pushes the dial all the way around on the quality meter, breaking through to the other side… this is truly a movie deserving of the description “so bad, it’s good.” so, in honor of the upcoming thanksgiving holiday, i hereby declare twilight as the first annual 2009 eo2l golden turkey award winner. as further evidence of it deserving such a prestigious honor, i give you the top 5 silliest things about twilight.

little-doe

5. vegetarian vampires. edward and his family drink deer’s blood and refer to themselves as ‘vegetarian’ vampires. since neither vampires nor vegetarians drink deer’s blood, neither term is really very accurate. also… what happens if they accidentally leave a deer close to death, but not completely drained? i am hopeful that new moon‘s plot revolves around a blood-sucking fawn preying on the local high school populace.

4. this moment. i haven’t read the books, so i can’t explain in detail what the intended interpretation of this moment in the film is, but my best guess is this: edward catches a whiff of bella’s hairspray, gets a sudden and surprising erection and then throws up in his mouth. given that he’s a high school boy, as far as first reactions to meeting a girl go, that’s not really that horrible.

3. spider monkey. “you’d better hold on tight, spider monkey.” as horrible as that line is, it was almost worse as these were two of the other six possible options (i kid you not) given to the actors. with writing this solid, the movie was pretty much guaranteed to become the cultural phenomena we are witness to today.

Edward: Wrap your legs around me like a spider monkey.
Bella: Done.

Edward: Got a good grip? Don’t let go.
Bella: No chance of that, buddy.

2. vampire baseball. i may be alone in this opinion, but there are few things as funny as watching vampires hop around the grass and leap into the sky like coked-up flying squirrels, chasing after a baseball. this concept is at least moderately understandable when it existed only in the imagination of one strange little woman… but the fact that a group of dozens (if not hundreds) involved in the making of this film took that idea off the page, thought it was wise to put it on film and carried through with it is truly inexplicable.

1. sparkly vampires. i’m not one of those purists that says ‘you cannot tinker with vampire mythology’… as far as i’m concerned, tinker away. some of my favorite vampire films (e.g., near dark) ignore certain established conventions, so that is not my gripe with twilight. the problem is that, no matter how you cut it, vampires that sparkle in the sunlight like a twelve year-old girl’s blinged-out cell phone are silly. you can say melodramatic things like “this is the face of a killer” while sparkling, if you like… but that’s not going to affect the inherent silliness of daylight-twinkling vampires one little bit. it’s such a mind-numbingly stupid concept, that when i first saw twilight, it was hard for me to believe that anyone could take the movie seriously… but as this weekend’s box office for new moon shows, i was dead wrong about that. i have yet to see the sequel, but i am hopeful that it will be filled with the same silliness and over-the-top cheesiness that entertained me so in the first film and earned it the 2009 golden turkey award.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of November 24th, 2009

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

The Silent Scream (1980)
Terror floods the screen in this stylish classic from the golden age of slasher films. College student Scotty Parker (Rebecca Balding) becomes a boarder with the Engels family and soon learns that a murderer resides in their creepy mansion. After other students are killed, Scotty grows more and more fearful of Mrs. Engels (Yvonne De Carlo) and her son. Two policemen race to stop the slayings, but will they be in time to save Scotty?

Blood Moon Rising (2009)
Adult-film legend Ron Jeremy headlines this horror flick about an army of evil beings who rise from hell at the behest of the devil’s daughter, Lucy. Now, the fate of the world rests in the hands of Lucy’s hippie great-great-granddaughter, Sadie. With comic-book geek Darrell (Neal Trout) by her side, Sadie battles zombies, vampires and other creepy creatures. Laurie Love does double duty playing Lucy and Sadie.

Reborn (2009)
When a newlywed couple buys a foreclosed house in the Arizona desert, they think they’ve found their dream home. But this is no ordinary house: It was once the site of gruesome murders by the half-machine serial killer Motorman Dan. Too late, they learn that Motorman’s bloody rampage is far from over. Jimmy Flowers returns as the mechanical monstrosity in this sequel that also stars David C. Hayes, Davina Joy, Kathleen Benner and Kevin Moyers.

The Witches Hammer (2006)
Top secret Project 571 brings Rebecca (Claudia Coulter) back from death, turning her into a vampire assassin tasked with killing other vampires. But when a gang of the undead destroys Project 571, Rebecca fights to keep the souls of the damned off the earth. Joining forces with two priests, she must kill master vampire Hugo Renoir before he releases the damned souls and forces earth into eternal darkness in this horror adventure.

Devil Girl (2007)
Following her dad’s death, daring damsel Fay (Jessica Graham) motors down Route 66 until a mechanical problem strands her in a small town. While trying to fix her car, Fay endures nightmarish ordeals with several creepy locals, including one highly disturbing clown (Joe Wanjai Ross). Full of non-stop thrills, this fast-paced horror movie co-stars Vanessa Kay, Tim Abell, Willow Hale and Elina Madison.

House of Fears (2007)
Unrest star Corri English headlines this haunted house shocker about a group of teens forced to confront their most primal fears. All they wanted was to experience a cheap thrill or two by exploring a house that was said to be haunted, but after discovering an exotic artifact these six teens will become trapped in a labyrinthine house of unimaginable horrors. Will anyone be left to tell their horrifying tale when the morning sun ascends over the horizon, or could this evil be powerful enough to consume them all body and soul?

New to Blu-ray

Horror Community Highlights – November 20, 2009

  • Eyes without a Face
    Uranium Cafe
    A smart and pithy review about the smart and pithy 1960 French film.
  • Horror Movies for Thanksgiving
    Kindertrauma
    Halloween gets all the glory, but there’s plenty of Turkey-day gore in this terrific list.
  • Movie Poster Friday – The “Don’t” Edition
    Final Girl
    Don’t answer the phone, don’t go in the woods alone, don’t go in the park, don’t go in the house, and don’t look now. But do read this post.
  • What America Needs, Is More Zombies.
    Horror Society
    BJC of Day of the Woman offers this bit of advice about how to cope in a week that promises to be dominated by moody, effervescing teen-age vampires.
  • What About Near Dark?
    The Paradise of Horror
    “But if you want a good vampire story about teen love and violence then avoid Twilight and see Near Dark.” I’ll second that.


email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Foreign Horror Film Posters

poster-iffic awesomeness from strange, foreign lands where they do things like eat mayonnaise on their french fries, brew good beer, smoke inside restaurants, wear clothes with wacky names like “lederhosen” and produce awesome flicks like [REC]



The Birds
(Czechoslovakia)
Dawn of the Dead
(Germany)
Carrie
(Turkey)
Carrie
(Spain)
The Exorcist
(Turkey)
The Howling
(Belgium)
Friday the 13th
(Australia)
Friday the 13th Part 2
(Turkey)
King Kong
(Spain)
Psycho
(Czechoslovakia)
A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Germany)
A Nightmare on Elm St.
(Russia)
The Omen
(Czechoslovakia)
The Omen
(Turkey)
Return of the Living Dead
(France)
Scanners
(Italy)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(France)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(Italy)
Terror Train
(Germany)

Horror DVD Releases – Week of November 17th, 2009

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

Train (2008)
College athlete Alex (Thora Birch) and her teammates are in for one hell of a ride when, after a night of heavy partying, they miss a train to their next meet in Europe and unwittingly accept alternate transport from a stranger — with deadly consequences. The international gore-fest from director Gideon Raff (The Killing Floor) was shot in Bulgaria and takes bloody inspiration from a rash of news reports about real crimes in Eastern Europe.

Thirst (2009)
When the smoke clears from a failed experiment to find a cure for a fatal disease, a devout priest finds himself forever changed. Specifically, he’s a vampire — but that isn’t the only thing that’s different. Now he’s also willing to commit adultery with the wife of his childhood friend, a sin he never would have considered before. Kang-ho Song, Ha-kyun Shin and Ok-bin Kim co-star in this horror offering from Korean director Chan-wook Park.

Vampire Party (2008)
Equal parts Airplane! and Shaun of the Dead, this vampire spoof finds friends Sam Polisatokoniminsky (Patrick Mille), Alice (Frédérique Bel) and Prune (Julie Fournier) invited to a party at a rural mansion. Too late, they discover that they’re on the evening’s menu for their bloodsucking hosts. As merriment turns to mayhem, the trio encounters a plethora of bizarre situations (and groan-inducing sight gags) in their attempt to escape.

Basement Jack (2008)
Eleven years after slaying fifteen people including his own mother, serial killer Jack Riley sets out to finish what he started in this low-budget slasher opus. Jack Riley was just seventeen years old when he embarked on the brutal killing spree that earned him the dubious nickname Basement Jack. Eleven years later Jack’s still dangerous as ever, and he’s about to be released from the state asylum.

Penance (2009)
Inspired by actual events, Days of Darkness director\co-screenwriter Jake Kennedy’s sophomore shocker tells the story of single mother Amelia (Marieh Delfino), who turns to stripping as a means of making ends meet and winds up the unwilling subject of a grim purification ritual. When sexy dancer Suzy takes a beating that leaves her unable to perform, she asks Amelia to cover her latest gig. Reluctantly accepting so her friend can convalesce, Amelia begins to grow uneasy when her driver (Tony Todd) taxis her to a dark and remote location. Once inside, Amelia finds herself imprisoned with a number of other unchaste women by a sadistic captor (Graham McTavish) who uses various torture methods to rid them of their impurities.

Bangkok Haunted (2001)
Join horror specialists Oxide Pang (The Eye) and Pisuth Praesang-lam for a terrifying trip into the unknown in this frightful collection of three skin-crawling tales that are sure to give viewers more than a few sleepless nights. When an antiques dealer discovers an ancient instrument that appears to open a gateway between two worlds, she soon finds that you may never truly know yourself as well as you think you do in “Legend of the Drum.” An aphrodisiac that claims to be the most potent way of attracting the opposite sex around proves more effective than a customer ever imagined in the cautionary tale “Black Magic Woman,” and a haunted police cadet in search of the truth behind a young girl’s suicide finds that some mysteries are better left unsolved in “Revenge.”

New to Blu-ray

Horror Community Highlights – November (Friday the) 13th, 2009

bts1_jason1
  • The Faces of Jason
    Monster Land
    For maximum nostalgic effect, read this terrific post to the tune of “Memories.”
  • The Fine Art Of Friday The 13th
    Kindertrauma
    Name these scenes from the Friday the 13th series and win a copy of Part Six.
  • Friday the 13th…
    Pluck You Too
    Take a brief tour of Blairstown, where Friday the 13th was filmed.
  • Happy Friday the 13th! Join The Celebration
    Friday the 13th Blog
    Celebrate the 13th with modernized versions of classic trailers, an interview with Adrienne King, and a chance to win the film’s original LP soundtrack.
  • Sexy Psychos
    Vegan Voorhees
    If you are man or woman enough to admit that you have “watched a slasher film and, when the murderous fiend is unmasked, thought, ‘I’m strangely attracted to that person,’” then this post is for you.


email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com