Slumber Party Massacre: The Poem

Russ Thorn
August 27, 2008
Posted by
russthorn@evilontwolegs.com

My name is Russ Thorn. You probably know me as the driller killer from Slumber Party Massacre, but lesser known are my many, many works of poetic literature, including Taladro Bella, my collection of Petrarchan love sonnets. Petrarch liked to compare love with warfare and affliction, and he dedicated all of his sonnets to Laura, the object of his unrequited love. Petrarch knew that while noble, love isn’t for the faint of heart. My sonnets are dedicated to Trish, the beautiful slumber party hostess. It takes a lot of love to write something like this. You know you want it. You’ll love it. Yes…





Sonnet #929, by Russ Thorn (for Trish)

I thought of you, my dear, after today’s horoscope:
“Your power with the opposite sex will get you ahead.”
This is wonderful, because I love your pretty head.
So this is the day, the hour, the moment when my hope
in love will be found, as if seen through the scope
of a high-powered rifle. I see your friends asleep in bed.
But you’re the prettiest by far, so I choose you instead.
Now my heart, my darling, is racing, as if down a slope.
Think of me as your love burglar. I’ll enter your heart,
as if it were a low-rent apartment. With my steel-tipped quill
I’ll write my poems across your skull. It takes lots of skill
to love this well. Even while flowers are ripped apart
by clippers, they know they want it. Affection can sometimes kill.
Any man can make love to you, but only I can do it with a drill.

Childhood Horrors

Corey
August 16, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com

it’s said that sources of trauma and terror in childhood become sources of attraction later in life. if nothing else, this basic tenet of human psychology goes a long way to explaining my love of horror films and, i would wager, yours as well. would i still love slasher films if i hadn’t been scared out of my seven year old mind by halloween one late october night? or, if in the years after, my grandparents had been a bit more strict and not allowed me to rent the entire friday the 13th series (only six films at that point)? i somehow doubt it.

one of the better horror blogs out there seems to be based on this simple idea. while covering many aspects of horror, kindertrauma seems primarily aimed at covering those aspects of film and television that scared you as a child. whether intentionally frightening (like sleestaks) or not (like slim goodbody), kindertrauma covers everything that made you into the horror fan you are.

with that idea in mind, i thought i’d list some of my own childhood experiences that contributed to my current love of the horror genre. (note: animated gifs may take a moment to load.)

halloween: closet scene

halloween scared the ever-living shit out of me. i was so scared that night, i couldn’t eat, sleep or walk straight. watching the film now for the umpteenth, it’s sometimes hard to appreciate the effect the film can have on its initial viewing. when i was seven, every second of that film was terrifying. even the seemingly benign scenes like the girls chatting after class held a since of dread, since you never knew when that haunting bit of music would start up, alerting you to the shape’s presence.

after laurie first “killed” michael, i was so relieved. i didn’t think i could take much more of michael leaping out of the shadows, and a sense of calm washed over me. little did i know that the single scariest moment in my movie-watching life was about to take place… i hid behind the sofa when michael appeared at the top of the stairs, not as dead as i’d hoped, and laurie ran for the bedroom. she leaves a window open and locks herself in the closet. michael’s no dummy though and doesn’t fall for her clever ruse, and begins pulling on the closet door handles. i wish i had a video tape of myself watching this scene for the first time… as best i can recall, i was crouched behind the sofa, peeking over the edge… all the while sort of bouncing up and down and yelling “oh my god! oh my god!” as michael crashed through the closet door, knocking the single light bulb swinging, i’m certain i screamed.

the sense of excitement and fear this film left me with in the hours, nights and years that followed is why halloween is still my favorite film and, at least partly, why i am a horror fan today.

bloody mary

whoever came up with this urban legend is a genius. this legend is so scary that you don’t even need to know the back story for it to work. when i was a kid i think there was some vague story about a woman named mary having her baby killed or something… it doesn’t matter. the only important part is that you’re supposed to go into a dark room alone with just a candle and say ‘bloody mary’ three times into a mirror which makes mary appear. i remember doing this with friends when i was seven or eight in our center bathroom (which had no windows) and being absolutely convinced that if i said it all three times, a woman covered in blood would be behind the shower curtain in the mirror’s reflection. i could only say her name twice before running out yelling.

the headless roommate

i recall reading daniel cohen’s “the headless roommate and other tales of terror” alone in bed, late one night while at the beach. i’d checked out the book from the school library, so it was a hardcover with no slip cover, leaving the book just a plain red with small white lettering… which somehow made it creepier. the book is basically just a collection of urban legends, many of which you’d already be familiar with (e.g., “the vanishing hitchhiker”). the story that stuck with me the most, however, is usually referred to as “the furry collar.” the gist of the story can be read here, but cohen’s version is much longer, better paced, and scarier. i remember that the room i was in while reading it was at the top of a long flight of stairs, just like in the story. what little sleep i got that night, i got with the lights on.

scary stories to tell in the dark

if you’re reading this site, then i’d bet good money you’re familiar with these books. and i doubt i need to remind you of the scariest part of these books… it wasn’t the stories (which were typically rather lame… e.g., “i’m the viper: i’m here to vipe the vindows”) — it was the pictures. the artist for these books somehow tapped directly into what nightmares look like and put it on paper. even twenty years later i could recall the four pictures that scared me the most… and it didn’t take me long to find them.

witchboard

while not a particularly scary movie, witchboard caught me at just the right time. i was spending the night alone for one of the first times and it was on hbo at midnight. i don’t recall exactly what in the movie hit me so hard, but i remember being utterly freaked out all night afterwards. i ran around the house, double-checking all the locks on the doors and windows and would jump at every floorboard creak. i watched the movie again recently, and i honestly can’t figure out how i could be so scared of a movie about a plank of wood that features a bubble-gum chewing, uber-1980s dressed psychic named zarabeth.

friday the 13th: the novel

this is a weird one for three reasons. for one, the film friday the 13th hadn’t scared me. two, while reading the book it was daylight at a friend’s birthday party. and three, the book isn’t particularly well written. regardless, somehow reading about the doomed counselors at crystal lake was somehow so much more frightening than watching. i distinctly remember annie’s (the cook) death scene, and its description from her point of view as the blood ran out her throat and everything faded to white. i was rattled for a while after reading that chapter… at least until my friend’s dad put rambo on the tv.

clowns

i don’t really understand why the circus keeps going with the whole ‘clown’ thing, since i don’t know anyone that likes them. clowns are scary, case closed. i don’t recall the moment i realized clowns were bad news, but i remember a couple contributing factors.

  • my mom hated circuses. she was unnaturally terrified of popping balloons and avoided the circus when i was a kid… which clearly conveyed to me that something there was to be feared.
  • octopussy. psycho, knife-wielding twin clowns open the film. ’nuff said.
  • clive barker’s “dread.” one of my favorite barker short stories, it features a psychologist obsessed with the study of fear and an axe-wielding clown.
  • it. tim curry. awesome.

jaws

jaws, being the sneaky little devil that it is, wasn’t content to just scare me once. like everyone else in the world, the film made me afraid of the ocean for… well, ever. the scene where the shark first surfaces in front of brody knocked me down into the seat cushions. however, it was years later that i read the book and was traumatized all over again. in particular, i remember the opening scene with the skinny-dipping girl. the book describes her feeling a slight tug from below, which she wasn’t very concerned about. she reaches down to see what it was, and feels the cleanly sliced stump where her foot should have been. that concept, of being in the black water and being cut so cleanly and quickly that you don’t even realize it, freaked me out so completely that i think of it every time i go near the beach to this day.

a lamb on elm st.

i don’t know why, but the scariest moment for me in a nightmare on elm street was during the opening credits when a lamb wanders by. while it may not sound like nightmare fuel, for some reason it got me. it’s so weirdly out of place and surreal, it strengthens the dream-like quality of the scene… and for some reason that bleating lamb in midst of the steam pipes and krueger’s laughing left me really disturbed. if tina’s immediate reaction to the shot of the lamb is any indication, this effect was intentional.

halloween: michael sits up

ending up where we began, halloween deserves another mention on this list. while michael crashing through the closet was the scariest moment in the film for me, the creepiest moment happens a few minutes later. michael is dead… again. unfamiliar with horror clichés at the time, i completely believed the killer was finally dead. then occurs the creepiest moment in film history… from over laurie’s shoulder, michael sits up and turns towards her. the action is so mechanical and unemotional, watching it still tingles my spine and heebies my jeebies to this day.

Contest Winners

Corey
August 11, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com

Over at Eo2L headquarters, the answers have been tallied and the results analyzed, bringing the Name-That-Movie-Super-Amazing-Fun-Time Contest to a close. Just like in Beijing, we’re giving prizes to the first, second and third place winners. But before that, let’s take a look at the correct answers.

Halloween (1978)
Friday the 13th Part VII:
The New Blood
Friday the 13th
Behind the Mask:
The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Motel Hell
Slumber Party Massacre
Friday the 13th Part 2
Sleepaway Camp
Cherry Falls
Wrong Turn
Suspiria
The Burning
Maniac
An American Werewolf in London
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Haute Tension
The Prowler
(aka Rosemary’s Killer)
Rabid

And now for the winners! Given there were several ties for the top three spots, we’ve actually ended up with six winners.


Third Place:


Second Place:

  • Michael H.


First Place:

  • Wes Fierce from horrorfilmmagazine.com
  • David


    • All winners will receive a small evilontwolegs.com branded item. Given the tie for first place, it was decided randomly that Wes Fierce would receive the copy of Clive Barker’s Jericho, but both of the first place winners will receive their choice of any Eo2L item. Both first place winners correctly named 17 of the 18 screenshots. Thanks to everyone who played, and look for another Eo2L contest soon!

Clues Your Movie Is From 1977

Jon
August 4, 2008
Posted by
jon@evilontwolegs.com

This month’s Final Girl Film Club pick is 1977’s The Car. Released just two years after Jaws, the film is essentially a retelling of Spielberg’s classic film, but with a desert setting as opposed to aquatic. The film’s working title was actually Wheels, strengthening the Jaws connection through the use of the popular “title your movie after the villain’s most dangerous part” naming convention. Throw in a little demonic possession (very popular in the 70s) to get your four-wheeled shark rollin’, and the script basically writes itself from there.

What the film lacks in originality it makes up for in tongue-in-cheek humor, ridiculous death sequences and, most of all, 1970s nostalgia. So strong is this film’s tie to the year in which it was made, we’ve used it as the perfect example of how to tell if a film is from the 1970s. Below we’ve listed the key characteristics to be on the look-out for.

1. Title Font

I love the opening sequence of The Car. The music is ominous, the landscape is stark and western, and the film begins in utter darkness with only the film’s title. Simple and effective, the style is reminiscent of 60s psychedilia, but with a sleek modernist aesthetic. Combine this with the pastel green font coloring on a black background, and you’ve just situated your film right in the mid-1970s.

2. Clothing

Aside from leisure suits, no 70s era style dates itself more than bell bottom jeans. In an apparent attempt to out-70s all the other Texas high schools, the students in The Car lead the First Annual Bell Bottom Jeans Parade, shortly before being terrorized by the motorized antagonist.

3. Citizens’ Band Radios

I know that Wade is a lawman, but I found it odd that he has a CB radio on his personal motorcycle. But before I had time to fully rationalize it, I remembered that people were wild about CB radios and trucker culture in the 70s, an aesthetic that culminated in Sam Pekinpah’s 1978 film Convoy. Wade never calls anyone “good buddy” or ends his sentences with “come back,” but I think having a CB mounted to his motorcycle is enough to earn him a Jr. Trucker’s merit badge.

4. Satan

The 70s was a busy decade for the devil, with appearances in such films as The Exorcist, The Devil’s Rain, Satanico Pandemonium, and The Omen, to name just a few. In 1977 it felt like you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting someone or some thing possessed or spawned by the Devil himself.

5. Moustaches

“Give it to me straight, doc. Is my moustache gonna make it?”

6. Hair

Steve McQueen had made motorcycles super cool by 1977, and wearing a helmet just wouldn’t convey the same attitude. On the surface, Wade doesn’t wear a helmet in this scene because he’s a rebel at heart, telling his kids to “do as I say, not as I do.” It’s a horrible parenting philosophy made all the more ironic since Wade’s last name is Parent. But I think Wade really refuses to wear a helmet because he’s so obviously overjoyed in this scene as the wind rustles through his perfectly feathered, 70s style hair.

7. Sunglasses

I don’t know who first invented this striking pose, in which the sunglasses slide down to the tip of the nose, just before they’re snatched away, but something about it conveys a definite 70s attitude that is both capricious and bold. If you see this move you’re either watching a film from the 1970s or a re-run of CSI: Miami.

8. Burt Reynolds (or facsimile of)

Nothing says “Hi, I’m the 1970s” like Burt Reynolds. While Burt makes no actual appearance in The Car, his spirit is alive and well in James Brolin’s performance of Wade. Wade’s moustache, hair, sunglasses and CB radio all add up to just one simple truth that The Car can’t help but convey — the producer’s couldn’t afford Burt Reynolds. And while this may be true and Smokey and the Bandit‘s bitchin’ Firebird Trans Am may be the iconic car of 1977 — I say it ain’t got nothing on the bad-ass, shark-finned, demon-possessed, customized Lincoln Continental from The Car.

Free Stuff!

That’s it for this month’s Final Girl Film Club entry, but don’t forget that our name-that-movie-super-amazing-fun-time contest is still currently open for submissions! A winner will be announced soon.

Friday the 13th Movie Site Goes Live

Corey
August 1, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com



behold the awesome power of advertising.

this teaser poster for the friday the 13th re-imagining/re-envisioning/remake/whatever completely changed my attitude towards the film. i went from “meh” to “omg-i-wish-i-owned-a-time-machine-and-could-send-myself-to-next-february” in about 0.05 sec. simple, stylish and elegant, it communicates everything you need to know about the film using a single image and a date. the poster implies a seriousness to the material that’s been missing from the series for far too long. in addition to the poster, i’ve read positive things about the footage shown at comic-con, so consider me converted — i’m now excited about this particular remake.

Google Search Terms

Corey
July 31, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com

recently i got a little curious and started looking at the analytics for evilontwolegs.com, which, in addition to stats on page hits and such, also includes a list of google search terms that have led people to the site. usually people find our site searching for horror icons like jason and michael myers… or by looking for leg-related terms (“evil legs” is a popular one, as is “between legs,” predictably). not all are so obvious tho, so i thought it might be fun to look at some of the more interesting search phrases that have led people to eo2l, which i’ve broken down into logical categories below.


legs

it never occurred to me when choosing the name ‘evil on two legs’ that i’d be inviting leg fetishists everywhere to the site, but that appears to be true, as “[insert celebrity name here] legs” is a very popular way of stumbling across this blog. below are the most popular of these searches linked to an image to save leg-lovers everywhere valuable time.


people who probably didn’t find what they were looking for

just based on the search terms, i’m often confident that when people arrive at our site they find what they’re looking for. search phrases like “a site where they talk about slasher films” is a prime example, as is “that site called evilontwolegs.” there are times, however, when i’m a bit confused as to how a search term led to our site… and fairly confident that visitors likely found only disappointment once arriving here.

  • animated gif chicken head cut off
  • nude saxophone
  • animated satanic rape
  • camp wanna suck+dvd animal
  • chicken head tilt
  • christmas music podcasts
  • don’t push the evil teddy bear
  • gravestone epitaphs for hamlet
  • robert klien / i can’t stop my leg video
  • wilfred owen masculinity

movies i want to see

our site focuses primarily on film, so it’s no surprise that many people find their way here in an attempt to name a specific film based on certain plot elements because they’ve forgotten the film’s title. the people below likely did not find information on the films they were searching for here. which is unfortunate because, based on their plot elements alone, i desperately wish to see all of these films.

  • film bodyguard sniper priest tongue
  • charles bronson + horror film go in your mouth
  • movie about vampire and submarine in belly
  • ballet dancers in surgical masks
  • statue of liberty “evil”
  • my name is michael caine and i’m a nosy neighbor

questions

people search for things to obtain answers, so often search terms take the form of straight-forward inquiries. the questions below led people directly to this site, and to help these people out, i’ll answer the questions to the best of my ability.

  • 80s horror film kids at camp with a prank played on a guy and is burning
    (the film you’re looking for is the burning.)
  • Clive Barker’s jericho “end of the game” suck
    (yes, it did.)
  • Explain ending of mulberry st. movie
    (despite the authoritative tone of your question, i’m afraid i can’t help you with that one.)
  • I don’t understand one missed call
    (join the club. you can be treasurer.)
  • Is meatloaf in planet terror
    (no.)
  • Is Rob Zombies director’s cut just like the theatrical edition
    (no. it’s somewhat better.)
  • Is Wrong Turn 2 Dead End okay for kids
    (NO!)
  • Jason’s wife in Friday the 13th
    (wtf?)
  • Things Jeremy Stoltz would find interesting
    (sports.)
  • What does Danielle Harris likes to be called
    (danielle harris. ms. harris, if you’re nasty.)
  • What is the best version of Rob Zombie’s Halloween
    (likely the unrated director’s cut 3-disc edition, coming to dvd this october.)
  • What do the 3 seductresses represent in Bram Stokers Dracula
    (they represent the opposite of the idealized Victorian lady, being sexually aggressive and anti-maternal: instead of nurturing children, they eat them.)
  • What kind of knife does Michael Myers use
    (a butcher knife. also known as a chef knife.)
  • Who would win in a fight Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees
    (a tough question. it would probably depend on which version of jason is fighting… scrawny, easily beaten bag-head jason, much larger and stronger zombie jason or invincible space jason? in most cases, i’d bet on jason… he’s tougher and machetes have longer reach than kitchen knives.)


that’s it for our first look at google search terms… don’t forget that our name-that-movie-super-amazing-fun-time contest is still currently open for submissions! a winner will be announced next week.

New Logo and Super Fun Contest Time

Corey
July 18, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com

hopefully you’ve noticed that eo2l has undergone a bit of a face-lift, with the most notable change being our spiffy new logo. the caricatures of michael myers and laurie strode were drawn by a promising new artist by the enigmatic name of Raven (her deviant art page). we’re so enamored with her ultra-cute version of everyone’s favorite fall season slasher, we’ve commissioned her for some more images for the site.

jon and i liked the logo so much that we’ve decided to have it printed on a few t-shirts and miscellaneous items through zazzle. i’m not arrogant enough to think there’s a huge market for items related to this blog, but i do think the halloween caricatures are just so damn cute that maybe one or two of you would be interested in seeing the storefront i put together for jon and myself. after all, if final girl, notlp or anchorwoman in peril had a t-shirt, i’d want to see it. below is a nifty flash panel, or you can see the entire store at zazzle.com/evilontwolegs.

in addition to showing you the store, we’ve also decided to give a few items away for free in our name-that-movie-super-amazing-fun-time contest!

as you may have noticed, we have a little slideshow of images from various horror films running in our sidebar. i’ve taken eighteen of those and listed them below. all you need to do is email corey@evilontwolegs.com, naming the film that each of the images comes from. please number your answers and state the full title, including sequel number. the person with the highest number correct will receive a free item of their choice (t-shirt, mousepad, mug) from our store and a copy of clive barker’s jericho for the xbox360 (or, how about a pinhead action figure if you don’t have a 360?). in the case of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random.

edit: we’re receiving some very accurate entries, but so far no one has gotten every one right, so don’t think just because you don’t know ever single one means you couldn’t win. we’ll also be supplying additional prizes to some of the runners-up, so get those entries in. :)

#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
#8
#9
#10
#11
#12
#13
#14
#15
#16
#17
#18

Pop Music and Horror Films – Part Two

Jon
July 14, 2008
Posted by
jon@evilontwolegs.com

It’s time to bring out your lighters for the encore to “Pop Music and Horror Films.” As with part one, I’m basing my selection on songs that had a long shelf life before being used in film, but were either changed by being included in the film, or contributed significantly to it. Based on these criteria, lots of good pop songs didn’t make the cut, so I’d like to begin with a couple of honorable mentions. “Jeepers Creepers,” first sung by the fantastic Louis Armstrong, has been featured in numerous films, including Yankee Doodle Dandy, The Day of the Locust, and Jeepers Creepers. It didn’t make the list because it was actually written for the film Going Places in 1938. “Blitzkrieg Bop,” by the Ramones, is one of my all-time favorite songs, and it’s playing on the radio of the truck driver who kills little Gage in Mary Lambert’s Pet Semetary. It’s a great scene, but the way we listen to the song doesn’t really change, and plenty of other songs could have worked just as well. The Ramones actually have two songs in that film. They wrote “Pet Semetary” specifically for it, and it’s featured during the closing credits. It was really tough to pick the final five, but here they are. If you think I’ve overlooked a song or two, I’d love to hear about it in the comments section. And, as with the previous list, click on the videos if you want to sing along with the post.





5. “Fever,” by The Cramps – Near Dark (1987)

With such songs as “I Ain’t Nothing but a Gore Hound,” “The Human Fly,” and “The Zombie Dance,” the Cramps are no strangers to horror-themed music. I came very close to picking “Naughty Naughty,” John Par’s definitive power-chord anthem that opens Near Dark’s famous bar scene, but it’s the Cramps’ brilliant cover of Willie John’s classic “Fever” that really gives that scene an unmistakable atmosphere of low-key, slithering cool that you know will soon erupt into something bloody and ugly. If I were ever to direct a horror film, I am postitive that I would hire the Cramps to do its soundtrack.

4. “The Man Comes Around,” by Johnny Cash – Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I LOVE Zack Snyder’s remake of Dawn of the Dead, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I think it’s far superior to the original. Not only is Snyder’s version a first-rate zombie flick, it’s simply a good film with great editing, first-rate acting, and an incredible soundtrack. The film opens with Johnny Cash’s apocalyptic “The Man Comes Around,” one of the last songs he ever wrote. It has a simple, but incessant rhythms and cryptic lyrics that establish the perfect tone for the entire film. The end of the world never sounded so good.

3. “People Who Died,” by Jim Carroll – Dawn of the Dead (2004)

All of the songs in Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake are terrific, and chosen for very specific effects in the film, but I promised myself to include no more than two of them. The film’s closing credits are as effective as the opening, thanks to the punk-rock poetry of Jim Carroll’s “People Who Died.” Carroll wrote the song as a tribute to the friends he lost during his tumultuous, drug-riddled adolescence on the streets of New York (as chronicled in The Basketball Diaries, but his song translates perfectly as a defiant tribute to Anna and Keith and everyone in Dawn of the Dead who almost make it out alive.

2. “The Host of Seraphim,” by Dead Can Dance – The Mist (2007)

I’ve been a fan of Dead Can Dance and their ethereal style of world music since their eponymous first album. They’ve never sounded better than at the heart-breaking, dread-inspiring conclusion of Frank Darabont’s The Mist. The plaintive incantations of “The Host of Seraphim” perfectly mirror the incessant, otherworldly threat that renders David so completely helpless. It’s one of the most memorable endings to any film I’ve seen in a long time.

1. “Free Bird,” by Lynard Skynard – The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

Every self-respecting southerner (such as myself) likes Lynard Skynard. It’s encoded into our DNA along with a love of iced tea and barbecue. Still, I know that “Free Bird” is one of the most maudlin and overplayed songs ever written. And this is precisely why it deserves the #1 spot in this list. Rob Zombie manages to make this song new again — more so than any other song in this list — by using it at the end of The Devil’s Rejects as Captain Spaulding, Otis, and Baby Firefly contemplate their final moments before their showdown with the police. They’re all evil, psycho-freak hippies in bad need of a shower, but I still can’t help but feel sorry for them, partly because “Free Bird,” as brilliantly used by Zombie, so powerfully evokes an unabashed sense of nostalgia and bitter-sweet sorrow. I don’t think that “Free Bird” has ever been used in this kind of context, but I’m now convinced that it’s how this song was meant to be heard.



Pop Music and Horror Films – Part One

Jon
July 11, 2008
Posted by
jon@evilontwolegs.com

Soundtracks have always been an important part of film. Hitchock’s Psycho wouldn’t have the same eerie resonance without those frantic violins, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy wouldn’t have the same epic scope without Howard Shore’s soaring, but esoteric compositions. I’m not exactly sure when films began incorporating popular music into their soundtrack instead of using only original scores (I’d wager Elvis was involved somehow), but the marriage between film and pop music really came into its own in the 80s with the advent of music videos and with the success of films such as The Blues Brothers and Footloose. Horror films have been no exception to this ongoing practice, and plenty of songs have been forever altered by their inclusion in the genre. While no list could be definitive, here’s the first installation of my ten favorite uses of pop songs in horror films. All of the songs in this list were good (or at least well-known), but were made even better by their inclusion in film. I’ve included the relevant video clips if you feel like singing along with this post.





10. “Blue Moon,” by The Marcels – An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Is the ending of An American Werewolf in London supposed to be funny, absurd, sad, or horrifying? I tend to think that it evokes all of these emotions at once, and the inclusion of the bubble-gum happy, doo-wop version of “Blue Moon” helps the film achieve its complex anti-resolution. Of course, Landis had already pioneered the art of combining pop music and film in National Lampoon’s Animal House and The Blues Brothers, but I think this is his crowning achievement.

9. “Bela Lugosi’s Dead,” by Bauhaus – The Hunger (1983)

The first time I ever heard a Bauhaus song was in Tony Scott’s cult-classic film about vampires in the dark underbelly of Manhattan’s fashionable circles. While I didn’t rush out and paint my lips and fingernails a nice shade of raven-black in honor of these founding grandfathers of Goth music, I did buy a copy of Press the Eject and Give me the Tape, the live album from which “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” was taken. The inclusion of the song during the opening credits gives the film a brooding, creepy cool. It was so effective that Bauhaus used the sequence as a stand-alone video for their song.

8. “Hip to be Square,” by Huey Lewis and the News – American Psycho (2000)

For me, the highlight of American Psycho is Patrick Bateman’s long-winded, manic explication of the merits of Huey Lewis and the News as he dances to “Hip to be Square” and prepares for Paul’s brutal murder. It proves that Bateman is as pathologically shallow and soulless as the 80s pop culture that so defines his personality. Somehow, he manages to make that harmless goofball Huey Lewis seem downright horrifying, and to this day, I cringe a little whenever I happen to hear him on the radio.

7. “Bad to the Bone,” by George Thorogood and the Destroyers – Christine (1983)

I know that cars are central to American culture, but it’s still hard to believe that a film could make you both fear and feel empathy for a large hunk of metal, glass, and rubber. John Carpenter pulls it off, beginning with the opening sequence of Christine as we watch the car being assembled to the tune of Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone.” The actual song doesn’t occur until a minute or two into the video, but it’s worth watching from the beginning, as the lone rumbling of Christine’s engine dovetails perfectly into the song. Undoubtedly, both the song and the car become all the more badass when combined together.

6.”Goodbye Horses,” by Q Lazarus – Silence of the Lambs (1991)

I think the way we listen to all of the songs in this list changes after their inclusion in film, but this is especially true of “Goodybye Horses,” the song to which Buffalo Bill dances in all his freaky, drag queen glory. It’s actually a very catchy song, but you’ll NEVER catch me humming it in public, as it now so thoroughly belongs to Silence of the Lambs. The song is still creepy even when Jason Mewes dances to it in Clerks 2.





Which songs will make the final cut? Will the 80s continue to dominate this list? Stay tuned for part two of “Pop Music and Horror Films” to find out!

The Fashion of Camp Crystal Lake Part 2

Corey
July 4, 2008
Posted by
corey@evilontwolegs.com

We continue our look into the fashion sense of the Friday the 13th series by focusing on the cast of characters presented in the aptly named Friday the 13th Part 2 (please see our first article for a look at the original film). Featuring one of the best dressed final girls of the series as well as Jason in the iconic “bag-head” costume, this should be a lot of fun.

Corey: Here we have Alice, the previous film’s final girl, relaxing at home. Add a puffy, stitched Santa Claus head with blinking eyes or a bunch of candy canes to that jumper and you have the perfect Christmas outfit. For an infant. Or, if you left it as-is, maybe a terrier.

Jon: Her outfit does have a nauseatingly Christmas-green color, but I think she’s really going for the rustic pickle look, which she’s hoping will drive all the local farm boys at Camp Crystal Lake wild. Also, I think she secretly enjoys smelling her own armpit.

A GIRL: Alice has thrown herself to her bed in tears because she can’t get her Christmas Cthulhu costume quite right. The not-found-in-nature shades of green are spot on, but she hasn’t quite found the optimal balance between festivity and dread.

Jon: “Nobody will sleep with me…wah wah wah wah. My hat’s too small for my head…wah wah wah wah. Jason’s out to get me…. wah wah wah wah. So I think I’ll just stay in this here bed. ‘Cause I got the blues. I got them old Camp Crystal Lake blues again.”

Corey: I think he’s singing an unrequited love song to his hat that ends with a verse expressing a secret wish for some sleeves.

A GIRL: This hat cries out to be paired with a tweedy, leather-elbowed jacket. This hat dreams of a day it will be jauntily worn to the fox hunt or the afternoon garden party. This hat is destined for sad, grey, sleeveless disappointment, accompanied by a lonesome harmonica tune.

Corey: I’m not sure I can explain why precisely, but Paul’s outfit and stance make me imagine the phrase “Oh, Snap!” said in a sassy tone. Also, that’s not a name on that jersey, that’s a shitty Scrabble hand.

Jon: Friday the 13th Part 2 leaves us with so many unanswered questions. Why is Bo Duke holding that piece of paper? Why is Horshack in a wheelchair? Why are they both in this film?

A GIRL: This guy has a big future in romance novel covers. I can only imagine that he is helping his pal prepare for a woodsy performance of Rear Window, since those are obviously script notes in his hand.

Corey: The Friday the 13th films always feature some familiar stereotypes (e.g., the unpopular clown, the slut, the virgin, etc.). But really? Paul is the best out-in-the-woods-rugged-but-handsome-Marlboro-man character the film could muster? I don’t care how many buttons he leaves undone or how many flannel shirts he owns, no outfit is going to stop him from tripping my gaydar.

Jon: I agree. The ONLY thing preventing Paul from becoming Fred from Scooby Doo is an ascot.

A GIRL: This is a good example of how the right clothing and accessories can really let a man express his personality and mood. The first outfit, with turtleneck and rolled up sleeves, says, ‘Let’s share a bottle of wine and then I will molest you,’ while a sportier look with a convertible accessory says, ‘Let’s go for a drive and then I will molest you.’

Corey: Jordache’s amazing new “Flat Polygon Crotch” jeans. There also seems to be an armpit theme in this film that had gone unnoticed by me until now.

Jon: My god you’re right. There are really too few sleeves in this movie. It’s as if they’re all taking their fashion cues from Larry the Cable Guy.

A GIRL: She is posed as if they are about to break out into a dance routine. The other dancers are waiting just out of view, ready to bounce in and show off their high waisted jeans and multicolored tank tops. They will surround the man, and through their interpetive movements convince him to exchange his homemade, impromptu sleeveless shirt for a genuine, possibly polyester one.

Corey: While not initially apparent to everyone, Terri is one of the more sympathetic characters in the film, what with her tragic background of poverty and everything. Here you can see that she’s forced to wear the same clothes from when she was a toddler.

Jon: Who wears short shorts? SHE wears short shorts!

A GIRL: When I was A little GIRL, I had a Barbie and her little sister Skipper, and many fabulous outfits for each. This look is similar to what happened when Barbie borrowed Skipper’s clothes.

Corey: With his dreamy eyes and Tom Cruise-esque smile, Scott is letting us know that nothing says “I’m a sophisticated GQ man” like a black satin shirt, perfectly styled hair and a slingshot for launching rocks at other people’s asses.

Jon: I want to paint a pencil thin moustache on him, put him in a big Mariachi hat, and have him say: “Hello, beautiful. My name is Zorro. Women love me. Men fear the might of my slingshot.”

A GIRL: I don’t quite understand what’s going on in this shot. Is he trying to accessorize with the plant, using it as a scarf or ascot, or is he merely trying to cover up an embarrassing trouser situation?

Corey: Ted is the aforementioned “clown” character in the film, but with a twist. For some reason he’s actually fairly popular amongst the rest of the counselors. This doesn’t excuse him from the fashion rules of the clown/prankster stereotype though, which disallow the wearing of anything that doesn’t cause a loss of dignity (e.g. those white socks pulled almost to knees and the fact that he’s wearing deer skins after Labor Day).

Jon: This is like the before and after pictures of a nice suburban barbecue gone horribly awry after too many bottles of Zima.

A GIRL: Here Ted is depicted on two of his many failed auditions to become the seventh member of the Village People. Badly Dressed Chef was truly a poor concept, but I hear that Cave Boy was almost accepted, until at the last moment sailors were chosen instead.

Jon: Somewhere in the middle of the film, Ted decided that he was too conspicuous dressed up in that bright yellow shirt and those little khaki shorts. So he decided to disguise himself as a giant metal penis.

Corey: “Should I bring the steel or the copper hat to the beach in 90 degree weather?”

A GIRL: Superheroes of the 80s really had a hard time with their costumes. Bullet Head Man has a great alter ego, for who could expect such power to be hidden behind a crisp cotton plaid? Foolishly, he blew all his money on some designer chinos, and could only afford an aluminum helmet and no matching boots.

Corey: You didn’t even know there was a black character in this movie, did you? Well, there he is, looking quite a bit like Willis from Diff’rent Strokes (Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum…). The reason you don’t remember him is certainly not because the costume designer didn’t try to draw attention to him through interesting shirt and suspender choices.

Jon: Well, you have to remember that Robin Williams-style rainbow suspenders were actually in fashion in the wacky 80s, as were tennis wristbands. But they could have made it clearer that he’s an expendable, token character by at least giving him a red shirt. Also, it looks like he enjoys smelling his own armpit.

A GIRL: This young man is training for a career as a professional Let’s Make a Deal contestant. His last minute Mork outfit was not enough to attract Monty Hall’s attention, but he’s bound to find out what’s behind door number one dressed as African Jimmy Buffet.

Corey: “No, I’m fairly certain my hot pink shirt and headband out-’80s your propped Izod collar and canvas belt.”

Jon: Someday, anthropologists will look at the way people dressed in the 80s and conclude that EVERYONE back then had just finished either jazzercising or playing tennis.

A GIRL: This scene is obviously a lover’s quarrel. She has long grown tired of struggling to get close to him, only to be rebuffed by a stiff flipped-up collar. He has finally noticed that her headband is part of a matching set, and the young man above is wearing the wristbands! He jumps to the logical conclusion, and protests of innocence will soon dissolve into tears. Later, the dog will take revenge for his mistress by chewing up the offending shirt and widdling on the no-iron trousers.

Corey: I see no problems with this outfit.

Jon: I agree in the strongest possible terms.

A GIRL: I am starting to think that this is not really a movie about Jason the deranged killer. It is really a story about Jason the deranged tailor, who, after failing to secure sponsorship for Spring Fashion Week, runs around cutting off any unnecesary piece of shirting, such as sleeves and midriffs.

Corey: Jason has certianly improved his fashion sense while living in the woods. Forsaking the “naked covered in seaweed and twigs” look, he’s chosen a beautiful pair of OshKosh B’Gosh overalls and a cotton pillowcase, which is a classic look that never goes out of style.

Jon: I’ve never noticed that he actually has TWO eyeholes. I always thought there was just the one. The other eyehole is just very, very tiny and easily escapes notice. Or maybe he cut out a full-sized eyehole, and then later sewed it shut, which raises all kinds of questions about how domesticated that makes Jason. Either way, if you stare at this picture long enough, it starts to look like Jason is winking at us, which is actually kinda scary. But I can’t get over how small and soft his hands look. I mean, I’m not the most rugged guy in the world, but surely they could have found some dude with at least a little bit of dirt in his nails and a callous or two to play the part of a swampy, knife-wielding mutant.

A GIRL: Here Jason has taken a common but useless approach to a bad hair day. Instead of a deep conditioning rinse and some texturizing pomade, he has applied an old potato sack.

Corey: For someone who was in a bikini in an earlier scene, Ginny is certainly wearing a lot of layers later in the evening. That said, this is excellent “running for your f’ing life” attire which you should always strive for when camping, just in case.

Jon: I agree. Her outfit looks like it’s been stuffed with straw. And she looks much bigger than Jason here. She could have easily body slammed that little pipsqueak.

A GIRL: This outfit makes a lot of sense once you realize Jason’s true motivation. Ginny has piled on layer after layer of shirts, in the hopes that no matter how many of her garments Jason attacks, she will still be fully shirted.

Jon: I don’t know what Jason did, exactly, to his mom’s sweater since the last movie, but those stains ain’t EVER coming out.

Corey: Some hand-me-downs should just be politely accepted then discreetly thrown away. To Jon’s point, I shudder to think what he’s been doing with it the last few years.

A GIRL: It is so important to store your treasured garments properly. A well made sweater can indeed last for generations. Unfortunately for the Voorhees collection, although peat moss does have amazing preservative properties, here we see why it is not recommended for use with antique knits.