Horror DVD Releases – Week of May 4th, 2010

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy (2010)
This week’s biggest release is the long anticipated Elm Street documentary, NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. Available directly from the Elm Street Legacy website, orders for the 2-disc DVD placed between now and June 1 receive a free poster of the cover art signed by Heather Langenkamp.

(descriptions below are from Netflix and BestBuy)

Cold Storage (2006)
After a loner named Clive Merser (Nick Searcy) witnesses an atrocious car accident near his desolate backcountry home in Tennessee, he becomes convinced that the dead driver, Melissa (Casey Leet), is the girl of his dreams — and does just about anything to keep her around. Meanwhile, Melissa’s sister, Cathy (Joelle Carter), and boyfriend, Daric (Matt Keeslar), frantically try to find her. Tony Elwood directs and co-writes this thriller.

Dark Nature (2009)
Jane (Vanya Eadie) and her daughter, Chloe (Imogen Toner), travel to a scenic Scottish village, hoping to mend their fractured relationship. But family squabbles soon become the least of their concerns in this bloody Troma thriller. With Jane’s new boyfriend and Chloe’s younger siblings in tow, the two women mingle with the welcoming locals — until a series of terrifying events forces the family to fight for their lives.

House of Usher (2008)
While visiting his reclusive, ailing ex-lover Roderick Usher (Frank Mentier), Victor Reynolds (Michael Cardelle) slowly learns of the dreadful secrets lurking in Roderick’s house and eventually finds himself in grave danger in this contemporary spin on the Edward Allan Poe classic. Spooky and muscular shirtless men abound in David DeCoteau’s gay-themed horror, which also stars Jaimyse Haft as the bizarre Madeline.

Slasher (2007)
When sexy psychology student Erin (Christiane Imdahl) hits the breaking point with school, she rounds up a bunch of friends, and they head into the woods where they party the weekend away — until a chainsaw-wielding maniac begins hunting them down one by one. Now fighting for their lives, the pals must also confront sinister secrets from their past. Frank W. Montag directs this German grindhouse flick.

The Gatekeeper (2008)
A team of hockey players and a feuding couple are forced to face off against an army of flesh-eaters after a traffic accident in the Welsh hills leaves them all stranded in the middle of nowhere with a pair of mysterious strangers.

Blood Myth (2006)
A young group of survivalists-in-training are stalked through the woods by a psychotic killer seeking victims for a blood sacrifice. Back in the 1990s, a maniac working for a private security company in Yugoslavia used the conflict in the country as cover for a series of grisly murders. Conducting the killings under the twisted guise of experimental archeology, he claimed numerous lives before vanishing into the countryside.

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted

“We’ll tear your pants apart!”
~ Pinhead, HELLRAISER
“I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s pants was purely and simply…
evil.”
~ Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN
“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his pants with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”
~ Dr. Hannibal Lecter, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
“The counselors weren’t paying any attention… They were making pants while
that young boy drowned. His name was Jason.”
~ Pamela Voorhees, FRIDAY THE 13th
“You bastards! Give me back my pants!”
~ Ash, EVIL DEAD II
“When there’s no more room in pants, the
dead will walk the Earth.”
~ Peter, DAWN OF THE DEAD

Horror DVD Releases – Week of April 27th, 2010

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

The Descent Part 2 (2009)
In this gruesome thriller, blood-drenched Sarah Carter (Shauna MacDonald) surfaces as the lone escapee from the savage cave-dwelling Crawlers that terrorized her and five others. Traumatized and unable to explain the nightmare, she must return to help find her friends. But it’s not long before the search team becomes the Crawlers’ fresh prey. And Sarah once again battles to cheat death, as she clings to the hope that her friends are alive.

Transylmania (2009)
Deep in the heart of Transylvania lies Razvan University, where a group of visiting students is about to get the shock of a lifetime. When not being stalked by vampires and succubi, they’re evading Razvan’s other resident crazies. Seductive teachers, willing students and a hunchback are all included in this year’s curriculum. Musetta Vander, Patrick Cavanaugh and Jennifer Lyons star in this bloodcurdling spoof.

Life Blood (2009)
Forty years after committing a murder and inexplicably dropping off the map, lesbian couple Brooke (Sophie Monk) and Rhea (Anya Lahiri) are back — although not necessarily in the form you’d expect. They’re as beautiful as ever, but now they’re vampires, too. And the ladies’ newfound bloodlust, coupled with their killer looks, makes them a deadly pair in this sexy horror flick from director Ron Carlson.

Tales from the Darkside: Season 3 (1986)
Keep the lights on while watching the third season of this TV anthology series that presents scary tales of the supernatural, including an eerie account of a reporter who visits a circus run by vampires thirsting for fresh blood. Also this year, a businessman makes a pact with the devil, a mannequin comes to life and a little girl discovers her dollhouse has strange powers.

Mega Piranha (2010)
A gigantic school of mutant piranha makes their way up to Florida from South America while devouring anyone – and anything – that gets in their way. Tiffany, Paul Logan, and Barry Williams star.

Marked (2007)
A paranormal researcher seeks to solve her father’s murder by catching the man who killed him, only to find that true evil possesses the power to cheat death. Ever since her dad was killed, Diella has developed an obsession with the supernatural. Today, she and a team of paranormal researchers use advanced technology to search for evidence of life after death. The harder they search for clues, the more ominous the messages from the other side become. Before long Diella and her team are peering into the mind of a madman, experiencing things beyond their realm of comprehension, and facing a fate far worse than death.

Passed the Door of Darkness (2008)
A madman turns normal people into killers by setting a series of complex lethal traps. Rookie homicide detective Chris Malloy (Matthew Prater) and Detective Murphy MacCasey (Mark Colson) are working the midnight shift when they walk into one of the grizzliest crime scenes they’ve ever encountered. The following night another body turns up. There’s a killer on the loose; he calls himself the “Shadow of God,” and he tricks people into killing their loved ones in the most gruesome ways imaginable.

The Fear Chamber (2009)
A Los Angeles detective has a series of nightmarish hallucinations that help him track an elusive organ thief who is terrorizing the city. Women are being killed all over town, but the murderer isn’t leaving any clues. Meanwhile, Detective Nick Ferguson (Rhett Giles) begins suffering from bizarre visions that leave him dazed and confused. When Detective Ferguson learns to embrace his newfound sense of second sight, he realizes it may be the key to stopping the murder spree.

Happy Town is Coming to Your Town

I got the chance to preview the entire first episode of the upcoming new ABC show Happy Town, and, not really knowing much about it at all, I was pleasantly surprised (less so when I googled the title looking for screenshots). The show takes place in the picturesque, Midwestern town of Haplin, which the residents fondly refer to as Happy Town. But the sugary glaze of Haplin quickly dissolves into something far more David Lynch than Norman Rockwell as we learn it’s home to a long-standing series of kidnappings at the hands of the mysterious “Magic Man.” Even though the town’s sheriff has been unable to solve the case, he’s managed to keep an uneasy peace in the town, but that’s all about to end as his grip on reality begins slipping when the “Magic Man” returns to Haplin — if he ever really left at all. Based on the first episode, Happy Town strikes me as a cross between Twin Peaks and an Agatha Christie novel with its slow-burn sense of mystery and quirky, enigmatic characters. I’m also impressed by lavish production value and all-star cast, which includes Amy Acker (Fred from Angel, Dr. Saunders from Dollhouse) and the always terrific Sam Neil (Dr. Creepy in Event Horizon). The show premieres this Wednesday at 10 pm (Eastern) on ABC.

Horror Community Highlights – April 23, 2010



email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Three Poems That Are As Effed Up As Any Horror Film

April being national poetry month is largely due to T.S. Eliot’s famous declaration in his poem The Waste Land that “April is the cruelest month.” Traditionally, April is used by poets, educators, and fans of poetry to appreciate and call attention to the finer joys and values of this venerable art form. When you think of horror, poetry may not be the first medium to come to mind — but I’d like to call attention to the following poems that prove April is indeed the cruelest month and that a celebration of poetry can also be a celebration of revenge, the undead, demonic transformations, bodily mutilation and all things horrific.

 

from “The Phenomenology of Anger,” by Adrienne Rich

Fantasies of murder: not enough:
to kill is to cut off from pain
but the killer goes on hurting.
Not enough. When I dream of meeting
the enemy, this is my dream:

white acetylene
ripples from my body
effortlessly released
perfectly trained
on the true enemy

raking his body down to the thread
of existence
burning away his lie
leaving him in a new
world; a changed
man.

 

Even though I have been a fan of Adrienne Rich, for many years, I’ll admit that I don’t know if this poem has a particular back-story to it. Nevertheless, it’s a harrowing poem whose depiction of anger transcends mere revenge into something far more radical than a simple act of bloodshed or physical violence. In this poem, the anger is thoroughly political, as well as personal—a razor sharp tool that transforms both victim and perpetrator into something raw and primal.

If this poem were a horror movie, you’d shelve the DVD between:
I Spit on Your Grave and The Last House on the Left

from “My Father Speaks to Me From the Dead,” by Sharon Olds

I take the spider glue-net, plug
of the dead, out of my mouth, let’s see
if where I have been I can do this.
…I have been in the morgue, in fire, in the slagged
chimney, in the air over the earth,
and buried in the earth…
I understand this life, I am matter,
your father, I made you, when I say now that I love you
I mean look down at your hand, move it,
that action is matter’s love, for human
love go elsewhere.

 

We all know that the dead can speak to us and influence us, if only in our memories or in the DNA we inherit from our parents. Often, this is a source of happiness and stability. But in this poem, a dead father literally crawls from his grave to speak to his daughter, and, in a far more horrific manner, makes it clear that his flesh is still very much alive in hers. It’s a powerful statement about the fact that we are inescapably made of flesh, and all the more noble or emotional impulses that might also define us are always secondary.

If this poem were a horror movie, you’d shelve the DVD between:
Dead Alive and Return of the Living Dead

from “Lady Lazarus,” by Sylvia Plath

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it–

Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?—

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek.

Ash, ash —
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there–

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

 

This poem is an emotionally arresting and brutally honest account of Sylvia Plath’s own suicide attempts. But what makes it so intriguing and powerful is the way Plath artfully depicts the various transformations and personas that emerge from the experience. She seems possessed by supernatural forces that render her both victim and also an aggressor with an eerie sense of defiance. It’s as if each suicide attempt is a desperate and violent act to re-assert her independence from those who have hurt her, and from those who presume to understand her pain.

If this poem were a horror movie, you’d shelve the DVD between:
Suicide Club and Jennifer’s Body

Horror DVD Releases – Week of April 20th, 2010

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

Necrosis (2009)
After six friends arrive at a mountain cabin for a long weekend, a monstrous snowstorm traps them. Soon the spirits of the Donner Party — frontier settlers who resorted to cannibalism in a similar snowstorm — begin to haunt them. As they start turning on each other, it’s not clear whether the ghosts are real or the result of their fear. James Kyson Lee, George Stults, Tiffany and Penny Drake star in this tense psychological chiller.

Homecoming (2009)
Hometown hero Mike (Matt Long) returns to his sleepy Pennsylvania burg for an exciting homecoming weekend with his new girlfriend Elizabeth (Jessica Stroup). But Mike’s deluded ex, a gorgeous townie named Shelby (Mischa Barton), is still not ready to let go of her old love. Shelby’s obsession takes on demented proportions in this teenage spin on Fatal Attraction, which also stars Michael Landes as Billy Fletcher.

Spring Break Massacre (2008)
Six gorgeous sorority girls fall prey to an escaped serial killer with a reputation for crashing sleepovers. As the body count rises under the silvery moonlight, the local sheriff (Reggie Bannister) and his devoted deputy (Linnea Quigley) capture the murderous maniac, and the brave girls fight back with everything they’ve got.

Fraternity Massacre at Hell Island (2006)
Director Mark Jones takes the helm for this gay-themed horror spoof about a Hell Night prank gone horribly awry. Twenty years ago, Hell Island was the site of a horrific, 4th of July massacre. Tonight, it’s about to become the site of the Zeta Alpha Rho hazing ritual. When an escaped mental patient dons a creepy clown mask and begins methodically dispatching the eager-to-please pledges, closeted fraternity hopeful Jack Jones (Tyler Farrell) discovers that some urban legends die hard.

Knife Edge (2008)
Director Anthony Hickox (Waxwork) returns to the horror genre with this rural frightener about a Wall Street stockbroker who begins to experience disturbing visions after moving into an English country mansion with her husband and their young son.

Neowolf (2009)
An aspiring musician must choose between true love and ultimate power when he’s seduced to the dark side by a lycanthropic rock band.

The Hiking Trip (2008)
A simple hiking trip turns into a waking nightmare when a young adventurer named Tracy (Kortney Adams) awakens in a mysterious hospital with no memory of how she got there. Now the subject of a bizarre psychological evaluation, Tracy clings to sanity as the missing pieces of the puzzle slowly come together. The harder Tracy searches for an escape, the more it becomes apparent that the only way out of her curious predicament is to finally face her worst fears head on.

Every Other Day is Halloween (2009)
Join filmmaker C.W. Prather as he takes TV lovers on a nostalgic trip back to when horror hosts haunted the UHF dial and regional television held a treasure trove of localized surprises. For generations of Washingtonians, the name Dick Dyszel will forever be synonymous with three names: Bozo the Clown, Captain 20, and Count Gore De Vol. Through the 1970s and ’80s, Dyszel’s colorful television characters entertained adults and children alike.

SARS (2009)
The ability to distinguish living people from walking corpses becomes nearly impossible when the SARS virus turns the majority of the world population into zombies, and only 1000 survivors remain. In 2009 the virus made the leap from insects to humans, sealing the fate of the human race. Six years later the world as we know it has ended, and a dark new age has dawned. The numbers of the human race dwindling to a dangerous low, the few uninfected now struggle to find a place to start a new life, away from the infected ghouls that stalk them relentlessly.

SARS: The Dead Plague (2009)
A fictional video diary detailing the devastation of the SARS epidemic, and the media frenzy as the global population plummets. “Actual” video camera footage of infected citizens coming together to suffer and die is intercut with chilling news footage documenting the mass hysteria on every continent. After succumbing to the deadly virus, the recently deceased return as flesh-eating zombies hell-bent on spreading the bug and devouring every last living creature on the planet.

Bella and Jacob and the Magical Twilight Pizza Wrench

at this point the phrases “TWILIGHT series” and “ridiculous bullshit” are pretty much synonymous. last year i listed the top five silliest things about TWILIGHT, but that didn’t begin to scrape the surface of the levels of absurdity in that film — and didn’t even take into account the second film in the series, NEW MOON.

while NEW MOON may lack vampire baseball, it more than makes up for it in teenage angst, crappy cgi werewolves and a disturbing lack of shirts. much like TWILIGHT, the second film in the series is a bottomless barrel of foolishness, but one moment in particular stands out in my mind above all others — the magical pizza/wrench cut.

shown above on a constant, mind-numbing loop is one of the strangest editing choices i’ve ever seen. director chris weitz may have intended this as a homage to the “hey, that bone turned into a spaceship” shot from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but kubrick’s famous transition was relevant to the story, having what some might refer to as “a point.” NEW MOON‘s bizarre mid-flight transformation of a piece of pizza into a tool cannot make the same claim. while i’m guessing the intention was to show the passage of time (this shot occurs at the beginning of a montage, depicting bella and jacob’s summer long motorcycle-repair-fueled romance), why pizza turning into a wrench would signal that we’re no longer in the same day is beyond me.

i can’t help but find both film entries in the TWILIGHT saga to be “so bad they’re good.” i don’t enjoy them in spite of confusing moments like that depicted above — it’s because of them. so keep it up, TWILIGHT movies… ECLIPSE better damn well contain such bizarre interpretations of the language of film that no one can tell what the hell is going on and enough sparkly vampires to leave me optically and neurologically damaged. that is my dream, and i am confident it will come to pass.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Blu-ray

april is a big month for freddy krueger. the remake, starring jackie earle haley, launches at the end of the month (photo of new freddy) and, if that weren’t enough, the original film sees its first blu-ray release tomorrow.

i had a chance to look over the blu-ray this week, and i’d have a hard time not recommending it to fans of the series. the presentation of the film is slick and the picture and sound quality are both excellent. all of the special features from the infinifilm release are reproduced, including the two commentary tracks. the only downside is that there are no new blu-ray specific features — while it’s great that all of the earlier features from the 2006 release have been carried over to the blu-ray, it would have been nice to see something new. if you own the infinifilm 2-disc release, then upgrading might be debatable — but for all others, this is a must-buy.

most hand-held technology is web-enabled these days, so while you’re waiting in line at bestbuy to pick this blu-ray up, why not use your psp, dsi, blackberry, droid, iphone, ipod touch or (if you’re kinda smug) your ipad to check out my old post, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: 10 pointless observations?

Horror DVD Releases – Week of April 13th, 2010

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

The Daisy Chain (2008)
Struggling to recover from the death of their infant daughter, the Conroys — Martha (Samantha Morton) and Tomas (Steven Mackintosh) — move to rural Ireland and soon find themselves drawn to one of the town’s residents: an autistic orphan named Daisy (Mhairi Anderson). When a string of strange events connected to Daisy starts to occur, however, the couple begins wondering whether she’s a victim of superstitions or a dangerous changeling.

Creature of Darkness (2009)
Hoping to exorcise a recurring nightmare in which a mysterious clawed monster mauls him to death, Andrew (Devon Sawa) and a group of his pals journey into the backcountry for a little extreme-sports therapy. But when a terrifying beast begins attacking the group, Andrew must confront the very creature of his dreams. Mark Stouffer directs this independent horror flick that co-stars Sanoe Lake and Matthew Lawrence.

Infection (2009)
Sixty years after the quaint town of Springville fell prey to a mysterious alien invasion, one of the few survivors relays the details if the attack to a journalist who specializes in conspiracy theories. Immediately after a meteor lights up the sky over Springville, it comes plummeting to earth at the edge of town. Before long, the townspeople are exhibiting some particularly bizarre behavior.

The Greatest American Snuff Film (2010)
A director’s cut of his notorious 2003 shocker The Great American Snuff Film, this version of Sean Tretta’s grim feature debut includes new footage expanding on the story of fictional serial killer William Allen Grone. In 1995, Grone rolled tape as he and an accomplice tortured and murdered two young girls. Now, “actual” footage of that horrifying crime has surfaced. In this film, we witness the fury of Grone’s madness firsthand, and hear in his own words what drove him to commit such heinous acts of depravity and murder. “Real” trial footage of Grone in court reveals just how the judge and jury responded upon hearing the grisly details of his crimes.

New on Blu-ray