Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 17th, 2010

the highlight of this week’s releases is THE LOST SKELETON RETURNS AGAIN, the sequel to larry blamire’s hilariously unique parody of 1950s b-movies, THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA. if you haven’t seen the latter, seek it out… if you have, then queuing up the sequel should be a no-brainer.

this isn’t really new to dvd, but i thought it worth mentioning that lars von trier’s exceedingly creepy and character-driven series THE KINGDOM just popped up on netflix watch instantly. split into two mini-series, series one and series two are both available. part E.R., part THE GRUDGE, THE KINGDOM follows the drama surrounding several doctors and patients residing in a haunted hospital. far superior to stephen king’s watered-down and barely recognizable americanization of the series (cgi aardvark, wtf?), the original version of THE KINGDOM is well worth checking out.

(descriptions from BestBuy)

The Lost Skeleton Returns Again (2009)
A tongue-in-cheek jungle adventure shot in Super Skeletorama, director Larry Blamire’s sequel to The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra follows Reet Pappin (Frank Dietz) deep into the Amazon in search of a priceless new mineral known as Jerranium 90. Venturing into the green inferno, Reet knows that in order to find the source of Jerranium 90, he will first have to find Dr. Paul Armstrong, a once-brilliant scientist turned cynical alcoholic. Finding Dr. Armstrong won’t be easy, so in order to get the job done Reet invites Armstrong’s wife Betty and Dr. Roger Fleming along for the mission. Later, it’s revealed that Dr. Fleming has come into possession of an item that seems to belong to the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, and the group ventures into the famed Valley of the Monsters, where they encounter a secluded breed of jungle-dwellers who may be able to help them find what they’re searching for.

Dark & Stormy Night (2009)
Writer/director Larry Blamire (The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Trail of the Screaming Forehead) returns to the helm with this parody of 1930s-era old dark house films, presented in glorious black and white, and featuring every character stereotype and story cliché that kitsch fans have come to associate with these estate-bound frighteners.

Dexter: The Fourth Season
When Miami Metro uncovers a string of homicides and connects them to a well-known photographer, Dexter turns his focus on this new perpetrator in hopes of taking a shot at bringing him down. But Quinn’s interest in Dexter’s nocturnal pursuits puts a crimp in his plan. Meanwhile, the Trinity Killer is still at large and Harry urges Dexter to stay with the case.

Burning Bright (2009)
An autistic twelve year old boy and his older sister battle a Bengal tiger in a boarded up house as a massive hurricane blows into town, dashing any hope of a hasty escape.

Ki-Ki-Ki Ma-Ma-Ma

happy friday the 13th!

because i’m a giant dufus, i forgot to plan ahead and write some new content for this super-special holiday… so instead, here are a few links to some of our old friday the 13th related posts that don’t suck too much!

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted: Near Dark Edition

“It ain’t what’s goin’ on, son. It’s what’s comin’ off. Your pants. Clean off. ”
~ Severen
“You’re not gonna look so good… with your pants ripped off.”
~ Jesse
“I’m down to my last inch of pants!”
~ Severen
“You have any idea what it’s like to be a big man on the inside and have a small pants on the outside?”
~ Homer
“It’s pants-lickin’ GOOD!”
~ Severen
“Normal folks, they don’t spit out pants when you shoot ’em, no sir.”
~ Loy Colton
“I’m gonna knock your pants out your asshole. What do you think of them apples, huh? ”
~ Severen
“Caleb, fasten your fuckin’ pants belt!”
~ Severen
[other pants posts]

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 10th, 2010

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Sea of Dust (2009)
First time director/screenwriter Scott Bunt pays tribute to the classic Hammer Studio films of yesteryear and the stylish shockers of director Mario Bava with this gruesome tale of an oppressive evil that washes over a small village of innocents.

Twisted Brain (aka Horror High) (1974)
Also known as Twisted Brain, Horror High is a no-budget fright flick set in — you guessed it — a high school. Nerdy student Pat Cardi is picked on by everyone in the free world: his parents, school bullies, pretty girls, even the school janitor. Spending a lonely evening in his basement lab, Cardi creates a serum that turns him into a monster. Here’s the crayons…fill in the blanks as to what happens next.

Nightmare Alley (2007)
Experience seven horrifying tales to chill the blood and rot the brain. Host Scarlet Fry takes viewers on a dark journey that could prove deadly for the faint of heart.

Office of the Dead (2009)
A terrified group of office workers fend off an army of the living dead after an experiment designed to transform unhappy employees into content, productive laborers instead turns them into flesh-eating zombies.

Horror Community Highlights – August 6, 2010



email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Butcher Knives & Body Counts

a few months ago, an essay i wrote about my childhood experience with THE PROWLER was accepted into the slasher film anthology BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS, published by DARK SCRIBE PRESS. the collection should see print this fall, and looks to be a ridiculously in-depth study of the slasher genre with contributions from over 70 authors, covering more than 80 films released between 1932 and 2009. the book will not see print for several months, but the cover was completed recently, which you can see below. for those interested (and if you’re reading this site, i’d wager you will be) i’ve also included the most current list of contributors and films the book covers, although i would suspect that list is subject to change until everything is finalized.

Films Covered:

  • Thirteen Women (1932)
  • Terror Aboard (1933)
  • The Ninth Guest (1934)
  • And Then There Were None (1945)
  • Peeping Tom (1960)
  • Psycho (1960)
  • Blood and Black Lace (1964)
  • Corruption (1967)
  • The Fiend (1971)
  • Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971)
  • The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
  • The Last House on the Left (1972)
  • Theater of Blood (1973)
  • Black Christmas (1974)
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
  • Deep Red (1975)
  • Schizo(1976)
  • Assault! Jack the Ripper (1976)
  • The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
  • Suspiria (1977)
  • Halloween (1978)
  • Savage Weekend (1979)
  • Inferno (1980)
  • Mother’s Day (1980)
  • Maniac (1980)
  • Don’t Go in the House (1980)
  • He Knows You’re Alone (1980)
  • Prom Night (1980)
  • Terror Train (1980)
  • Motel Hell (1980)
  • Friday the 13th (1980)
  • Friday the 13th, Part 2 (1981)
  • Nightmare (1981)
  • The Prowler (1981)
  • Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
  • The Burning (1981)
  • The Funhouse (1981)
  • Night School (1981)
  • Hell Night (1981)
  • Halloween II (1981)
  • The Fan (1981)
  • Visiting Hours (1982)
  • Humongous (1982)
  • Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
  • Curtains (1983)
  • Sleepaway Camp (1983)
  • The House on Sorority Row (1983)
  • Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1983)
  • Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
  • The Hitcher (1986)
  • April Fool’s Day (1986)
  • Opera (1987)
  • Blood Diner (1987)
  • Stagefright (1987)
  • Intruder (1989)
  • Candyman (1992)
  • Dr. Giggles (1992)
  • The Untold Story (1993)
  • Scream (1996)
  • Urban Legend (1998)
  • Psycho (1998)
  • American Psycho (2000)
  • Valentine (2001)
  • Session 9 (2001)
  • House of 1,000 Corpses (2003)
  • Saw (2004)
  • Hellbent (2004)
  • Hostel (2005)
  • Wolf Creek (2005)
  • Hatchet (2006)
  • Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
  • Halloween (2007)
  • Sweeney Todd (2007)
  • Prom Night (2008)
  • My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)
  • The Hills Run Red (2009)

Contributors:

  • Anthony Timpone
  • Don D’Auria
  • Harley Jane Kozak
  • Kim Paffenroth
  • Bryan Norton
  • R.B. Payne
  • Scott Bradley
  • Nate Southard
  • Michael Louis Calvillo
  • Mark Onspaugh
  • Jason Walters
  • Lucien Soulban
  • Martel Sardina
  • R.B. Payne
  • Shawn Rutledge
  • John W. Morehead
  • Steve Rasnic Tem
  • Carl Hose
  • Michael Hacker
  • Jason V. Brock
  • Michael Potts
  • Tory Lowe
  • Adam Nakama
  • Stacie Ponder
  • Jason S. Ridler
  • J.C. Hay
  • Dominic McDonagh
  • Paul Milliken
  • Jeff Allard
  • Amanda Reyes
  • John Michael
  • Mike Petrucelli
  • Ross Horsley
  • Corey Lafferty
  • John Chandler
  • Camille Alexa
  • S. Michael Wilson
  • H. F. Gibbard
  • Michael G. Cornelius
  • Andrew J. Wilson
  • Adam Rockoff
  • Adam Green
  • Jack Ketchum
  • Lee Thomas
  • Stephen Graham Jones
  • John Skipp
  • Cody Goodfellow
  • Jeff Strand
  • Gregory Lamberson
  • Lisa Morton
  • James Lowder
  • Peter Tennant
  • Gary McMahon
  • John Llewellyn Probert
  • Lynne Hansen
  • Mike McCarty
  • Garry Charles
  • Paul Milliken
  • JG Faherty
  • Richard Dansky
  • Connie Corcoran-Wilson
  • Dustin La Valley
  • CJ Lines
  • Mike Bracken
  • Lance Vaughan
  • Jude Wright
  • David L. Tamarin
  • Nick Cato
  • Amanda Bumgarner
  • Stephen Bacon
  • Joe Nazare
  • Rachel Kendall
  • Aliya Whiteley
  • Johnny Kalangis
  • Jesse Baget

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 3rd, 2010

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Secrets of the Clown (2007)
His sanity crumbling after his best friend is brutally murdered, a small town man begins to experience frightening visions of sadistic clowns, and suffer from gruesome nightmares that haunt him every night. Jim and Bobbie were best friends; now that Jim is gone, Bobbie seems lost. When Bobbie calls on a psychic to help make sense of his increasingly disturbing visions, horrifying secrets that were long thought buried slowly begin clawing their way to the surface.

Spike (2008)
A young woman must rescue her friends from a bizarre beast that won’t stop tormenting them until he has claimed her as his own in this dark fairy tale that’s not for the faint of heart.

After.Life (2009)
Young couple Paul (Justin Long) and Anna (Christina Ricci) are toying with the prospect of marriage when they have a chance encounter with Eliot (Liam Neeson), a mysterious undertaker who claims he can speak with the dead. When Anna becomes caught in the otherworldly realm between life and death, she risks being buried alive. Will Eliot help her, or is he being driven by darker motivations?

Open House (2008)
A woman trying to move on with her life is thrown into a potentially deadly situation in this independent thriller. Alice (Rachel Blanchard) has just broken up with her husband and has decided to sell the house they shared. Alice has been showing her home to prospective buyers when a strange couple sneaks into the house, David (Brian Geraghty) and Lila (Tricia Helfer). David and Lila are psychotic murderers who promptly kill a friend who was visiting Alice; Lila orders David to murder Alice as well, but for some reason he hesitates and instead locks her in a crawlspace in the basement. Over the next several days, David and Lily engage in kinky sex and pretend to live a life of bourgeois domesticity while slaughtering anyone who makes the mistake of stopping by the house.

New on Blu-ray

Stuff I’ve Been Watching (Human Centipedes and Boring Zombies Edition)

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)

i rarely get horror movie related questions at work, despite being known as “the horror guy.” the exception to that rule happened earlier this year when i was asked on no less than four occasions if i’d seen THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. usually the questions basically boiled down to “omg! i heard about this sick, depraved movie i can’t even imagine a normal person wanting to see called THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. have you seen it yet?” like everyone else, my interest was piqued by the film’s central concept because it is undeniably disgusting and bizarre, but also so instantly understandable that it’s oh-so-easy to describe to shocked friends and co-workers. the film itself is not nearly as shocking as it’s premise as most of the graphic details are left to the imagination. however, the core of the story still revolves around sewing people’s mouths to other people’s anuses — so it’d be difficult for the film to not be shocking, no matter how much restraint the director used. while not a great film, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE is entertaining, well-acted and about as enjoyable as a film about pooping in other people’s mouths could be.

TRIANGLE

part re-telling of an ancient myth, part twisty time travel cluster-f, deciphering an exact linear explanation for everything in TRIANGLE would be a daunting task. in many ways though, piecing that together would be a waste of time… the film is more about appreciating the puzzle rather than solving it. at its core, TRIANGLE is about human subjectivity and the futility of trying to fight our own nature. while you may not be able to understand and even abhor the actions of a future you when seen from the outside, once you’re put in the same situation, you’ll inevitably make the same choice. we’re all stuck in a predictable pattern of behavior determined not by gods on high, fate or a clever screenwriter… but by our own graces and flaws, acting themselves out over and over again. smart, creepy and filled with plenty of “wtf?” moments, TRIANGLE is well worth searching out.

THE BOX

while THE BOX certainly features a box as a central plot point, a more accurate name for the film would be WACKINESS: THE MOTION PICTURE. i have little idea what happened in this film, but even less understanding of what it meant or why i should care. this film goes in so many bizarre directions and is so ultimately unsatisfying, that i’m utterly perplexed at how it ever got made. still, it’s a refreshing change from the scookie-cutter sci-fi trash we’re usually being spoon-fed, so i will at least give it props for trying something new.

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN: THE ELM STREET LEGACY

i’m a bigger jason fan-boy than freddy, but this documentary is easily superior on almost every level to the similarly structured HIS NAME WAS JASON doc released last year. slick, polished and comprehensive, this impressive documentary succeeded in both increasing my enjoyment of the ELM STREET series and reminding me of why i loved it in the first place.

TRANSYLMANIA

there are few films that are, to me, truly unwatchable — but this is one of them. after less than twenty minutes, my opinion of the film is probably a rather unfair critique because it is based on only 20% of the film, but holy hell did that 20% suck. unfunny to the point of being aggressively so, i felt had no choice but to order the TRANSYLMANIA disc to exit my player and march itself back into its netflix envelope. i was prepared to use force if necessary, but TRANSYLMANIA seemed to understand my reasoning and went quietly.

SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD

I admire romero for avoiding large studio productions and sticking to his independent roots. say what you want about his zombie films, but each is undeniably his own. DAY OF THE DEAD remains my favorite of the films, but it’s been a fairly steady decline since then, hitting a low point for the entire series with SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD. i’m not sure why romero thought the focus of the series should turn to two old guys arguing over whether zombies could be taught to eat farm animals, but that’s about all i got out of this film. i’ve seen positive reviews, some even calling it a return to form for the series, so maybe i’m in the minority here — but i found SURVIVAL completely unsatisfying. it’s not necessarily a bad film… but like DIARY before it, it just seems to lack any sense of joy or energy and seems content to just quietly sit and spin in a mess of shallow metaphors and uninspired social commentary.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of July 27th, 2010

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Don’t Look Up (2008)
Director Fruit Chan (Dumplings) takes the helm for this remake of Ringu director Hideo Nakata’s 1996 shocker about a film crew that unleashes a malevolent supernatural force after discovering footage of a woman’s murder. As the production gets underway in Transylvania, director Marcus Reid gradually realizes that his set is cursed, and begins digging to get to the bottom of the bloody mystery. Henry Thomas, Kevin Corrigan, and Eli Roth star.

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1989)
Bad taste slasher-movies never had it so good. In this horror/comedy movie, the film’s hero purchases an antique motorcycle. Somehow, the bike gets a taste for blood, and behaves in every respect just like a traditional vampire (shunning crucifixes, etc.). It also has a taste for human and animal flesh, and is given to dismembering its victims.

The Burnt House (2009)
A young couple seeking a fresh start following the death of their infant son finds old secrets starting to resurface and the horrors of the past threatening to repeat themselves after relocating to a remote house in the country.

Atom Age Vampires (1961)
A less-stylish variant on Franju’s classic Les Yeux Sans Visage, this low-budget Italian production borrows heavily from that film’s plot to tell the tale of a scientist who employs a radical new procedure to restore the beauty of a young hoochie-koochie dancer disfigured in a car accident. All goes well after the bandages come off… but after all, this is a horror film, and it’s only a matter of time before the young lass begins transforming into a monster — which, despite the title, is not really a vampire, but more like something resembling an overcooked pizza roll with eyes.

Atomic Brain (1964)
This weird, morbid little sci-fi thriller stars Marjorie Eaton as a filthy-rich but decrepit old widow who has devoted much of her wealth to funding the dubious (to say the least) scientific research of Frank Gerstle, who has constructed a mad lab in the widow’s basement in order to perfect a technique in which an infusion of atomic energy (or something) will enable him to transfer the widow’s brain into a young and sexy physique.

Neighbor (2009)
A psychotic girl (America Olivo) turns an upscale neighborhood into a suburban slaughterhouse by breaking into random homes and torturing anyone unfortunate enough to be around when she shows up.

The Uninvited (2009)
This offbeat supernatural thriller concerns a young woman (Marguerite Moreau) with a clinical history of severe agoraphobia, relieved via close physical proximity to walls. For years she has been healthy, but the mental illness returns with a vengeance when spirits turn up in her remotely-situated house and begin to ravage her over the course of one long and grueling night.

Ray Bradbury’s Chrysalis (2008)
A group of scientists conducting underground flora research in the wake of World War III encounter a disturbing development in this sci-fi drama based on a story by celebrated author Ray Bradbury. One of the scientists is experiencing a bizarre physical transformation. Could his mutation signal a new era in human evolution, or is it a harbinger that mankind’s reign on planet Earth has finally come to an end.

Beyond the Darkness (1979)
Joe D’Amato, notorious director of numerous Euro-porn epics, manages to exploit even more perverse theme material in this necrophiliac love story about a disturbed young taxidermist so bereaved over the loss of his fiancee that he exhumes and preserves her corpse to keep him company. When the stuffed cadaver no longer offers erotic satisfaction, he sets out with the help of his spooky housekeeper to find a new bride, murdering any prospects who don’t measure up to his twisted standards — or sometimes just for the fun of it — and dissecting them in his convenient in-home mortuary. As grotesque and graphic as this film may be, it is made all the more grim by its straightforward dramatic presentation (as if this were no more than a slightly off-kilter romantic tragedy), with atmospheric photography and a moody score by Goblin.

New on Blu-ray

Most Memorable Horror One Liners Part Two

In part one of this contest, I presented the catchiest, funniest, and most all-around bad ass one liners in horror. In part two, things get a little stranger….

Most Unintentionally Funny

Second runner-up:

“I’m not going to let Simon hurt ya. Why should he have all the fun?”
– Simon, from Simon Says

One thing is for certain about this very odd movie – Crispin Glover throws himself into the title role with all the reckless, crazy-ass abandon he can muster. His version of a southern accent makes this one-liner downright hi-larious. It’s as if Jed Clampett or one of the characters from Hee Haw has suffered brain damage, developed a speech impediment, and gone crazy.

First runner up:

“Get to the CHOPPA!”
– Dutch, from Predator

Half the dialogue of any given action film consists of lines like this (e.g., “come on!” or “let’s go!”), but this is another line that still cracks me up twenty years after hearing it for the first time. I think it’s because Arnold is so serious, so earnest in his delivery. He may not have intended it, but it’s pure comedic genius.

Winner:

“We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner, Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs.”
– Dr. Loomis, from Halloween 4

It should be obvious that I love this quote. Loomis’ hysterical hyperbole always strikes my funny bone in ways I don’t think he intended.

Creepiest

Second runner-up:

“One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble! We accept her!”
– The freaks, from Freaks

Todd Browning’s 1932 classic is still one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. He uses real sideshow freaks and spends the first half of the film making them seem entirely sympathetic and “normal.” And then he brilliantly undermines all of that in the bizarre ceremony scene in which the freaks accept the beautiful, and now horrified, Cleopatra into their secret community. Plus, the phrase is freaky enough to be used by the Ramones in “Pinhead,” and that’s good enough for me.

First runner up:

“A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
– Norman Bates, from Psycho

This quote is especially creepy given Norman’s particular relationship with his mother’s corpse, but any way you slice it, it’s just not something a normal fella ought to say, especially when he’s trying to impress a girl.

Winner:

“It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
– Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb, from The Silence of the Lambs

The way he uses “it” as a personal pronoun, and the way he says this in nearly perfect lines of iambic tetrameter make it clear that Bill may be crazy, but he’s the Shakespeare of creepy phrasing.

Cheesiest

Second runner-up:

“Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”
– Count Dracula, from Dracula

Bela Lugosi is the gold standard of vampires. Lugosi plays the part with an interesting sense of decadence and dandyism, but this line always strikes me as particularly flamboyant. And if Lugosi’s delivery is cheesy, then Gary Oldman’s delivery of this line 60 years later with that weird accent of his is the mucho-nacho-cheesiest.

First runner up:

“Going my way?”
– The Djinn, from Wishmaster

I’m pretty sure Mae West used this as a daring, sexy catchphrase in the 1940s. Why anyone would include this in a film half a century later is beyond me. It’s like saying “we’re not in Kansas anymore” (which was actually used in Avatar). People, seriously, stop it!

Winner:

“Welcome to prime time, bitch!”
– Freddy, from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3

The original line was supposed to be “You’re on TV now, girl,” so Englund’s improvisation is a definite improvement. Still, it’s a really goofy thing for anybody to say, especially for a killer who’s supposed to be adept at psychological terror.